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People making assumptions

I frequently experience people making incorrect assumptions and negativity about my abilities, my knowledge, and other factors. These are from people who are aware I have MS.

It’s getting rather tiring and I have to spell things out in detail to correct them. Then they don’t seem to listen.

Do you get this too?

assume = to make an ‘assout of ‘u’ and ‘me’.

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Yes the o it will just b a virus or I had that type

I take my stick(s) everywhere, even if I am ok for a short while and don’t need them, mainly because I look ok and without them, people wonder why I get stuck in shop doors or hovering over a step. For me, the sticks help other people recognise that I have some limitations. Before sticks, I just used to get funny or nasty looks.

This raises a very public vs private issue: the ‘personal is political’ etc.,.

It became fashionable in the 80s-90s to ‘raise awareness’ of illnesses,

mainly to aid fundraising for NGOs and drug companies.

Is it better not to tell people you have MS?

Why can’t people mind their own business?

Folk used to think - “My health is a matter for me, and my doctor.”

PRIVATE.

Fay

Yeh, it`s another bugbear for us!

pollsx

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All the time, unfortunately.

Jo x

I’m not sure if it’s a fortunate or an unfortunate thing, but my beloved OH, Mr Sssue, tells everyone everything about me. So everyone at the gym he goes to, all our neighbours, friends, staff at his mother’s care home, the butcher (baker, candlestick maker, if we had them), in fact everyone knows, that I have MS, that I’m a wheelchair user, that I’ve got an SPC and most recently, that I have a colostomy. I sort of think it’s quite a nice thing, he talks about me all the time, to everyone. And having lost all inhibitions, I’m not bothered who knows whatever.

Sue

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hiya

you only control yourself-not anyone else!

as for them making assumptions-how about-hey thanks for talking about me-i didnt realise that i was so important that u have no other subjects to discuss.

life is a game-we all play them! just make sure that you are playing on your terms!

ellie

I meant unfortunately, in that the assumptions they make about me are wrong.

Unfortunately, my hubby does the ‘virtue signalling’ to everyone on my MS symptoms, and how he helps me.

I find it annoying - I’m a very private - independently-minded person.

It’s all very patronising.

Fay

A work colleague of mine told me when our boss bought in her baby “I’d rather you didn’t hold the baby in case you drop her”

It broke my heart !! So ignorant and condescending I was so shocked I just handed the baby back in hindsight I should have probably shown her just how accurate my arms could be and land the perfect punch …

Ahem … any who I also get told every time I feel unwell “I don’t think you should drive” “can you drive what if your leg goes?” In the end I now snap back with the DVLA and my neuro know I drive and are happy for me to do so so it’s none of your business !!

Yes it’s very annoying x

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My family were a bit like that. They didn’t say anything but were petrified and phoned about twenty times when they left my grandchild here just for two hours. Then they started coming back early as I hadn’t answered my phone. Course I hadn’t answered the phone, I was looking after a child!!!

Anyway, after months of this I said in my quiet way, ‘You either trust me with someone I love very much who is part of me or you p— off and leave me alone. I am quite capable of phoning you or texting if I am in trouble and it seems that your toddler is gifted with a great deal of intelligence and realises that I am very slow and shaky. If she can accept it, why can’t you?’

Two days later they turned up with a big bag of nappies etc and went out for the day. No phone calls.

We can’t let the small things affect us. Flutterby, if it happens again, let them know you want a cuddle and for them to help you sit down first. I’m sure they felt dodgy about saying it and would have preferred not to. New parents, even in their own family, turn into over-protective beings as everything in their body cries out to be careful 24 hours a day. I held a small one upstairs in a house a few weeks ago, we all needed to go downstairs so I told them we were ok, got on my bum with babe in arms and bumped down step by step holding them all up as we went down. Inside a little giggle was bubbling inside as they had to go as slow as I do.

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Where do I start?

A whole family of ex in-laws gave me nothing but “care”.

Well their version of it. In terms of knowledge, intellect, opinions or any form of contribution and value as a human being I didn’t exist.

Thirty odd years of hard graft at the chalk face of the classroom counted for nothing.

Crawling up from the educational scrap heap to work and fund my degree didn’t have any bearing.

Then out and about when I could walk:

“Are you drunk?” “Oh that old chestnut,” I’d reply.

More recently, I stopped going to my art class because the others would fight to push me in my chair. They’d watch me like hawks and then pounce. I was quite able to proceed with some effort and that’s what I liked to do.

At least I have the physio centre up the road. We exercise and chat. The lovely Sheila makes us tea. We’re all there to improve ourselves. No wrong assumptions.

Steve

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Thanks for the responses, interesting. xx

Totally with you re. the chair! My sis is the only one who is capable of pushing it and getting in the right position ie…,not facing a wall!, My mother thinks she’s helping when she actually stresses me out, she is a useless driver of anything, car, bike, dodgem, boat. she knocked her neighbours fence down the first day they moved in!..still makes me laugh that one.