Stress who needs it?????????

Everyday living
1

Does anyone else have stress related relapses? cause I feel another relapse coming on.

I know this is a werid thing to say but it does feel like that.

It all started Monday when I came home from seeing my MS and rang my hubby to put the kettle on and have a cuppa ready for when I get home only to find out that our youngest son wasnt even home from school. So I was worried out of my head (he is only 9) and found him still at school doing a after school football club wihich I knew nothing about cause he signed the letter himself giving permission for him to do it.

Then when I think nothing else can happen the mother in law starts. I put on a Blackberry mobile and a tablet thing like a I pad on my account I have with a shop and she rings today to tell me that she dont want the tablet now she wants the ipad 4. This has just made me so angry cause I was going to get myself a new phone for xmas but cant now because of this. So she wanted me to go into the shop today and change it and pay more money out that we havent got. But she wont take no for a answer she is just ringing and trying to play on the fact that she has helped us out the in past and we dont do nothing for her which is a lie. We also do stuff for her and never get anything back.

I just dont know what to do anymore. All I want to do is cry all the time cause I have had enough of all the rubbish that I get and the guilt trips if I say no. My hubby has tried taking to her and nothing has happened. This has been going on since me and my hubby have been together (thats 13 years now). I had to get some info from my ms nurse to make her believe me that I had MS.

My left arm has now gone numb and thats what happened when I had my last replase in October and it just gor worse from there. And if I do have another relapse it will be my third this year.

Sorry for the long post and moan but I just don’t know what to do anymore. If any one has any ideas what I ccan do please help.

Thanks

Allie x x x

2

First thing you need to do is stand up to that awful woman you call mother in law, and tell her to buy her own ipad 4, she shouldnt expect you to get into debt to pay for her tastes,you need to stop being put upon,and learn to say no,that will ease a lot of your stress,i lost contact with a few so called friends and family because of this very reason,and i dont miss them either,i learnt over the years to just take care of my self, my other half, and my 2 kids,the rest dont really matter,but i suppose it comes with age, i am a lot less tolerent now than i was in my 30s,i dont put up with c*** from people,but at least no one ever puts on me lol,it speaks volumes, that you had to get the ms nurse to tell her you have MS,because she didnt believe you !!! that says it all, about what type of person she is, i cant believe some peoples attitudes at times.you need to stop feeling guilty too,stress can have a massive impact on relapses,i have had some real bad ones due to stress,so you need to take time out, learn to like yourself and relax more,and then you might start to feel stronger.Hope you feel better soon.

jaki xx

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3

Thanks Jaki

I do try and say no but she has a way of getting under your skin until you give in.

I have done the same with so called friends as well if they cant be bothered with me why should i waste in time and effort on them.

At the mo I dont evenn like going out on my own cause i hate myself so much and hate the way i look (have put on 3 stone in weight since April this year) I used to tell people straight away if they had upset me etc but now I dont say a word. I am trying to get my self esteem back but its hard when you have to deal with people like the mother in law. Also when i go out people just stare at me cause i have to walk with a walking stick.

I will try my hardest to put what you replied with into action and will let u know

Thanks means a lot

Allie XXX

4

Hi Allie,

Its so awful when when you have low self esteem,it makes everything harder, i put 2 stone on over the last few years, because i have to use a wheelchair,when i go out, so lack of mobility is the reason i have put the weight on, i dont have a big appetite, so i have found it hard to loose the weight,so i have to stick to 1000 calories a day to loose 1 to 2 lb a week,i have lost 10 lbs so far,and feel much better for it, BUT it took me 2 years to get my diet head on lol, i kept trying, but then failed,so keep telling yourself you WILL loose weight,and it will happen, as for having to use a

stick, think of it as a tool,when i had to start using my w/c i felt so bad about it,it took me a year to get used to the idea of having to use it, but i dont bother now, if it wasnt for the w/c i would be stuck indoors all the time,i just tell myself that people dont really take much notice of you, they are more botherd about themselves,i feel a lot better now about using it,i thought i would never get used to the idea,the confidence doesnt come straight away, you have to work at it,i was such a strong independant woman, that brought my 2 kids up single handed,i worked full time, and had a great social life,and was always very strong, so i have found it very hard to come to terms with,but i could be a lot worse off, i have had MS for nearly 20 years now, so i am not doing that bad,to say ive had it that long,at least i managed to bring my 2 kids up,

So dont feel bad about using the stick, its not your fault you have MS,and you know you have selfworth,it doesnt matter one little bit, what others think,hold your head high girl.

jaki xx

5

I will try and keep myself strong but it is hard when you have had all the rubbish I have had. Suppose I was lucky having my hubby with me to help with the kids but when we first got togther he had a tumor on his knee which stopped him from doing much but now that has gone. When I was looking after my hubby i had the kids small and was working full time as well and still had the house to run.

