A couple of weeks ago, I had a big party. I had lots of people I am close to there, a mixture of people I see very frequently and really good friends I’ve made in the past but who don’t live near me any more, also my siblings, their children and my mother-in-law.
It was lovely to see my great friends, all together. Unfortunately, I was struggling. I had terrible shooting pains in my face some of the time when I spoke and every time I tried to eat. My walking was terrible, needing two sticks, very slow. But by far the worst thing that happened was near the end of the party. I felt like I needed a poo and got up to go to the toilet. It was so hard for me to walk and took so long that by the time I got there, I had pooed myself. I was wearing a really big pad (because I’d being having problems reaching the loo for weeing as well) so only a very small bit went on my pants and I put it all in the toilet and threw away the soiled pad and I don’t think anyone realised what had happened. But it was horrible.
Yesterday, I had another social event, someone else’s party. There were a couple of good friends of mine there, but it was mostly people I hadn’t seen for ten years. They knew I had been diagnosed with MS when they last saw me, but you probably wouldn’t have been able to tell from looking at me that there was anything wrong with me at that time. My walking was a little skewiff but I didn’t need a stick.
This time, I was using two sticks to walk, couldn’t stand for more than a minute or two, really obviously disabled. People were lovely about getting me food and drink but it was stressful. My facial pain, under control from taking gabapentin, came back. It wasn’t half as bad as it had been and I don’t know whether it came back because it’s getting worse or just because I was stressed.
I wanted to describe this on here because I feel bad moaning about these things to my friends and family. I am also too ashamed to tell them what happened at the end of the first party.