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Think I'll give shopping a miss.

I shop online for most of my groceries but I like to choose my own fruit an veg, I’m there two or three times a week it helps keep me mobile and I can manage ok using the trolley as a walking aid. A lady I know briefly works there and I often see her, we exchange a casual hello, how are you, isn’t the weather rubbish that kind of thing. Today I saw her again to be met with “are you here again!” I replied with a smile “it gets me out of the house” she replied “get back to work then” I was stunned i just sort of looked at her and carried on walking. I really didn’t know how to reply. I certainly wasn’t going to explain why I am not working, besides I’m sure she has been told previously.

It makes me wonder what other people I know think now I’m no longer working. My friends, work colleagues and a lot of aquantances all know I have MS and depending how close we are they know some or all of the problems I face. I do not bore people I see only casually with the details of my life. I do not have to justify myself to anyone but am I doing a disservice to others like me by not explaining why I can no longer work, after all when I’m hiding behind and hanging on to a trolley I don’t look as though I have much of a problem.

Jan x

jan

theres a serious problem that others have-theres no cure for it either i am sad to say but its much more common than ms.

its called ignorance and i use any rare shopping trip as my way of educating the less fortunate.

ellie

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its awful when you get some silly ignorant person make some stupid remark like she did,it stays with you for ages,ive had it happen a lot over the years.

i remember once when i was really ill and wasnt going out of the house much at all,i said to a friend i didnt think i was going to be able to go out with her that night for a drink as i was just too worn out…she replied in an angry tone… WHY are YOU tired,you dont even work,so how have you the cheek to say your tired…

i replied that i would rather feel tired thru working,than feel worn out with a neurological illness,try it some time… i felt that angry i could have slapped her…needless to say shes no longer a so called friend…

try to ignore silly remarks,from people who dont have a clue…easier said than done i know…

J x

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Hi jan, I would aso have been upset about that woman`s comment. But she probably made it flippantly and didnt realise the hurt it caused.

When things like that are said to us, out of the blue, we are shocked and not ready with an answer. Then later, we think of all sorts of things we could/should have said. This goes round and round in our heads…most of us anyway.

You are right to continue to go out, wherever and whenever you feel well enough.

And no, you dont have to tell anyone your private business.

luv Pollxx

ps hope your shopping trips are happier.

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Hello Jan

If this person is a member of staff, you could write to the company and complain. Was she working at the time?

Her behaviour is unprofessional, depends how strongly you feel.

You do not have to justify yourself to anyone Jan. You know the truth and the people that love you do, that’s enough

Take care x

I was just stunned at the comment, I wonder if she’s been thinking along those lines for a while and took the first opportunity she could to voice her thoughts. She’s welcome to walk in my shoes if she wants, as long as I don’t have to walk in hers.

I go to the supermarket because I can go alone whereas a shopping centre is impossible unless someone takes me. This incident won’t stop me, I’ll just be more choosy about who I pass the time of day with in future.

Thank you all for replying

Jan x

Sorry Blossom it’s taking me so long to reply that I missed your post.

She does work there, I know her from her previous job if I didn’t then I would complain. I was area manager of the site she used to work at she was probably just trying to be clever. Last time I spoke to her she was telling me how much she disliked her job. No doubt she sees me not working and wishes she didn’t have to, she won’t be thinking of reasons and ŵhat it means to be in my place.

Jan x

I get this all the time, and I HATE it. It’s got to the stage now where I dread meeting new people or talking to people I don’t know very well cos they will ask me what i do and I don’t want to have to explain my situation or have them judge me. xxx

It’s very difficult, “what are you doing with yourself theses days” is the stock question we get asked, or ask when we meet someone we haven’t see for a while. The conversation is on a downer straight away, the last thing I want to do is discuss and compare health problems. I guess turning the topic back to them is the best way of avoiding our health problem. Easier said than done though, specially if you are in a wheelchair or using walking aids.

Jan x

Hello Jan and folksongs. I’ve found what you’ve both said interesting, it’s certainly making me think. I personally don’t care about what other people are thinking about me and do my best in life not to judge other people. I am 58, maybe that’s something to do with it, I’ve no idea. It would be interesting and helpful to hear views from younger people with MS and how they cope in this type of situation. X

Older people too of course… phew!!

hi jan

i was once approached by an elderly lady who wanted to know why i was “acting like an invalid”.

fortunately i was in a good mood so i gently explained that i have a neurological condition.

this was met with disbelief and she thought that these “conditions” were made up/excuses!

i said “if only!”

then explained what multiple sclerosis actually is - “multiple scars”

i have many scars on my brain which makes things more difficult.

i kept on giving big smiles and she ended up catching up with me and saying thank you for the chat!

like i said, i was in a good mood that day!!

carole x

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I don’t mind telling people what is wrong with me and explaining what it means if they ask but I’m sure this person has been told previously. If she had said will you get back to work or when will you get back to work I would have explained why that is not possible. It was the abruptness of her statement that surprised me.

Blossom I’m 54 and usually take things in my stride, this just caught me off guard I’m afraid. This kind of thoughtless comment could put someone off going out and isolate them. It’s hard enough finding the strength and incentive to go out at all sometimes. I went again this morning just for the hell of it…I really need to find something more interesting to do

Jan x

Blossom, I’m 26, and before I was diagnosed with MS in 2008, I really didn’t care what people though of me. Since being diagnosed, I have all these worries and feel anxious all the time. I am constantly aware of people judging me and I feel that MS has destroyed the “real me” love bex xxx

Hello Jan

I agree, it could isolate some people. I’m gad you went back for the hell of it

I quite like supermarkets, particularly ones in the big towns/cities. Went to Asda recently in Newark and one of the guys who worked there was so helpful. Offered to organise me a buggy I declined though.

Hello bex

I am so sad to hear how worried and anxious you now feel.

Through my life, when things have affected me emotionally, I’ve learnt to look at myself and ask myself why am I letting this particularly event/thing-call it what you want bother me.

Please do not let other peoples opinions of you control who you are. You are wasting your time worrying about this and those people are getting on with their lives. Good people-there are plenty out there, will not judge you.

Read self motivation books, join a group. Just do one positive thing everyday-look in the mirror each morning and say what a beautiful person you are.

I don’t know how long you’ve had MS, perhaps you’re still in the acceptance stage bex?

((((((hugs)))))