I will try and think of the stick as a tool and see what happens. I have managed to get the wii fit out and try and do the yoga on it when the legs allow.

But thanks so much for your support it means alot to me.

Thanks again

Allie

xxxx

6

Thanks Sarah

I have now passed it all over to my hubby and he had words again today in front of his Dad who didnt even have a clue what was going on and things where said and now the MIL isnt speaking to us and I’m not fussed at all nor are my boys.

I know I will always have stuff throw at me and up till now I have coped with everything but it seems now i cant and I’m a person who dont like to ask for help so it is going to be hard.

I know what it is like having a 12 year old I think mine thinks he is 16 already he is never at home always out with his mates but he does worry about his mum the same as my 9 year old.

I have now decided that the people in my house our the only ones I’m going to worry about and if people dont like it tough.

I will try and look after myself and you do the same.

Take care and thanks again

Allie xxx

7

I understand how you feel about your walking stick. I’ve only recently started using mine all the time and I am still feeling pretty self-conscious. What amazes me are the number of people who notice the stick but do not stand aside, they just keep coming! There are some selfish blighters around. Families are hard work aren’t they? When you get married you end up being married to your husband’s family too. It’s no fun! Keep your chin up. Teresa xx

8

I have been using mine since March this year and I dont think I will ever get used to using it. But my kids say to me if people wont move just nudge them with the stick and they will move.

Dont you just love the way kids thinks.

And yes you cant pick your hubbys family wish i could sometimes.

I will try and keep my chin up!

Allie xxx

9

Yes stress can cause a relapse.

I had a car crash recently. The man who ran in the back of me was very aggressive, blamed me, called the Police and ran around getting witness address’s. I was even breathalized in my own village during the middle of the day, oh the shame! I was convinced I would lose my Motability Car. I couldn’t stop crying I was so wound up I ended up having a relaspe a couple of days later…

Some might say, ‘how do you know you weren’t due a relapse then anyway?’ Who knows that I wasn’t?!

Anyway, are you telling me you’re going to get into debt buying an item for another person? I wouldn’t do that even if the item was for myself. May I suggest you go round and speak to your MIL alone and point out that financially yourself AND her son are unable to buy her another expensive item.

As Grange Hall used to say,

“Just say NO!”

10

Allie,

Have just read rest of posts and need to add. I have a stick. I am 44 so I guess it isn’t common.

However, I don’t know what people think and further more I don’t care!

Fine if MIL doesn’t want to speak to you. WIN WIN.

THE most important people in your life are your kids, husband and yourself. Nothing else should matter, least of all a person who demands expensive ‘toys’ from her family.

I wish you well, and wanna give you a great big hug xxx

11

Thanks fififlower

I have since had a phone call to say not to bother about the item she wanted due to the fact that she dont want it now. But I told her it is too late the damage is done and thats that. I dont want to speak to her again and nor does my husband her own son so she is the one who is missing out.

It feels like a huge weight has been lifted and I can start living my life now I want for the first time in 13 years. It is really funny when me and my husband first got to togther I didnt care what people said about me I would have a go at them if they looked at me funny and now i just like to hide in the corner and dont want to do anything. Not anymore the ‘old Allie’ as my hubby says is going to come back.

Would like to say a final thanks to everyone for all your help and advice.

So i guess this is the start of the rest of my life with my hubby, 2 boys, 2 cats and dog and my MS.

Thanks again and everyone take care of yourselves. If you ever need someone to talk to I’m always here.

Allie xxx

12

You know stress can hit you really hard, and I had to explain this to my hubby, I am OK with MIL however he has a friend who drove me mad, and hubby still wanted us to see him we use to meet up every year for a weekend away each couple chosing where to go. Anyway this year they booked a house in the north of england, which was anyone with a disabilities worse nightmare at this i said enough is enough, we then met up a month ago for our 25th weddng anniversary, we celebrated it in a lovely hotel which my son works in, all that attended said it was good even the idiot who for years would say that he wouldn’t go to a hotel as he could prepare food better. Anyway him amd his wife that the weekends were stopping i then got an email asking if it was the travel. Too well brought up told him that MS doesn’t allow you to have much energy and I no longer can make the effort, but you know haven’t felt better that it is now stopping. Sometimes people just go on their own selfish path and don’t think about how it affects others, ironically the other friends of my husband have said why does he not see that you are struggling and booking that house was a joke. But if I am being truthful MS has got me out of his company so it is good for something.

take care

13

I know people can be so selfish its unbelieve. Hopefully now I have the probs sorted out with MIL. All I can do is hope.

Take care to everyone who has relpied

Allie xxx