As the post states I have not been diagnosed with MS and obviously some of the symptoms I have may be nothing to do with it.
Of course nobody can diagnose me here but I’m just feeling very lost and confused and isolated with it all.
I have other long-term health problems (regarding mental health) and am currently unable to work due to these and because of terrible mental health treatment in my area and almost no support network. But for ages there’s been so much more going on that I just can’t really explain and all of this together is completely debilitating me. I don’t know whether they are psychosomatic, or why they’re happening. Bear with me that it’s hard to separate some of the symptoms of my mental health condition and this other ‘thing’ – but I’ll do my best.
The biggest problem I’m having is extreme fatigue. I am not getting a lot of restorative sleep and am not able to be as active during the day as I’d like so this may well contribute. But even just getting 7 instead of 8 hours per night makes me non-functional for the day. It’s very extreme. I can barely move, I’m fighting against everything just to do simple tasks, and my brain feels like it’s filled with cotton wool. I feel exhausted yet wired, and unfit to even step out the door because I’m so on edge.
I can’t focus my eyes properly and feel totally detached (although this may be dissociation that I am experiencing). I just feel so much less capable in general. I feel like I’m becoming stupid and I have no original thoughts left – I can barely construct a sentence sometimes. I use words and phrases that are ‘kind of appropriate’ because I can think of the right ones. This may be because of isolation and mental health problems, as I said, but it doesn’t seem to exactly fit.
All this means that a lot of the time I just feel completely useless – even tiny things take forever to do and I can’t deal with any complex ideas, or follow conversations.
I have cold hands and feet, but I always have done. My circulation doesn’t seem great but I don’t know if this is relevant at all. Parts of my body seem to go numb very easily but it’s usually related to my body position in some way – they don’t just go numb completely randomly when there is no pressure on them. I often wake up because of numbness and tingling – my feet especially get very tingly/I get a crawling feeling. I feel clumsy and wobbly and crash into things and drop things a bit more than I used to – but again I don’t know if this is relevant or not or if it’s because of MS. I’m not getting any extreme pain, or muscle stiffness or anything that screams serious physical illness in that sense, it’s just that so much is obviously wrong and I’m debilitated and stuck and feel powerless. I just feel like I’ve lost all autonomy and lost myself.
Thanks for reading.