Tears

Caring for someone with MS
1

I broke down in floods of tears this morning (I don’t cry) but my husbands MS is just getting so on top of me at the moment. He is physically deteriorating (already using a wheelchair) and now experiencing pain. He is working through various medications to help the pain but so far nothing seems to work. I feel so lost and scared for the future. This is just awful.

2

Hello there,

It sounds like you’re having a tough time at the moment. Don’t beat yourself up for crying, we’re all only human. Have you thought about calling the MS Society Helpline, to talk to someone about how you’re feeling? For your support, there’s also Carers Uk, who are based around the country, and they are their to support you and let you know what support is available for you - https://www.carersuk.org/ You may not call yourself a carer but, you tick all the boxes that say “carer” - you’re still his wife as well as his carer.

It can be a cruel condition, that also affects those that don’t have the condition, and everyone needs some support at some point. What I’m trying to say is that you don’t have to do this on your own, there is help and support out there.

Good luck and take care.

3

Thanks so much for the response, feel better for actually having a cry! I think a lot of things had just been building up. I will follow up on your recommendations as I do need to talk.

4

Hi,

We who have MS know that this disease impacts just as much on our spouses as it does ourselves.

Any relationship depends on good communication between partners. Can you talk to your husband about how you feel?

Best wishes,

Anthony

5

I think my crying shocked him, I then felt guilty that he was having to comfort me when he is the one dealing with so much pain and other issues at the moment. I also don’t want him to stop talking to me about how he is feeling. We know each other very well but neither of us are great talkers at the best of times. I have only just joined this forum but it does help. Thank you for taking the time to respond.

6

My heart goes out you, this is a really sh***y disease, as others have said it affects others in different, but just as painful ways, besides the patient. Do you have an MS treatment centre nearby? these can be wonderful places of information & support, as admirable as it is, don’t try to carry all the baggage on your own, share it out beyond you two, I hope you get help & realise you are not alone, have you tried writing it all down (for your eyes only) it can help alleviate the jumbled up things in your head. The very best to both of you for the future. K

1 Like
7

Thank you for taking the time to respond, it really does help. Unfortunately our MS treatment centre is a little too far away to be convenient. I will search out other ways of getting support though. I just feel like I have had a reality check over the last few weeks and a very scary glimpse of the future. I do like the idea of writing down my thoughts (for my eyes only), sometimes it is really hard to admit how I am feeling. Thanks

8

First of all, don’t forget how tired you probably are, non of us cope when we are mentally/physically exhausted, it is terrifying when new symptoms appear and are determined to stay, it wears you down. Your husband must also be frightened of the future. I hope you find help and guidance, very soon. Always feel free to have a good old moan, it costs nothing to lend an ear( although it’s an e mail). K

9

I don’t think you should feel guilty that he had to comfort you,its a 2 way thing. My wife needs a mobility scooter to get about and despite her best efforts to hide it i know shes in alot of pain too,and suffers from incredible fatigue most of the time etc.For a long time i felt i just had to suck up any pain i might be in or just try and ignore being tired etc without even mentioning it,now we are both a bit more used to her having Ms i am back to moaning about my aches and tiredness if i want too.I do everything i can to help and support her but now i have got over theguilt i was feeling(for a long time)that i couldn’t really do anything to make her better,nor is there much i can say,but sometimes a quick hug says it without words All the best Ollie

1 Like
10

Gosh the desire to try and fix it is overwhelming! I think the hard thing is when I lose him mentally to the fog or pain. I can deal with the physical side but this is something else. Thanks for thoughts, it’s always good to remember that there are other people going through the same thing (not that I would wish it on anyone)