Angry with hubby or WHAT!

[quote=“JellyBellyKelly”]

Well done Pat - show him that you may be wheelchair bound but you still have a throwing arm worth a-watching!!

Men - the wee dears - can’t live with them - can’t shoot them with a shotgun (its the paperwork in triplicate, its just a real pain). Next time Pat - enjoy your kebab and force hubby to cope with the smell which is lovely when you’re hungry but not if you have already eaten. Take your time and enjoy it and if he gets impatient then tell him its his own fault.

And for the people shouting physical abuse, get real - there is a world of difference between a disabled woman throwing a kebab because her husband was insensitive and a man or woman using their fists or humilating another person.

JBK x

[/quote] Being disabled does not make it right. Not physical or humiliating? You need to get real lady…what she did was way out of order, and both of those things.

Actually JBK the world of difference is between people treating others with respect and humanity and not. As is too often the case in today’s society. Unfortunately.

Having food thrown at you IS humiliating and violent. Pat, in everyway possible, behaved exactly according to the definition of abuse, both physical and emotional, towards her husband. Throwing something at another person is a violent act and trying to force someone to behave according to your demands is bullying behaviour and unreasonable.

And your attitude, JBK, of “can’t shoot them with a shotgun” is downright terrifying even if it was meant as a poor attempt at humour.

No excuses and being disabled is most definitely NOT an excuse for appalling behaviour.

Pat behaved badly and owes Mark an apology. And in my humble opinion she doesn’t appear to have benefited at all from the stress management course and sounds like she needs to be signing up for an anger management course instead.

B

Sorry Pat but i cannot understand your overreaction to the situation. Why didn’t you just carry on with the evening like you’d planned ? You could have still have sat and talked together in the square whilst enjoying your kebab. I just don’t get why you felt the evening was trashed. Your poor hubby must have felt so humiliated and he really didn’t do anything wrong.

The responses here are getting a bit snippy…

Pat, it’s always difficult to put details of a relationship across online and for that I think you’re pretty brave, yes you might have over-reacted but I for one can’t say that I wouldn’t have done the same! It’s not just kebab vs. steak roll, it’s about the time you spend together and how things are between you, him waiting for you etc. Like I said, people can read bits and pieces but they can’t understand how things are with you and hubby, they certainly don’t know about the times you’ve shared food/had a midnight feast/been to the chippy on a certain night/used to buy you a kebab on the way home from your fave pub etc. If my hubby came home with food/sweets that he liked and I didn’t, I’d really be upset, especially as the only way I can shop is to get a lift off someone (nearest person I know is about 7 miles away) or organise an online shop delivery.

I hope you sort things out :slight_smile:

To everyone else - no, I agree, being disabled isn’t an excuse but I have a pretty strong feeling that anger management might be required if things don’t slow down a bit for me… either that or it’ll go the other way and I’ll end up on the funny farm.

I think when you have such a lack of control over certain elements of your life it amplifies other things and it’s going to prompt an emotional response, not necessarily the one you want or expect.

I very much doubt that forgiveness is out the window for either party

Sonia x

I thought one of the points of this site was to give support and relief to others because having MS is difficult enough but the way some of you lot are having a go at this woman absolutely disgusts me. Surely the fact that she has told the story shows she is looking for support.

Some of you really need to get over yourselves so I’m off to try and delete my profile. I won’t be on here again.

Oh dear. Sorry to hear that, you do what you have to do JBK. , I do have to agree with the majority though. I occasionally get aggressive outbursts, but I don’t throw and I don’t humiliate anyone. And perhaps, I, like others, read as she wrote and it sounded very much like she found it amusing. It isn’t.

i cant believe the amount of attention this has been getting,is this what this site has become.?

it annoys me that there are people posting on here,wanting help,and hardly get a reply ,then you get a post like this one and all of a sudden everyone has an opinion,thats why i hardly bother to come on here much these days.

I agree Jaki, and that was one of the reason’s I left the forum last time. It’s like the MS Police on here these days sad but true.

As a male speaking. The fact you had planned it all, and he deflated your evening would make anyone angry. Cannot speak for anyone else here, but this disease plays havoc with my emotions every day. Planning something and only for your other half to change it would be an insult. These little moments together like this lift my spirits. So Pat you had a right to let off steam. It’s so so tough, but try in future to keep calm. Next time it may not be a kebab :frowning: and you may end up doing something you regret. BE

Even if he lied to you, that is no reason to abuse and humiliate the man. That is called bullying in the extreme. Just imagine if he did that to you? Not nice. I understand the anger and frustration, I get it and I’m sure that most of us do but to lash out at the people that are closest to us is just not the way to solve things. Have you ever tried mindfulness Pat? That might help.

