Sex (and work)

I was diagnosed in October 2000, with relapsing-remitting MS and it’s probably now secondary progressive. I’ve experienced lots of different symptoms - optic neuritis,balance, nausea, slurred speech, bladder and others - my last significant relapse (when I was in ICU) was about 6 years ago, just after I split up from my ex. I had just bought a new house as a result of our split. I don’t think the house move/ splt was the cause of the relapse but maybe I’m wrong(!) We have 2 boys, 16 (nearly 17) and 13.


Often I am stressed at work, which sometimes requires complex mathematical problem solving. Maybe my cognition has been affected by MS. To be honest I am worried about my future - I do find it difficult to talk to anyone at work about this for fear of being labelled. Ironic because I work for a multi national, the world’s largest in its sector, which advises other companies on human resources, employee remuneration, pensions, amongst other services.

My feeling about work is that they don’t really care, as long as the job is done to their satifaction. All they care about is the bottom line and I suppose it’s hardly surprising but they are quite ruthless. Redundancies and payoffs are a regular feature. Of course in my case I believe they do realise they can’t just make me redundant so the only way to save costs is to not give me a pay rise…for the last 10 years (!!). Effectively I have grounds for constructive dismissal but I don’t want to leave my job, mainly because I’d have difficulty getting another.

During a period of redundancies last year, they did try to put me on PHI as an alternative but I managed to stay put after asking too many awkward questions about the whole process, which they couldn’t or wouldn’t answer. I had that hanging over my head for 6 months last year, before an up turn in our business meant that the need for any further redundancies (or in my case PHI) just disappeared.


I’m not with a long term partner. I do have a problem with cumming. I think I’m relaxed and not stressed durig sex, but maybe not? Being with someone for the first time makes it tricky (especially as I get older), let alone the MS. In fact I don’t think I’ve cum during sex in the last 3 years! I’m sure it’s psychological as I do cum when I masturbate.

With all the work problems, is it any wonder that I can’t cum during sex??

Lately I have used viagra and I can get an erection but I think I’ve lost some feeling down there.


(sorry for the long winded rant)


I would suggest a counsellor. You can talk to him/her about work problems, life, MS and sex. You will probably have to go privately, NHS only does CBT (Cognitive Behabious Therapy) & usually 6 sessions. I live near Watford and pay £30 for 50 minute sessions once a week. Its vital for me to have someone who I see once a week, no idea where she lives, if she’s married but that is great for me. Part of the success is the anonyminity

Progressive problems are a bitch. I have SPMS, sexual desire and ability went about 3 to 4 years ago and still trying to come to terms with it. Men need sex to get the endorphins going.My problems are drop-foot, bladder, balance, dignosed in 1995

I’m not going to try to give answers to your problems but I do think you need someone to talk to.

If you want, have a look at my website,

Good luck,


Cheers…I normally don’t admit to any problems (especially related to sex or bladder!!) but just talking about these issues in this way is helpful.


Hello Mike,

It seems easy not to admit to these problems, for heavens sake we are British.

Not admitting to the problems is living in denial. It works for a while but eventually you do need to talk to someone and admit that you have a problem. The result is that it is easier to talk about the issues when confronted with them

Just going to a counsellor works.l You can always take a look at my website,, it might help you and explain the pros and cons of all sorts of things.

Good luck


Hiya Anon,

Lots of women as well as men experience these problems. Its like something is happening then it disappears down a long black tunnel. Sometimes there can be sensation then other times nowt.

Seek medical advice,

The best thing to boost your endorphins - and give you back control of your bladder - is LDN - l have taken it for 5yrs and have been a different person since taking it. lts not a cure - but it does help you cope with lots of ms symptoms. And it has no side-effects. Also since taking it l have not progressed - in fact l feel better then l did years ago. ln 30yrs of SPMS - it is the best thing l have done.


Hello Campion,

LDN is strange stuff in as much as it works differntly for each person.

You are quite right it is not a cure. Me, LDN has made it easier to manage bladder issues and given me more energy but that is about as far as it has gone with me. My MS has progressed. It might have helped with one or two physical issues but mentally it has not helped me at all.