Hi guys, sorry but I really need some advice and guidance. Before my MS and before my MS diagnosis I was never someone who would lie etc, since it I have done nothing but lie etc to family and those who I love dearly (including my partner). They have said that I have been very good at lying. Here’s the thing as well, before I was never good at lying at all, I mean ever. Could my MS be causing behaviour changes in me and it be the cause of my lying etc? If so, is there treatment? How do I fix this in me so I don’t hurt those I love anymore. Thanks if you can help.
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Hang on, I think we need to define terms here. What I mean is: consciously or unconsciously protecting people from painful realities is not lying. The self-delusion that keeps us unrealistically optimistic about the future with MS and therefore sane is not lying - it’s absolutely bloody essential to avoid despair. It’s not lying, it’s coping. All sorts of other behavioural things are coping too, or learning to cope. And it all hard. I think maybe your nearest and dearest need to get off your back.
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Thank you for replying. My partner is wanting to walk away now as they can’t deal with my having lied anymore. I don’t actually know how to say to them that this is more than likely my MS and I have been in touch with my MS nurse and they are talking about putting me on some meds for memory and cognitive impairment. I don’t know whether to tell them or just let them walkaway. I don’t want them weighed down with this anymore.
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I am very sorry to hear that your partner is struggling to give you the support that you need, which is what this sounds like.
Of course your partner might be struggling too, and I hope that with time and kindness and patience, you can find a way to work this out and deal with things together. A partner who is steady and true is a great blessing.
The hard truth is, however, that some people find that a partner’s MS dx, and the prospect of living with MS long-term, is more than they are prepared to deal with. If someone is looking for an excuse to leave, it can then be very easy to blame the person with the life-changing condition - I’m afraid it’s human nature. No one wants to see themselves as a faithless heel after all, do they? I hope that isn’t what your partner is doing here, but it does happen, I’m afraid.
Please remember and keep telling yourself: none of this is your fault.
I really appreciate your thoughts and help with this. I have to look after myself at the end of the day and you’re right some people do use it as an excuse. Human nature at its best. I think they’re struggling with my lying and they can’t trust me anymore so I’m even sure what benefit telling them would have. Thank you for your help though.
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Good that you have spoken with your MS Nurse. I know that MS can change behaviour but I’ve heard only of emotional behaviour- getting impatient, angry, depressed , weepy etc. This is pure speculation but is it possible that you would benefit from some counselling, is it possible that frustration and anger at having MS is just making you want to shut others out - and lies help to do this ( or help express your anger?)
Try counselling?
If you know you are lying then can you make a record of each lie and talk to your partner?
Thank you for replying. I’ve already an appointment set up with a counsellor who deals with MS specific things which should help me a lot. My MS nurse has suggested CBT which I will be specking to the counsellor about. The thing is I don’t even know when I’m lying a lot of the time. There are times that I do get frustrated and angry and want to scream at the world. My memory has started going completely which is scaring me.