Should I let him go?

Hi peeps – done quite a few posts here in the past, with regard to my hubby and me… been together for 20 yrs, got 2 girls, 8 and 15… but yet again the niggling is starting, we’re great for months and then it raises his head… I know deep down ITS ME!!! But why am I pushing him… he told me on Frid he cant handle it any more, he says he’s afraid to say anything, cos I take it the wrong way and I give him the silent treatment… Well he didnt go, just went in other room – Tells me he loves me every day and NO i dont want him to go but why do I need this constant reassurance that he wants to be with me, for me, the person he fell in love with. Not the woman who prob doesnt satisfy him like I used to, who certainly doesnt look like I used to, also having counselling at the mo… he doesnt know about it. But as I said in the title - SHOULD I LET HIM GO??? Managing on my own, dont even want to go there, financially or supportively I’d struggle… Just want him to stay because he wants to and not because he has to, spoke to my friends and they keep telling me, he’s there because he wants to be, but why do I feel like this then!!! Sorri peeps - any posts appreciated, was diagnosed last yr, so is this me getting to terms with it…

Hi Pink, oh dear, this is so sad…and difficult for all of you.

If your man does love you, wants to be with you, willing to help you with the housework and child caring, then its such a shame that its you who is spoiling things, isn`t it?

Sorry, don`t mean to sound harsh, but I think you already know this, eh?

How long have you been having the counselling? it doesnt sound like its helping.

If your fella really didnt want to be with then wouldnt he have gone before now?

Your insecurities are to blame for upsetting the household. If anyone constantly has to prove his love, then in the end, he may not think it worth all the effort.

Are you telling your counsellor everything? Do you think it would help your man to know you are trying to get help to sort things out? maybe it would.

Also, as you say, your diagnosis is still new and yes, it takes a hell of a lot of accepting/managing etc.

I wonder if a call to your MS nurse might help. She may be able to refer you to get more of the right kind of help.

Im sorry if I am coming over in a nasty way. I honestly dont mean to be like that. i just hope you can find your way through this awful time.

I`ve had PPMS like problems for years and I know how we can doubt our own worth.

much luv Pollx

Hi Pink,

I dont think people tell you every day that they love you if they dont…take it for what it is, the love of your childrens dad.

1 year is still quite fresh and it can take a long time to come to terms with MS…, maybe you should tell him about the counselling…it may make him feel better that you’re taking action and trying to deal with you emotions…maybe he needs someone impartial to talk to aswell or maybe he’d like to go as a couple.

Talk to him, trust him and hopefully things will improve x

He loves you. You don’t want him to leave. He WANTS to be with you. You don’t want to be single. Presumably you still love him (although you don’t say so in your post).

Sounds fantastic to me. The only thing I can see that is a problem is that he doesn’t know you are having counselling. Perhaps he needs to know so that he really believes that this is YOUR problem and not his. And then sort it out with your cousellor.

Best of luck,

Belinda

OK, the others have already given you the long answers - here is a short one:

You say that deep down you “know” it’s you - how do you know that it is not any medication that you are on?

Not just for MS, but for anything.

Make a list of anything that you are taking, and look them up on the 'net - one at a time. Write down (or print off) the side effects. You may find something that you do not like, that fits the way that you feel. Now you can talk to GP, Pharmacist, or MS Nurse about it.

Now you have done something positive to save the relationship that you want to save. You will feel better about it.

Geoff

And a PS: if anything comes up as an SSRI, don’t walk to the GP - run.

Hello Pink,

Don’t trip over life by making it too complicated. From what you have said it is very clear that you husband is still crazy about you (and how many marriages can boast this so far along the line?) and it is equally clear that you still love him too. I am sure that it is just your frustrations with the MS that might make you worry about how you would cope if your husband wasn’t there for you. But if somethink aint broke, don’t fix it. You love him, so tell him so and there is no reason to think that you will ever split. He sounds worth holding on to!

Best wishes to you both and good luck,

Moira

Thank u all for your posts, its nice to have other peoples opinion who are not emotionally involved with us. This has got a lot to do with me I know, lack of self confidence and why did he pick me!!! I know its stupid, I used to be such a confident person, where’s she gone???

Hey Pink

First of all he is telling that he loves you daily and wants to stay with you. I can only say one thing: be totally and utterly honest with him. Some men cannot handle the fact that their loved one has MS and leave. He sounds like he is a keeper, be honest with him about everything with him. How you are feeling, your fears, ie that you feel that you are pushing him away. If you don’t do this then there is every chance that it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. PLEASE talk to him and let him kmow about everything, including the counselling. It may be worth his while going with you so that he can truly understand what you are going through.

About three years ago I was in a really dark place and I took a six week group Cognotive Behavioural Therapy course, I have to say that it was the best thing that I have ever done as far as coping with the MS is concerned. I wish you the very best of luck with the situation that you find yourself in and I hope that it has positive outcome for you.

Andy

Remember you picked him too! She’s still in there…x