Maybe he “lied” because he was afraid of your reaction?

I can’t imagine living with someone who would treat me like that. Where they would blow up over something. Sure, we all get stressed out and annoyed. But if you can’t control your temper enough that you end up throwing food at someone, well, you need help.

Being 55 and disabled doesn’t mean you aren’t capable of mistreating someone or make it a joke.

You are meant to be your husbands soft place to fall and vice versa. Isn’t life hard enough in the outside world without your home being a battle ground also?

I’m 30 and single. And I’d rather be alone and all the struggle that brings than be in a volatile relationship where I’m walking on eggshells for fear of my partner exploding at me rather than telling me they are annoyed.

I saw my father humiliate my mother and his children for years through verbal abuse and we all were on tenterhooks every day, waiting to see what kind of a mood he was in. It’s a horrible existance, it decimates your self confidence and brings unbelievable unhappiness into the home.

You’d want to reign in your behaviour because if you don’t control your actions one day your husband will do exactly what my mother did. Pack their stuff and go.

How you can treat someone propose to love in that way is beyond me. You come across as a very angry person and my sympathy here is entirely with your husband even if you are the one with the disability.

Maybe better to get this thread closed and removed Pat. BE

But many people on this forum are able bodied, no emotional imbalance or mental problems, but instead are an authority on behaviour and etiquette. No. Most people on this forum know the difference between right and wrong. Stop blaming it on mental/emotional issues and the fact you are in a wheelchair. You were wrong. You have yet to show any remorse for your behaviour. You know, my nan had both legs removed and was wheelchair bound. I don’t ever remember her behaving the way you did But then I guess she knew more about etiquette than you.

I think it is about time the Mods closed this thred I dread to think what the newly Diagnosed people will think of this. I know for sure I’d run a mile (if only that was possible) Come on now guys enoughs enough

Agree Bambi. Not much good giving someone abuse. A form of Internet bullying. See the anonymous ones are hiding like cowards, sniping. Grow up and say nothing, if it ain’t constructive. Moderators can you close thread and remove for everyone’s sake. Annoyed forum user. BE

I’m newly diagnosed and I’d hate to think that if/when I end up disabled I will use it as an excuse for horrid behaviour. I don’t think we should always be expected to support someone on here, even if their behaviour is out of line. In fact, I think that as people who suffer with the same symptoms, we are in fact best placed to call someone out on unreasonable behaviour when they put it down to their MS.

MS is not a “get out of jail free” card. We are still responsible for our actions and shouldn’t use our health problems as an excuse. As someone newly diagnosed I would be more upset if everyone on here was posting “there, there” comments as I would worry that I will end up ever thinking that kind of behaviour is ok or justified because of my illness.

We want equality, well this is equality. We should be held up to the same standards as everyone else, regardless of the problems our MS throws at us. I don’t want to ever face the day where I throw food at my daughter or my mother because of this godforsaken illness.

So I’m actually glad to see other people who are suffering in the same way as OP say that the behaviour is out of line. Because I know that I won’t end up doing stuff like that.

I agree Bambi. Lets all be happy eh?

Shazzie xx

To be honest Pat, I would question the stress management course you’ve been attending. You said it was the final session that evening. Do you feel that you have got anything out of it? If I had paid ( and I don’t know if the course was chargeable) I think I would feel that I needed some money back as you obviously felt stressed out at hubby for what he did but any coping mechanisms for that stress didn’t appear to take hold. I think if you’d have taken a deep breath and taken a step back emotionally then you would think …" ok, he’s had a steak roll but it’s not so bad, we can still make an evening of it, it doesn’t stop me enjoying my meal." Your hubby is probably amazed how you reacted as he obviously didn’t think it was a big deal and still wanted you to enjoy your meal. Now that a little bit of time has passed, how do you both feel now? Sorry if some people think that you are being bullied on here but I think it was the way that your original post had been written. ( I don’t think anyone on here is an internet bully ) You were still angry and it just came across as a bit wild !!

It’s a bit of a sticky situation. The thing to ask yourself Pat, is how would you feel if he’d done that to you?

I know that getting out is difficult and whilst lots of people do seem able bodied, we aren’t. If you are spending a lot of time at home and that this kebab is one of those little treats that make life bearable, then yes, you should be very upset.

Your husband didn’t think how upset you’d be. If you know for sure that he did it to wind you up, then that’s awful. Maybe couples counselling may help?

I think that it was a pretty cruel thing to do to you. Sharing food is important when you don’t have much of a social life.

Best thing, as others have written is to talk. Not always easy to do, I know from bitter experience - how are things today?