Forum

bloody teenagers

Everyday living
#1

sorry folks but a major rant coming on! I am coping as well as you can with the MonSter but my oldest has decided to become a complete barsteward and not pay his way in the house. We made an agreement when he started working that a quarter of his money comes back into the house - not a lot in comparison to what many are giving - anyway, he has decided that it is totally unfair that he shouldn’t and that noone else does so why should he?

The long and the short of it is that I am so stressed and annoyed at him and really want him out of the house now. Seasons greeting- aye right. We give him all we can within reason but just seem to be taken the mickey out of.

Does anyone else out there have their children pay their way towards the house and what they are using?

Thanks for reading

Willie

#2

I am a fan of making them pay, even if you don’t need the money. It’s a parent’s responsibility to get their children ready for the real world. Paying rent is a pretty big aspect of living in the real world.

I’m not a fan of chucking kids out, but if he won’t pay, then you could simply stop providing: don’t cook, don’t clean, don’t wash his clothes, don’t feed, put a lock on the fridge, put a lock on the washing machine, don’t drive him anywhere, cut off the power to his room,… Assuming he’s over 16, living in your house is a privilege OR something that he contributes to. If he can’t afford it, then he has to pull his weight in other ways. If he’s earning, then he should be putting money into the household pot. No arguments.

“But none of my friends doooooooooo!” “But you don’t neeeeed the money!” “But I only earn xxx!” etc would’nt work with a real landlord! Time to grow up.

Karen x

#3

Thanks Karen, it is appreciated lass, just scunnered by it really at the moment

#4

Totally agree with Karen, our son pays a third of his net pay. He knows that if he doesn’t then there isn’t any food for him, his washing is done but he does do his own ironing. He moved out once to live with his girlfriend but it didn’t work out. He moved back home with new rules. He learnt his lesson. But I do agree with Karen that chucking him out is not the answer, just withhold all that you do for him until he learns your terms of him being there.

Janet x x

#5

Hello Willy, teenager dont ya just Love em!.. Can remember way back when my time had come to pay my way…and though at first did spit out me dummy!! I soon realised that I infact had it good, (looking back was never as rich as when living at home!) I have two teenagers and tho at the moment eldest not working… when she does she realises that she needs contribute to paying her keep.

several times this conversation has been brought up…and I set a task… go look how much it would cost to live in a tiny bedsit,add to that electric…gas, food, toilett paper…toiletries etc etc… then… see what you will get here!.. seems to have worked for me yet obvi time will tell lol

Dont think any of us really ever appreciated our parents till we left home and had to do it ourselfs! all very well saying this wont be done etc,but why should other in house hold suffer… with atmospheres etc, I for one will be using ‘go see what you can get eleswhere’ senario if the reason arrises… did us no harm!! and what ever your age ya gonna try it on! tell em how it is… and simply thats life… and reality… plain and simple

hope you sort this… and try not stress… yeap I know we do when it cums to our kids… jut one of life’s lessons… get nowt for nowt in this world

take care Sarah XX

#6

Oooh!

I know that I am going against the grain here but here goes anyway, lol!

I have actually had several conversations with my recently teenage son, quite recently.

He asked me about what I would expect from him when he went off to college, working etc?

My answer to him was as follows:

I only expect him to use his money for the things that he wants / needs personally. As in, if he want a night out or to treat his girlfriend, clothese and travelling etc. As the rest of his money I want him to save in a good return bank account for a house or flat. Basically his first home.

Reason I am willing to do this for him if I am able. Is so that he doesn’t start his adult life out being in huge amounts of debt from a student loan for lodgings etc. Then I would like to see him be free of a mortgage and staying home ,pretty much cost free would help him be able to do this.

I, from a personnel perspective I have to say; already can say that my son is very aware of costs and incomings and outgoings and how manages these. So cutting him off from things in the house until payment is receieved would be ‘pointless’ and a bit spiteful.

However I know that I am incredibly lucky with my son and do understand the frustrations that you must be going through Hissing Sid. So please do not take any offence as none intended.

Hope everyone is well

TC

Anna x

#7

I have two daughters one 15 and the other 20 both live with their dad.

The 15 year old never been a problem but that could change, but the 20 year old different story.

