I am really hoping that someone knows exactly how I am feeling right now and can honestly say it gets better.
I have always been a worrier even back at school (now 31) and diagnosed last April in the space of 6 weeks so came as a huge shock.
The last 10 days have been horrific worrying about everything especially whether people like me at work, 2/3 people in particular and they have given me no indication that they don’t. I have an amazing husband and two daughters aged 8 and 4 so surely my priority should be then not worrying about work people, it’s not even the actual work getting to me it is what people think of me. I am in charge of a section of 8 so the part of my mind that is working is telling me I can’t be as close as they are to onw another because of my role. I feel awful that basically my feelings have been brought on by a small thing the other week.
I have lost 8lbs in 10 days as all I am doing is vomiting/urging and cant bring myself to eat! I saw 4 dr’s last week as most days having panic attacks and needed to be reassured. My citalopram was upped from 20 to 40mg last friday and I have now been given propanol to take once a day. I have also booked and had two appointments with a physocotherpist, who firmly believes it’s anxiety and she can help, but why dont I believe her!
We are also due to move house in 6 weeks as after diagnosis we thought maybe best if we had a bungalow and always wanted a bigger garden for the girls, now I am doubting that, but if I let this house go and stay where we are I am sure I will regret it.
I feel such a mess and petrified I will never get better.
Anxiety is horrible - but there are things you can do to help yourself and in my experience it does go.
Firstly with a recent diagnoses of MS and an impending move it’s understandable that you would be experiencing some anxiety. Some techniques I have found that are helpful are:
Meditation - just find a quiet place and time where you won’t be disturbed, get into a very comfortable position, sitting is best if you don’t want to risk going to sleep! Then try an relax all your muscles, concentrate on all of the areas of you body, one by one, start with you feet, tighten the muscles and then let them relax, then your calves, then thighs until you work your way up to finally your shoulders, then neck, then face, then forehead. It helps to breathe out as your are realxing each muscle. The just concentrate on your breathing and breath using your stomach, rather than you chest. As you breathe out imagine that you are letting go of all your concerns. Try to empty your mind of all thoughts and worries. If you start to think of things, breath them out. Do this for as long as you like and when you feel ready just concentrate on the air as it enters your nose, really focus on how the air feels as it comes in through your nostrils and then finaly just concentrate on the tip of your nose and how, as you breathe in, the air feels there.
This is a simple meditation and I find it very helpful in calming me down and bringing myself into the present rather than worrying about what has happened or is going to happen.
Telling yourself that you are OK and that what ever happens you will be fine and will cope. Is a good positive message to keep repeating to yourself, even if you don’t believe it at first, it is true!
Write down your anxieties or talk them through with a good listener. Try to pin-point exactly what it is you are anxious about. Our anxieties are usually quite vague and it can be very helpful to really explore what is really worrying you. For example you are doubtful about moving to a bungalow and worried that you’ll regret it if you don’t move. What exactly is causing the doubt? Do you like the bungalow? Is the area OK? It maybe that your fears are actually groundless or you may have a genuine concern, in which case you can do aomething about it.
Let it go - you are worried about whether some of your work colleagues like you - don’t. Life is too short for worrying about stuff like that. I read a book, at about the same time as my diagnosis, titled FK IT, the Ultimate Spiritual Way. I found it very helpful and I would say it is worth reading, but to sum it up if something is worrying you just say "fk it" and let it go. It sounds so simple, but it does work!
Sorry, I’ve gone on a bit. Anxiety is an interest of mine and I know, for me, it’s important to avoid as it does my MS no good at all. I hope you find at least some of the above helpful. If any of the above doesn’t make sense, let me know and I’ll explain further.
I know just how you are feeling, I ended up having a minor breakdown just before and after dx. I couldn’t bare to be home alone and spent my days at a neighbour’s house lying on her sofa until my brother and sister inlaw came home from work, where I stayed until my husband got home.
These feelings only got better when I stopped feeling guilty and began to feel good about myself again. I looked at the sunshine and thought b… everyone else I am going to enjoy my life. My husband and daughter were relieved that I did this as my anxiety was not helping them either. I have always been a worrier putting other people’s needs before mine.
I also started on Cipralex anti depressant and later Amitriptyline for pain.The drugs combined with a great support network from my local MS Society have helped to rebuild me. It has taken a long time to get any support from the NHS but I am in a good place now. I have been under my local pain clinic, which has given me a course in Tai chi which I find useful for relaxation. I also had a course in Alexander Technique, this helped me too.
Basically anything that relaxes you and helps you value yourself is good.
I often feel paranoid and seem to remember unkind words that people have said to me but try to shake myself out of these thoughts as they are negative and often just part of living with a Neurological disease.
I realise that you have more to cope with having a young family, this makes it difficult to focus on yourself but before you can give your love and care to others you need to give it to yourself.
i read ‘essential help for your nerves’ by dr claire weekes,that helped me no end, when i started to suffer with really bad anxiety,i first read it over 30 years ago, and have just read it again,because i have been really anxious because i am having a bad time with my ms,it takes the fear out what you are feeling,and i also find , deep relaxation excercises work too,you do have to help yourself though,i think thats really important.
Juniper- yes when I first saw the bungalow really liked it our absolute favourite out of the houses we have looked at. I dont live in mainland uk, I live in Channel Islands and it’s only two mins away from where we live now so my girls can stay at their schools.
I just hope the tablets kick in soon but want to prevent this happening in the future so will do so reading. My friend brought me a book on Anxiety which she found useful and will have a look at some others and look into relaxation classes.