Well I am in the process of selling my house, its actually got as far as me signing contract and change over on the Land Registry so just hoping this time it will go through to completion.
I thought it would be prudent to have a financial expert come to see me as i have know idea what to do with the money that will be coming my way, and would like some of it to work for me.
Anywoo he came yesterday. The upshot of it was the burning question…
He could invest some of my money for me for five years where by I could take out quite a good savings. He asked me “I take it you will be happy with that”? So I sat and pondered and gave him a shock … thinking about it seriously I felt would i want to still be here in five years…"?
I suddenly couldn’t see a future for me that far away. All I could see was pain and deterioration. I shocked myself by saying "to be honest I cant see myself being here in five years…and for the life of me I couldn’t.
My care worker was in ear shot, and she said your stronger then you realise, my other guy i work with says the same but he is still going.
As much as I could i wanted to be positive, but couldn’t be. I wasn’t being morbid or scared just matter of fact.
He was taken aback by my statement, and said ah well then there isn’t much i can do to help you, but we carried on chatting and he gave me lots of ideas on what to do with the money.
When he left I sat there and really thought about it. In five years I would be 73, i am barely walking now I had seen the ends of others people MS, where they end up bed bound and bloated and a burden on family.
No I actually hope that i am spared all that. Am I being morbid, should I be fighting more for myself?
I lost my husband he had COPD he wasn’t terminal, and yet without warning his illness took him from me at 71 just when we thought we were going to have a life together.
So how can you predict how long you will be here… I might suddenly change and get more active who knows.
But I couldn’t in all honesty answer that.
I am happy have had a great life really great, i would love to live for a much longer time obviously and enjoy my family, but it was kind of a wake up call when I realised I couldn’t see a future as far as five years away. So now I am going to do as much as i can in my life and enjoy what time is left.
You never know i might win a million on the premium bonds, who knows, but for now, I am taking my life out of the shroud of self pity and MS and going to enjoy it again.
MS has robbed so much from me. Its time I took my time back.
But it was an interesting question.