Feeling blue. My partner has said I only think of myself. That I’m not being a good mother to my daughter. ( Thinks I should force her to eat a variety of foods, she’s 13 and I congratulate myself if I manage to get her to eat anything. And preparing food is a nightmare with my hands badly affected, )and why is it just down to me. He could help. And she’s old enough to lend a hand but its just not happening. When I said that I feel so low that I want it to end. To never wake up again( or at least wake up with ms) he’s decided its too much for him, he can’t cope so has said goodbye. Wish I could walk away from it. Tbh he’s been great, I love him and I’ll miss him. O well lifes a … Sometimes.
Force a 13 year old to eat a variety of foods??
When my daughter was 13 it was all pizza and burgers and like you I considered it a little victory to get anything other than a pkt of crisps down her neck. They pass through it but if you make everything a battle you will have a miserable few years.
My husband (now my ex) had very definite ideas of what should and shouldn’t happen with our daughter but he wasn’t so big on actually helping. I think the awful teenage years were made 100% worse by his unrealistic expectations of her – and me.
I’m really sorry that your relationship has faltered. I’m also desperately sorry that you feel so low. I shed more tears during my daughter’s 13 – 17 than I did before or since. Now my lovely girl is grown up with a baby of her own and is my biggest support.
Whatever happens with your husband keep the lines open with your daughter – it will all come right in the end and you will be able to see a light at the end of a very dark tunnel.
Jane
I would stop food becoming an issue rigth now. Buy a variety of good foods, put them on the plate and dont watch her like a hawk. Dont keep snacks in the house, I always found that if they come to the table hungry then they will eat more or less what is there.
With regard to how you feel, it would be a good idea to talk things through with someone. You probably should see your GP or MS nurse if you have one. It is difficult living with this horrible illness, but we only get one go at this so try to live the best life you can.
Try to do at least one thing every day that you enjoy - going out, phoning a friend or relative, or perhaps reading. Sometimes it is the little things that make life living and concentrating on what you can do rather than what you can’t. I know that is easier said then done, but try a small step to making things better. Perhaps going to the cinema with your daughter? Just an idea.
Hope you are feeling a bit better. Take care.
Regards
I have issues with my teenage daughter also, not food but other things, plays me off with my husband, then he takes her side when I tell her off after she’s spoken to me with attitude… does cause terrible rows, its not your fault, its not your daughter’s… I’m afraid its her age… As you say its a problem for you to make food, then just leave it in his hands, then it wont be your fault, perhaps then he will understand how difficult it is… SOME men are from Mars and I say some, like my dad, he’s a good bloke…As you say 13 she could help, perhaps she could do a list of what she likes, so its easier… I find food times are a nightmare in my house, we all eat different stuff, even the animals do… Its my own fault I know… very best of luck to you… This illness causes so many problems, my hubby told me once, he can see how so many MS marriages end in divorce… hopefully mine wont… x G
My heart goes out to you. I have been in a similar situation, my advise don’t be afraid to put yourself first as you need help and support. Those who cant help dont tend to hang around long and it can be a blessing in disguise. You deserve better.
Peter
Hi, I remember what is what like when my girls were teenagers . They are now 35 and 40 and are ploughing through feeding issues with their own kids! What goes around comes around, eh?
As your your husband…didn`t he take the same vows as you…in sickness and in health.
Getting on with normal everyday life is difficult enough, without having a monster as big as MS sharing your home.
Your OH may come back, but if he doesnt then hes done you a favour, eh?
hoping things get easier for you.
luv Polllx
Do you no what Hunny? Sounds like HES the prob not your daughter!!! Teens are a mare, if the truth be known, you probobly were!! Unless she is showing signs of an eating disorder, & I sincerely hope she is not, she will make sure is getting what she needs. Seems to me HE used that as an excuse, because you are very low anyway. MS is horrible & only those with it know how it affects us, doesnt need to take your life over though, think most of us on here can tell you about the dark moods, longing not to have it, wanting to be “normal”, whats that anyway? Please take care of yourself, remember you always have support here, weve been there, are there. Tracey xx
Greetings
My daughter went through funny phase with food when she was in her early teenage years which made it difficult to prepare nice meals for her. It was just a phase I think. She’s 21 now and totally loves my cooking, and tells her friends about it. Often we share a meal together and it is food she would never have touched when she was young. She enjoys us cooking together as well. And now she’s old enough, she can imbibe a glass of my favourite wine with me too.
When she reached a suitable age I would encourage her to roll her sleeves up and help me in the kitchen. She didn’t mind so much. There is no reason in the world why you should be expected to do it all, and I think if you continue to do this it will always be expected of you.
Mark
Mark, You have a lovely relationship with your daughter - And she is a lucky girl to have such a good dad. l have never made my daughter [now nearly 30] sit down and eat all thats on her plate. Mealtimes should never be a ‘war zone’. l was the same with bedtimes. You eat when your hungry and sleep when you are tired. So l never had any of these issues with my daughter. But saying that l also never had or used ‘convenience’ food - never gave her cola to drink - or bags of crisps/nibbles - rarely sweets. At a young age she could make her own ‘packed lunch’ for school - and could help with the cooking. Now grown up - with her own house - she is always entertaining and cooks lovely dinners for her friends. And still only uses fresh food. She does eat chips occasionally and loves her pints of cider!!! But most of the time she eats like l do - high protein/fat - low carb - lots of veg/salad.
F.