I met my childhood sweetheart a few months back at a re-union and we’ve been inseperable ever since. I was shocked to discover he has MS, was diagnosed three years ago. He is still the same guy he was when we dated in our teens nearly 30 years ago, intelligent, funny, gorgeous and sexy! I don’t even see the illness. I just look in his gorgeous green eyes and go all weak at the knees!
I’m the first person he has dated post diagnosis, I think he was beginning to think he would be on his own for the rest of his life, his self esteem was shot to pieces, he’s put on a lot of weight, walks with a stick and his speech has been affected. I adore the man…but…(there has to be a but doesn’t there?) we are both adjusting. I am coming to terms with the fact that the love of my life, the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, has this terrible illness to deal with. We are both adjusting to dating at his pace, it has to be at his pace, in every area. Is there anyone else out there in the same boat? It’s hard to see the man I love struggling, he has his down days. I feel I have to be strong, but then where do I go when I need support? Does anyone know if there is any support out there I can access for myself?
Thanks for reading look forward to hearing from you and getting to know some of you better (hopefully)
Hi, I was touched by your post. you sound like a lovely, warm-hearted person…why wouldn`t anyone benefit from knowing you!
I think you and your fella are so lucky to have found each other again and have this second chance at happiness.
The board you have posted does just what is says on the tin! Support for each carer.
I am a caree and have a wonderful hubby of almost 40 years, who cares for me in a loving way…but it can prove to be very difficult at times.
I wish you both a long and happy relationship…will new hats have to be bought? LOL!
Hang fire on the new hats for now, we’re just enjoying getting to know each other again. Also I have three teenage children, he has got used to living on his own and has his routines, needs peace and quiet when he’s having what he calls a ‘puff day’ so there’s a long way to go yet in terms of working out what shape the future will look like. I do know I love him and he does me. We’ve just booked a weeks holiday together (without the kids who are going to be looked after by my wonderful parents) so we will see if we can survive a week in each others company first!
Thanks for your reply. I’m glad I found this place and I’m looking forward to making some new friends with people in the same boat. I’d also like to get involved with the fundraising side of things I can see lots of opportunities for getting involved and feeling as though I’m doing something pro-active and positive so I’m feeling better already. Although I know it’s going to be a long road and tough at times I think you have to try and focus on the positives. My man is a very positive person and determined not to be beaten. I admire him so much for the way he copes
yes, I agree with the previous reply and no ones life is perfect, you have to make the best of it. My husband has had ms for 25 years and he’s still only 43. We’ve been together for 15 years and it is hard. But together you can make it work. Good luck!!
i was looking around for a support group for carers and came across this post.
Im 23 and my partner is 24 and we have two young children.
i have a loving partner who got told he has MS in jan of this year, but it had been a very long road after he was ill for most of last year.
we have had our ups and down (more down than ups when he is unwell) and it is very hard for me as i try and talk to my family but they just dont understand,
so what i guess im trying to say is im looking to find people who are going through the same thing as me and to be able to talk to please
stblueriver 1577 - send me a private message if you want. My hubby has ms and we have a child. I may be able to help. If not, talking and sharing often helps to make you feel a bit better - Julie
Not been on for a while and encouraged by all your messages. People not in a relationship with someone don’t get it. I really feel, even though it’s early days for me, that I need support as well as him so it would seem this is the place…In a weird kind of a way it feels disloyal coming on here to have a moan about how hard I’m finding it, I’m not the one having to live with the MS on a daily basis for heavens sake! I want to support and help him as much as I can but at the same time I’m very wary about slipping into the role of carer. I’m not ready for that yet and neither is he, he is still very positive and very independant. Even when I’m at his flat I make sure I let him do things for me like make me a cup of coffe or get me breakfast or make me a meal. It would be so much easier and quicker for me to do it but I feel it’s important for him to retain his independance as long as possible. When we go out we take it in turns to drive so the other can have a drink, just like we would if both of us was fit and well, it would be easier for me to drive every time but I think once he stops driving that will be another nail in the coffin…it makes life interesting anyway because he’ll say he’s taking me out to a certain place for lunch or a drink and then we’ll get lost because he can’t remember how to get there and we’ll end up somewhere completely different! Makes for an interesting life and we can always laugh about it. I think one of the best things about our relationship is that we laugh all the time, even about his illness. He makes fun of himself, he had a central heating engineer come to the house while I was there once and introduced me to him as “this is Mrs entwhistle, my carer” the guy was calling me Mrs Entwhistle for the rest of the visit, took him a cup of tea and he said ‘thanks Mrs Entwhistle’ we were in stitches. Makes it easier for us if we laugh and joke, we will arrive somewhere and I’ll get out of the car car and say 'come on, run!" or 'race you to the bar!" (my fella walks with a stick) the other day we arrived at Tesco and decided we were going to skip from the car to the supermarket. Well if you’ve ever seen a 45 yr old man with a sick holding a 43 yr old womans hand, both of them skipping…we were in stitches.
Hope you all have a great weekend whatever you do and manage to find lots of joy, despite your circumstances. If this illness has taught me anything it’s to live life to the full while you can and grab happiness with both hands. You just don’t know what’s round the corner.
Lots of love to you all and your families. Thanks for reaching out to someone who’s feeling a bit lost and overwhelmed at times.
a lovely post Kate, hope all goes well, Julie