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Partners and alcohol

Does anyone out there have experience of their partner having an alchol problem and what did they do about it please?

Hiya,

Yes - my husband was an alcoholic, he drank himself to death 2 years ago. There is nothing you can do about it, change has to come from them. My husband did not want to change - he spent 2 years (after his liver failed and he couldn’t hide it from me any more) telling me that he was stopping drinking, seeking help and looking for a job. He was doing nothing of the sort. Every day I looked for jobs for him to apply for and I researched the help available. He left me in a terrible financial state, he left his son (14 years old at the time) without a father, or even memories to respect (he became a completely selfish arhe). Make sure that you are financially catered for in case the worst happens - my husband wasn’t insured (“what do I need insurance for? I’ll be dead”). I know it’s difficult, but you need to be thinking about you just now, unless your partner addresses the problem themselves, they are a lost cause and there is absolutely nothing you can do. I know that sounds harsh, but I’ve been through the worst case scenario, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

Good luck

Luisa x

Something else occurred to me - I don’t know if this is happening to you as well - my husband used to blame his drinking on anything but himself, usually me, my MS, and the fact that I was taking less of his crap than I did at first. Whatever your partner says, their drinking is not your fault - nobody forces an alcoholic to drink apart from themselves. Do not take the blame for your partner’s drinking. Also, if there is violence of any sort, get out and get out now. I am lucky that he never raised a hand to me - he would only ever have done that to me once, if he had, he would have found himself alone with broken fingers.

Luisa x

I went through the same for 10yrs, finally I plucked up the courage to take my son and leave him. It was the best thing I ever did, all the promises over the years to stop drinking never happened and he became unbearable to live with him. You have to make your own mind up, it isn’t easy but you must think of yourself. Good luck and keep strong Karen

I told him I was leaving with the kids if he was going to carry on like this, and I was ready and willing to follow through with it. It was hard, and a gamble, but it worked. He stopped drinking for six months, then started having the odd social drink. He drinks much more sensibly now and our lives are so much better for it.

I have gone through similar. I left my husband in NZ through his drinking I came back to UK with nothing just one bag, then I was diagnosed with ppms. I don’t know how I got through it but I did,and it was the best thing I ever did. I only wish I had done it years ago. He went on to marry another alcoholic over in NZ. Takes one to know one.

mm

Hi,

I’m sorry I have no experience of this but reading the replies you have had really touched me. Some of the things people go through is quite incredible. It’s so heartwarming to hear how strong people can be to deal with or get themselves out of these situations/relationships. Stay strong.

Char

xxx

hi,

i’m another person who left an alcoholic husband, i’m so glad i did too, my only regret is not having done it much earlier. having to deal with MS and an alcoholic is just way too hard, and it was bad enough before MS. within a short time of leaving, my symptoms either decreased or became much easier to deal with, it’s amazing what reducing stress levels does for this condition. i know how difficult it is to be around an alcoholic and what kind of endlessly broken promises you undoubtably have to struggle through, i also know how hard it is to seek change or even help and not get anywhere, i was there for over 20 years and i look back now and can’t understand why it took me so long to leave. perhaps you could try contacting ‘al-anon’ for some support and PLEASE feel free to contact me, even if you just need an ‘ear’ or a ‘shoulder’. i really do wish you luck, i know at least some of what you’re dealing with right now. as do lots of others.

take care,

wendy xx

[quote=“2blackcats”] within a short time of leaving, my symptoms either decreased or became much easier to deal with, it’s amazing what reducing stress levels does for this condition.

[/quote]

I must agree with Wendy - after my husband died, I expected the MS to hit me like a sack of bricks coming at speed, but the relief was tremendous, I hadn’t realised how much stress I had been under. I knew what I was coming home to, I wasn’t always on edge, looking for hidden bottles (never very well hidden) or other signs of his drinking, I could make decisions about what was going to happen in the house, and things would get done, I wasn’t relying on the promises of a drunk to get housework done, dogs walked, food made, etc. My friends all commented on how much more relaxed I was. I miss my husband terribly, but I miss the man he was, not the drunk he became.

Luisa x

got the tshirt and wrote the book, my hubby blamed everyone but himself, it was my illness, being made redundant anything and everything, he had councilling etc, he has now started his own business which is what he always wanted to do, last week I caught hit of sons bedroom, we now rarely have any alcohol in the house, its the first time in months hes drank, he was given short shift, I cant and never will forgive him, hes done untold damage to our family

if you want to help him 1sst stop gp theres pill that can be given, then councilling not just for him, you need help as well, get yourself a social worker they can help you, if youve got kids a child social worker is a must, financially make sure you re going to be ok, pm me if you need help, but the best advise I can give, you is your worth more than him, look after your self and put yourself 1st if he want help he ll take it if he doesnt leave him,like Ive said my hubby has had one slip up lately,which he want repeat,ps last year i made him give my 1/2 of all our savings which Ive still got, I also went to a solicitor, I could have made him leave , in the end he d have ended up with nothing

My husband has SPMS and is alcohol dependent. He says he needs it to relax. Is in complete denial. Drinks at least 2 prs of cider and 1 or 2 glasses of wine must days. That coupled with 3 types of antidepressants and high dose of Gabapentin pretty much renders him beyond having a conversation and stumbling around the house. This in my opinion us a dangerous level if drinking especially given his mobility problems. Once he’s had his alcohol of an evening goes to bed and sleeps for a couple of hours then is visiting the bathroom 4 to 6 times during the night. He does self catheterization during the day and if done properly before bed should be able to ho through the night. Starts to think or mention to me needs to get supplies in,from lunchtime. This to me is what an alcoholic looks like- but I’ve little experience si I’m open to discussion.

really sad situation - alcohol can be used as a crutch but when it interferes with your daily life its too bad - i would seek help as alcohol is ok in moderation but this isn’t in moderation - all the best

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Is very difficult to convince someone who sees this as perfectly normal behaviour that there is a problem. Have tried to talk to GP when having appointments for UTI symptoms, and GP advised that in moderation, but to give it a rest until symptoms are clear. This has just been received as fine to continue! V frustrating as feeks like GP is endorsing drinking as he lies about the amount.

Alcohol asks exacerbates the memory issues for him - convenient. As anyone reading this will surely realise, I’m about at the end of my tether and unsure of our future. This is after nearly 48 years of marriage so very sad.