ok i have a serious problem with my brother and my ms, he has decided that im lying and making everything up altho mum has bin with me twice to see the neuro dr n had it confirmed in front of her twice that i have got ms n its rrms, he doesnt believe her either…so its either total denial on his part coz he cant face the fact his big sister has ms, or hes just a stubborn as@ and doesnt want anyone asking him for help with mum n dad who i look after wen i start struggling…so i come up with a way to tackle the possible denial factor, i have a confirmation letter from my neuro dr and i have alot of ms info from the ms society, so i was thinkin of just havin a word with him and saying incase he wants to properly know the right info bout ms then i have info for him to take home n look at so he has a better pic of wat it is n stuff, or do i leave him alone? so far he wants nothing to do with me and wont listen to anything anyone says about me. i need help on how to handle this.
Hi Murphy What a difficult one for you. You have the MS monster to deal with and an unsupportive brother. I think that you are right and he is in denial. Can’t face the fact that his sister has MS and doesn’t know what to do. Can you explain to him what you need from him. Men sometimes like to feel useful. That you are still his sister who loves him. Has your mum talked to him about it and what does he say? Sorry just re read your post which says he’s in denial with her too. Men can sometimes be difficult with communication and expressing feelings Or maybe as you suggest leave him alone and let it sink in with him. Then maybe he will come to you I really don’t know what the answer is. Hope it sorts itself out Hugs Min xx
as far as hes concerned im lying full stop, he knows best, hes the type that wen he decides someone is lying then thats it he refuses to hear or see any proof tio show that hes wrong, i think im gona give him the info and proof, if he still says im a liar then thats it
Could you not make him feel like he’s being useful and ask him to go to your next medical appointment with you?
ive tried that in the past, i got the reply of im working, and besides you’ll get them to lie for you…how the hell do i get a neurologist or a neuropysiologist to lie for me?
Dont waste your time even trying to explain, theres no excuse for the way hes being,he doesnt. sound a nice person at all,my siblings are the same,i learnt years ago,that they just didnt want to know,so i never mention my ms to them,when they ask if i am ok, i just say yes thanks,and leave it at that,its not nice when you dont have any support,but it does make you stronger,it did me.
J x
Sounds familiar. I am the oldest with 2 sisters and 1 brother. Since dx 3 yrs ago my sisters m and d have not even called me once between them. My little bruv and his wife have been absolute rocks. My wife is fuming as is all her family that my family could turn like that. Its like we’ve committed some vile and disgusting crime. I just can’t understand it…
Steve x
Im sorry OBM, don’t mean to hijack your thread, but your brothers reaction is not uncommon amongst family it seems. That doesn’t justify it and I wonder if there are any professional opinions out there?
Steve x
nah hun u hijack it all u want, if u have a question then ask away in here, that goes for anyone aswell, if anyone has a question then ask away
some days i cry wondering why i got ms coz its doin so much damage, not just to me but with my relationship with my brother, but then theres other days where i just think stuff him, ive done everything in my power to make it all better for him, give him proof, give him proper medical evidennce and proper information from here, so what else can i do more to help him, then i think why am i going out my way stressing my self stupid when ive done nothing wrong and i cant do anything about it, i know my brother is how he is and altho hes being a di@k i wudnt change him, im just maybe selfishly looking for a little understanding and time to prove myself
Well if this selfish brother cant or refuses to see whats staring him in the face, then theres not much else you can do.
Leave the info around and then if he still refuses to talk about it, then blow him.
If your mum and dad need his help, then they should ask him themselves.
It`s hard enough living with MS without all this extra worry.
luv Pollx
Are you on dmd’s? If so, show him them. If not, take him to a dr appt with you. Failibg all that, i would tell him where to go. How dare he accuse you of lying? My partner of 13 yrs and 2 children doubted how ill i am, and showed me no support. She even accused me of faking being unable to walk when she wanted us to go out. I left her. You do not need people like this in your life when you have bigger things to cope with
Are you on dmd’s? If so, show him them. If not, take him to a dr appt with you. Failibg all that, i would tell him where to go. How dare he accuse you of lying? My partner of 13 yrs and 2 children doubted how ill i am, and showed me no support. She even accused me of faking being unable to walk when she wanted us to go out. I left her. You do not need people like this in your life when you have bigger things to cope with
Hi ObM
If you brother has reached the stage where he thinks you’ve been able to get medical professionals to lie for you about your condition, then it’s gone past denial and is well on it’s way to lunacy! I really don’t see what else you can do other than to let him get on with it. Easy for us to say I suppose when it’s not our feelings that are affected but I really don’t see what else you can do. Horribly selfish behaviour. I hope things get better for you.
JZ
thanks alot everyone, i think im gona stop stressing about it now, hes going to be the one missing out, not me, atleast ill be able to see my nieces n nephew wen he goes there for xmas n bdays, ill just make sure im at mum n dads when hes there so i can see them, ive done nothing wrong, i didnt ask for ms, i cant get rid of it n ive come to terms with that, ive finally realised my limitations with things and is learning to work round things n not let them rule my life, maybe in time he’ll change his view, im the mean time ill give information and proof and leave it at that, ill leave the door open for him coz you never know in the future he may change his attitude, ill have patience, im not kickin the bucket or goin any where soon, i plan to grow old disgracefully and have fun lol
Well - how awful for many of you - with unsupportive families. l think in the case with your brother - l would tell him he is quite likely to get ms himself!! There are many on here - whose brothers/sisters/parents also have MS. Yes, frighten the bejazus out of him.
Have you tried the bucket of cold water therapy - your brother obviously needs it?
Spacejacket, why should the brother be told he could get ms? It is not hereditary and it can affect anyone. No need to say anything of the sort. Some people are just unlucky, and any one of could become ill with one disease or another
if i tried the cold water bucket therapy im likely to drown the bugger lol lol
If I was you I would just leave your brother to it. When you do need help with your parents then make sure your he does his share whether he likes it or not.
If he chooses not to believe you then what’s the point of adding to your stress levels trying to convince him. Who knows if you take a step back it just might give him that bit of space to think…lets face it, were talking about a man after all Lol
Good luck, Noreen