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Pushing him away

I am currently being tested for MS and the whole process is taking its toll on my mental health. I posted on here a few weeks ago as I was an emotional wreck and things seem to have gone from bad to worse. I seem to have sunk into a state of depression which is stupid when I dont even have a diagnosis. And now I think my brain has got so tired of stressing about the possiblity of Ms that I have found something completely irrational to focus on. I now push my partner away and have convinced myself that there is something wrong with our relationship when really in my heart I know that he is the one person I need right now. Until this we had such a perfect life together and my god damn mental health is spoiling it. Has anyone else experienced this??? Is it normal to push him away? I just want my life back

When i was going through the diagnosis process i got very depressed and was really ill at the time also. It was the worst time in my life.

If you haven’t done so already - see your gp to get some help with this. The depression can take over everything if you let it. I found the depression at the time was far worse than the ms.

Everyone deals with the diagnostic process differently so don’t worry. I remember going to my first appointment at the ms clinic and i was sobbing in the waiting room. I had recently had a baby and with the diagnosis as well it was just overload!

Don’t be scared to get anti-depressants to help you through. I did for a very short time just to get me level again. I have heard CBT can be really good but have no experience of this myself.

All the feelings you are having are normal at this time and try to be open with your partner and make sure you keep talking to eachother. Lack of communication can cause problems. Don’t shut him out. My diagnosis was over 7 yrs ago now and been with hubby 25 years. You will get through this difficult time - You have alot to cope with at the moment but your partner has his own worries about you as well. You need to face this together.

Best wishes

Teresa. x

Hi Pink Lady…I have things in common with you…

…been off work since March very ill and immobile with transverse Myelitis and had what I think may have been a relapse recently.

I am a strong person but it is a horrendously difficult time. Not only do you feel ill, the battery of freaky sensations bombard your body at all times of the day and night. Then there is the fatigue that descends like a stealthy fog enveloping you so you can barely think.

My partner manages to take me to appointments but other than that has been at a very demanding role while I’ve been ill and it can get a bit distressing watching everyone elses life around you continuing whilst yours (because as well as being in a relationship we need to function as an individual) remains on hold.

All I can say is that I’m taking evrything I can to control the pain, so I’m no rattier than I can help and we plan things that we can do together when he is off work. He got me a scooter so I don’t get too tired when we go out, it was relly reasonable second hand and its a godsend.

At times I have been so low and irrational…crying and losing my temper for no apparent reason that I then despair that I must drive him nuts. He patiently says that he thinks I’ve coped really well, but being ill and taking medication (and don’t forget the hormones to boot) will take their toll and I go and have a sleep and usually wake up feeling a lot more positive.So in a way I think it is normal to push our partners away. Its kind of difficult to believe that anyone else can like let alone love you when you are in a place of despair with yourself.

Finally my GP asks how I’m feeling every time I see her, and I haven’t had more than 20mg Amitryptyline a night plus Gabapentin, but I wouldn’t hesitate to take anti depressants if she recommended it.

I’ve gone through a lot of really challenging episodes in my life, but nothing that has brought me to my knees like this.

I hope that you might feel able to talk about how you feel with your GP?

Thinking about you Gillian

Thank you both for your replies.It is comforting to know that what I am feeling is a completely normal response. My partner has really been amazing in all of this too and I sometimes forget that this is affecting him as well.

Teresa it is lovely to hear that you came through your depression. I have just got back from my GP who has recomended anti-depressants for a while. This is a bit daunting to me as I am only 23 and feeling so low and uninterested in my life is so unusual for me. But what helps, helps.

Gillian I’m sorry to hear that you are in a alot of pain. I completely sympathise with the fatique, I cant even go out with my friends for a drink anymore because I have no energy.

I know that I will get through this and how lucky I am to have so much support from my family and partner. How he is living with me I dont know! :slight_smile:

Thank you both for your replies.It is comforting to know that what I am feeling is a completely normal response. My partner has really been amazing in all of this too and I sometimes forget that this is affecting him as well.

Teresa it is lovely to hear that you came through your depression. I have just got back from my GP who has recomended anti-depressants for a while. This is a bit daunting to me as I am only 23 and feeling so low and uninterested in my life is so unusual for me. But what helps, helps.

Gillian I’m sorry to hear that you are in a alot of pain. I completely sympathise with the fatique, I cant even go out with my friends for a drink anymore because I have no energy.

I know that I will get through this and how lucky I am to have so much support from my family and partner. How he is living with me I dont know! :slight_smile:

I am so glad you have got some help - so well done you!

You are already doing better than me as i was too scared to come on this site to read what might be in store for me - i buried my head in the sand and hoped it would all go away!! At one point i didn’t even know what day of the week it was! I would say my diagnosis was a bit like being hit by a ten ton truck!! I do wish i had come here sooner though as its a great place for advice/support from people who understand.

Once you get sorted there is medication for bad fatigue (if it is ms) and other probs. They might make you feel a bit better.

Btw - i have not needed the anti=depressants again since diagnosis but there are lots of people on here who do need them. Its nothing to be ashamed of - does not matter in the slightest what your age is.

Good luck

Teresa.x

You are 23!!! Go out with your partner, have fun and don’t let this be your life, it’s just part of it. MS doesn’t make you or define you x x