She left school at 16 did’nt want to go to college , lazed around for a few months then got some dead end job…only because she had to, ex took £30 a month from her??? sorry if she lived with me it would have been at least a quarter of her wages, she still expected all the food she wanted and all the home comforts and did not lift a finger to help. She has had a few jobs, now she has one with prospects…but it’s boring!!!

When she was 18 she got a flat with a couple of friends and got into debt…I felt bad and gave her a large sum of money to pay off her overdraft, since found out she still has it aagghh.

She has now moved back in with her dad and has been given the box room and is paying a reasonable amount…hav’nt spoken to him for months but I hope he has’nt given in to her.

Sunspirits I understand you want to help your son if you can afford it…I would personally take the money and save it for him without his knowledge, then give it to him as a gift when he does move out., that way he would think he is paying his way

#8

I’m in a different situation because mine is in the Army so has left home, and was never earning enough while still here to be paying anything.

But I’m also going against the crowd because even if he were still here I wouldn’t have asked anything like a quarter or a third of his pay. I don’t see it as a privilege to live here, it’s his home so I wouldn’t have started treating him like a tenant when he hit 16. As someone said to me recently, kids are for life.

When we started earning, Dad came to an arrangement with each of us that we made a small token contribution to the house on the understanding that we saved what we could for the future and that worked. I’d do the same for mine. He can’t save a deposit if he’s paying so much to me. It’s hard enough to get started out there and I wouldn’t want him running straight into debt. Like Anna, I’m lucky to have him so I’d help him all I could to get started.

#9

I totally agree that they should get used to paying their way. I vividly remember the shock I got when I realised how little money I had left at the end of the month when I first moved out. That was also when I had already been contributing at home. It 's not doing them any favours to cushion them from reality. The world is a big,bad place! Teresa xx

#10

I think the hardest thing is that he was happy for the last two years when in employment to ‘pay his way’ then all of a sudden decide it is unfair - no point in trying to reason with him either. Anyway, not quite as p’d off - maybe because he is still in bed sleeping.

Willie

#11

We were like that when out two were at home. We took £200 on pay day knowing that most months they would run out before next pay day so at least we had some of their money to give them back. TBH although girlie has moved into her own place we still do the same…although the first £200 was ours…

When I got a Saturday job that paid £1.49 my dad wanted to stop fiving me my pocket money [50p]. My mum was horrified. We came to an agreement where i still got my 50p but had to pay for my own tights and toiletries.

#12

VERY VERY familiar indeed - gap year of 2nd daughter last year, she paid once in that whole time. Many many arguments which didn’t help the atmosphere at home at all. I just stopped doing anything at all for her- childishly separated her clothes from ours and didn’t wash them, cooked meals we liked but she didn’t etc, refused to be a taxi. Not a great atmosphere but we got through it. She’s in uni now and gorgeous. Helpful, independent, caring, working hard, doing well and managing her money perfectly blah di blah. Stick with it.

I remember doing the same to my mum

xx

#13

Hi Willie

Circumstances differ and what is right for one situation is not for another. There is no right or wrong way with this, the important thing is not to stress about it and aggravate our 'mutual friend’

In principle I do think that they should make a contribution towards their keep, even if it is only a token one. As others have said, if you want to, you could always save the money for them.

Although I must confess, I never lived at home when I was earning and so never personally contributed. My daughter also managed to be a student for a very long time and so we didn’t take any money from her.

Do what you think is right and suffer the tantrums meanwhile if necessary. Life isn’t easy…

Good Luck!

#14

Hi Willie.

When I started work as an apprentice electrical engineer in 1958, my gross pay was two pounds fourteen shillings, after tax and NI, it was close to the two pounds, from which I gave my mother, one pound, so near 50% of earnings.

At the time I probably thought that I was hard done by, but it was also part of my education for life, teaching me value and cost of living. I realise now, that one pound did not go any were near paying for my keep.

Therefore I would say that any parent that does not ask their children for a contribution towards their keep, once they start earning, is failing their children in the education for life.

So Willie, I am 100% with you, on this one and I am sure one day your son will look back and say thank you dad, for teaching me valuable life skills.

Take care.

Chris R.

I. El. (Eng). (Rtd).

#15

thanks guys, you are all a blessing to be around - I do thank my lucky stars almost all the time reallly but quite upset about this.

Have a good Sunday folks

W.