Hello, I’ve been looking on the site for a few weeks now and reading various threads, but this is the first time I have actually written anything.
I have suspected MS and following my second full spine and brain MRI, I have to wait until September to see my neurologist and find out if I have it or not. I can’t help feeling that the lack of urgency and further testing is because it is MS. I am not, and haven’t been, very upset about it. I’m not overly worried and just taking it as it comes. It sucks and symptoms are making everyday life, and work, tricky, but I’m ok about it really - I just want to know.
My main issue, aside from my symptoms (tingly hands, legs and feet, numbness, buzzing etc) is quite severe anxiety and depression. I haven’t seen my doctor for a chat yet, and I find it hard to distinguish between the two, but I feel incredibly down and unmotivated, yet sick to the stomach with, almost constant, adrenaline and a churned up stomach. When I remember I have to do something or if I get a work email from someone that requires more then just a quick reply, I feel sick and the anxious feeing overwhelms me. I find that I just ignore these things and whenever they creep back into my mind, my stomach knots up.
I run my own business from home while looking after my three year old and seven month old, and there’s times when they’re crying or whinging, when I really do want to hurt myself, scream and run away. I get an overwhelming sense of needing to be alone in silence and I get incredibly angry at the drop of a hat. I completely dread my partner going to work and count down the minutes until he is home. I have always suffered with this to some extent, even as a child, but it is overwhelming at the moment.
Is this related to MS or is it a separate issue? I also feel like my brain is cloudy (?). I can’t make decisions because I feel I can’t concentrate, which makes me really frustrated and cross (sometimes it’s intense anger). I have a lot of things flying around my head but I find it really hard to pluck individual ones out - it’s like I can’t clarify anything in my mind and everything is muddled up. I read that problem solving can be a struggle with MS, which I definitely feel is a problem for me even though that had always been one of my strong points.
I’m sorry if this post doesn’t require make sense or seem relavant, I just needed to get it out. It would be good to know if anxiety/depression is a symptom of MS, not just a direct result of the difficulties/worries of living with the disease (if that makes sense?).