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2 months after husband walked out on me ....Update

Well its 2 months now since my husband walked out on me and the boys. Im still crying a bit, but only when I talk about him, and when I hear a song on the radio that reminds me of him.

He is now refusing to speak to me, even on email. I have deleted his number off my phone as he does not reply to my texts.

Hes coming round on Thursdasy to collect some paperwrk from the loft and then to clear the garage of all his tools.

Im still struggling to understand how we got to this point in our marriage/relationship.

Now is the time that we could of been spending more time together as my eldest is at University and the youngest has got a girlfriend so he is not at home much now. So im just sat at home on my own, or doing housework and if Im now doing that then Im at work.

The hardest thing is being on my own at home in the evenings. I have no one to talk to and Im shattered after doing all the jobs now that we used to share… cooking and general stuff.

Ive taken off my wedding ring and engagemnt ring which was a hard thing to do.

Im very bitter and angry at him for doing this to us. But I just cant understand why he refuses to speak to me. Someone has said to me that his silence is his guilt, and he is just carrying on as if nothing has happened ! 11 years just mean nothing to him and its as if someone has deleted me out of his life.

Can someone explain it to me because I cant understand it !

My mom said to me ‘we cant move on until you stop crying’ and I nearly put the phone down on her… but that would really not of helped my situation.

Im going out to lunch with my sister today which Im looking forward to.

:o(

Hi Fairydust, I hope you can enjoy your lunch with your sister and get an understanding ear. You are doing so well just keeping on, there is nothing else for it but to keep putting one foot in front of the other every day. You may never know why he left or what is going on in his life but for your own benefit you have to let him go. He might be feeling guilt and that is why he is not talking to you at all now but what difference does it make why, the outcome is the same. I can understand why you asking yourself why as you must want to know was it something you have done, is there someone else, is there anything you can do to sort this, is it your MS but again if he won’t talk to you you may never know. Can you ask your doctor to arrange to speak to someone professionaly so you can get things off your chest in a safe environment with someone who is not invested in you emotionally such as your mum who only has your best interest at heart but cannot help you so probably feels sad and frustrated. A professional could give you coping techniques and a safe place to just vent and cry and get it all out and help you come to acceptance. I hope you start to move forward soon and start finding joy in your life. Hugs L x

I think whoever said his silence is his guilt probably hit the nail on the head! Don’t be hard on your Mum either, she’s probably frustrated with the situation too and hating seeing you in so much pain. I’m sure all your family eel that way.

I think Lindylou is probably right, get some help as you will be helping yourself.

Take care, yes it’s been 2 months and horrible months at that but you’re still here and life goes on - you WILL eventually remember there’s good bits even without him, honest, there is :slight_smile:

Enjoy seeing your sister and keep your chin up

Sonia xx

hi i have just joined the forum after 15 years of having rrms i was told monday that i know have spms it has knoced me for six im not sure what it means is in stor for me now nad my partner its the last thing we needed to hear as she has just had surgery for breast cancer so life just suxs atm any one have any ideas please help

hi fairydust

going out with your sister is the best thing!

try to make more coffee dates and have a special day at least once a week.

i know it hurts. my husband left me for a woman who used to be my friend when i was 17. so i felt double betrayed.

now be warned or at least prepared because once you start to feel happy without him he’ll want to come back!

thats what mine did. i really didnt want him back but he wore me down with begging and crying.

that was 15 years ago. it no longer hurts, probably my ms hurts enough!!

enjoy your lunch.

regroup yourself and move on.

carole x

hello hun. 2 months isnt a long time, to get over an 11 year relationship. Surely he is paying towards the kids, as they arent working…right?

Yes, I agree his silence is guilt. But things have to be discussed and sorted yet, so his not speaking to you is wrong.

There was a Loose Women show recently, where one of them said;

revenge is making sure they know you have moved on and are happy.

That hasnt happened yet, but try to build up to that yeh?

luv Pollx

thanks guys… I appreciate your comments. x

Fairy Dust, so sorry for your situation, totally agree, one step at a time, take care honey x

Oh my word, you really are going through the wars :frowning:

Please do start a new thread so people see your comment, it obviously went thu moderation as I just found it by accident - I’m sure people will want to offer you support

Sonia x

If I could come out of retirement to sort a few things out I would.I abhor slime like him.All I can say is be strong and get with the Coven on here to put a curse on him.They’re BOGOF at this time of year

Wb xx

Hi Fairydust, I think you are doing really well and staying really strong in the face of your problems! Can you try to be out when your husband comes this week? That will nonplus him! Hope you can keep going with support from your friends and family. You will get through this! Teresa xx

Similar to an earlier comment: The best revenge is living well. So even if you’re knackered and emotional you just have to keep plugging away 1 day at a time. Make sure the kids notice how busy/happy you are for when you come up in their conversation with their dad. I personally would just be on my way out as he arrives on Thursday with a cheery ‘you know where it all is - leave your keys in the (?new) pot when you’ve finished please’. May be heartbreaking but it’s when they see you don’t need them that they start to wonder and you become more interesting. Those lonely evenings - a book club, yoga, pilates, an evening class? Think you have to force yourself to find new hobbies. It’s a cliche but you will feel better when you do. Take care of yourself. xx

I agree with Teresa, you should definitely try to be out Thursday. He will expect you to be in and he will expect you to cry and plead with him and ask him questions etc. If you’re not there that will definitely throw him a bit of course, it’ll make him think he doesn’t know you as well as he thinks he does. If you have to let him in if he doesn’t have a key then you need to make sure he knows that you’ve got something else on and could he hurry up and get his papers and go. It’ll be hard not to ask him questions but try to refrain if you can. If you can do this you’ll feel a lot stronger in yourself. He may or may not return to you but you will get through this. Everybody is stronger than they think they are.

Nothing much to add to the already excellent advice you have had except to say that if you can’t be out (or about to go out) then invite some friends round for glass of wine and girlie gossip and giggles. It will give you moral support to be able to ignore him and will prove to him that you have a life without him. Hopefully then you can be aloof and distant and (at least on the surface) show him that you don’t care and are moving on.

Stay strong, you are doing so well to just get through each day. Do your best to keep busy and force yourself to smile each day. One day it will be a real smile and you will realise that you can manage on your own. I truly believe that something good will come out of all this. I also believe in karma …

Tracey xx