Scared. Very scared.

Hi everyone. I’m Sammi and I’m 36. Married with 2 boys aged 10 and 12. When I was 15 I was diagnosed has having fibrosis which is now known as fibromyalgia. I worked in a job I loved until I was 22 and just couldn’t cope with the pain and fatigue any more. Gradually things have become worse and now I am stuck in the house. I had to move my bed downstairs due to me falling so much and this way at least I can attempt to interact with my boys when I’m unable to leave my bed. Over the last 6 months I have become much worse. Very unsteady, burning all over, numbness in right hand with itchy tingling that drives me insane. Numbness spreading up my arm. Legs feel weird. Agonising pain. Headaches so bad I want to take my eyes out and rub them better. Constipated so bad that without dynamite (sodium picosulfate) I am unable to go at all. Bladder so weak that when I need to go I have to go there and then. Leaking wee. Memory loss so bad that I’ve stopped having conversations as I feel stupid. When I do speak I feel like I’m having to search my brain for the words to come out. There is lots more that I just thought of but it’s now gone from my head. Oh, my feet hurt all the time. Feel like I’m walking on cobblestones. My left eye feel lazy and I keep having blurry spots, it’s like I need to clean my glasses… I’m scared because I looked after a lady with MS in my work and I saw her life disintegrate. I thought my husband was amazing and he is such a help… Until last week he said I was a hypochondriac. I know I moan about how I’m feeling A LOT but I have nothing else to talk about really. I only leave the house for doctors appointments. (Twitching and jumping body parts are another thing. Thought I’d better write it while I remember) I am absolutely heartbroken that my husband said that. I’ve been told I’m faking an lazy and lots of other things and my husband was the first person that really understood and I thought he believed me. I’m seeing a neurologist on Friday, but if my own husband can’t believe me who can? I’m sat here sobbing and just don’t know where to turn.

Oh luv, this is just too horrible, I know. I also had trouble convincing my husband my problems were real and not imagined.

Afterall, who wants to fall and hurt themself for attention? Mums are too busy to be ill and often they are taken for granted and never allowed to be ill!

I`m sorry it was your husband, who you relied on and trusted most, has hurt you like this.

Will h be going to the neuro appointment on Friday, with you? I hope so, then he can see you are genuinlly ill.

Do let us know how it goes, yeh?

luv Pollx