I was once prolific on this site and still take time to check in and read whilst occassionally posting, but this is thing, I need a bit of support.
I have finally come to terms with separating and divorcing my wife. I have spent the last 18 months bending over backwards to forget the affair my wife admitted to, but no more. Its the same old story I was the breadwinner until i got ill with this f***ing disease and then my wife took up a career to replace my income.
To cut a long story short, I get more ill as things progress and she did fantastically well with her new career (we live in Aberdeen and work in the oil industry). She works away a lot as i did but fell very quickly into having an affair on away trips with another married man (something she always suspected me of but was never even tempted) while I struggled with all things MS and fought to look after our 5 year old during her trips and keep myself motivated by completing a degree at University.
Oh by the way in the last bad winter we had up here and I was pleading with her not to go to work because of the bad weather and road conditions she was skipping work to have sex in a hotel.
I cant do it anymore. I am gutted for my son more than anything having never envisaged breaking his home life up.
Scared for myself as well , I think this is it and just hope I can see this through
Hello there,and welcome back in these difficult times.All can only say from my limited knowledge that with time the Lad will adjust and settle down as only a five year old knows how. As for you,this place can offer you distraction,amusement,knowledge and friendship.You know the place,so you’ll get from it what you want.
I don’t do internet hugs,so will an internet handshake suffice?
Stenovski hit the nail on the head. She was in the wrong one in this. If she has a full time job does that mean you have custody? It will hurt but trust me you will get over it with time. But now fight for your kids and get as much money from her as poss.
Goodluck,
If you need an outlet use the forums, their is loads of people here who have good advice and can lift your spirits.
Dear Friend Please hang in there, it WILL be worth it. I will not bore readers with too much but must tell you some in the hope it will help you in some way. I had a very popular gallery business, a wife, a beautiful 3year old daughter, a house with much more equity than mortgage and enjoyed regularly racing in motorsport. After a beautiful holiday in an idealic gite in France, an atmosphere of love and seeing my daughter recognise the world around her. Within one month my wife, my best friend and my lover left to a mystery. I don’t know if my brain already riddled with lesions played a part in what happened next but I went from being a proud dad skipping home with joy in my heart often with a bunch of flowers for my two beautiful angels to being a suicidal wreck secured and sedated after being wrestled away from Beachy Head. Within one year I lost everything and lived in a shed on a friends e farm Now the good bit Four years later, I have just tipped over the 250k turnover in a newly formed business, my daughter (now nearly 7) sees me lots, our friendship is brilliant and we have just had the best Christmas ever. I have a beautiful girlfriend more than ten years younger than me. And although I’ll never hold a race license again I will get my old butt in a race seat courtesy of an old friend quite soon. Oh! And I have PPMS. Please DO NOT give up. There is more to go and get. Sorry I have bored you all by going on :-S Paul
I’m so sorry to hear you have been going though such a hard time and don’t really know what to say to make it better other than to say we are all here to support you.
Take heart as the future could hold wonderful things as others have evidenced above. I know that doesn’t help you in your present situation, but at least you have made a decision not to put up with her poor behaviour anymore so you have taken the first step.
Hi, Pauls reply says it all. So i hope you can hang in there and enjoy good times ahead.You were duped by your ex, who didnt deserve your love. Shell get her comeuppance one day…they always do!
Focus on your recovery and then your daughter and I hope things will come better again soon for you.
I am sorry that you are having such a tough time. I hope that you grind your way through this very painful spell as quickly as possible and reach a point when you can start to rebuild your life.
I hope you can recover from this episode, as many people do - a friend of mine is now much happier with her new partner thatn she was in her 15 year marriage - her ex is happier too, so it definitely can work out. Please be mindful of the effect on your daughter, give her lots of love and support, try not to become acrimonious with your ex - I’ve seen the (negative) effect on many youngsters.
i have recently been married (march 2012) and since then been diagnosed with spms (november 2012).
we have had our ups and downs since diagnosis and talked about seperating and i came that close to walking!! … now thing’s are settling down (i think)
all i can say at the moment is so far so good, no-one knows what the future holds but with ms the help and support available is fantastic!
i feel for you mate, surprised my wife hasn’t done the same as i’m alway’s a let down in bed! yes we had a baby but that was thanks to a viagra, can count on my fingers the amount of time’s we’ve had satisfactory sex in the last 5 yrs!
anyway the thought of being able to leave if i want is really reassuring and i think that, along with our little man is what’s keeping me here.
your wife was out of order of that there is no doubt but with all the things ms brings with it, it’s enough to make lot’s of people go off the rails!!! i know how i’d be if our roles were reversed.
anyway stay positive, chin up & don’t let the b’stards get you down, could turn out to be the best thing could’ve happened, meet a nice girl who accepts you for who you are…
go and have a beer or 2 down your local pub, think & reflect and chat and see what happens…
Yes, some of the women folk don’t like a man with ms. We don’t look good on their arms at parties, and they can’t gas to their society friends. I don’t know why; It never upset my life except now and again. At least when I was married.
My former wife knew I had ms but had omitted to warn me that she was neurotic. Which was more significant, given that my ms wasn’t in trouble, but her neuroticism was?
After ten years, if she wanted to come back, I’d prefer to put my head in the oven.
Dear anon Hope you are doing ok, and that things are not too desperate for you. I also hope my post did not sound to glib, and did not detract from your plight. Don’t hesitate to email me personally if you wish, this stuff really takes some getting through. Regards Paul
OP I didn’t have MS at the time my then partner left me for another woman. At the time I thought I had lost it all. My home, my friends, family (I was very close to his family), my future…
Almost 5 years on and even though I’ve since been diagnosed with MS, my life is so much better now. My daughter is happier than she was when I was with him, we have a lovely home even if it is only rented, and I have a wonderful new partner.
It may seem like the darkest of days at the moment, but it can and will pass.
don’t blame the m.s. for the split - if you do that it’s like blaming yourself and you are not to blame for her selfish behaviour.
Get some sound legal advice re child custody and get every penny you can from her.
She’s kicked you in the b**** - time to fight back.
[/quote] Thank you so much for all your support. I am going to see this through and already feel a huge weight being lifted now I am being true to my own values. Thank you all again and I will let you know how things turn out.
Four years later, I have just tipped over the 250k turnover in a newly formed business, my daughter (now nearly 7) sees me lots, our friendship is brilliant and we have just had the best Christmas ever. I have a beautiful girlfriend more than ten years younger than me. And although I’ll never hold a race license again I will get my old butt in a race seat courtesy of an old friend quite soon. Oh! And I have PPMS. Please DO NOT give up. There is more to go and get. Sorry I have bored you all by going on :-S Paul