Hi all, I have been on here quite frequently while going through the being tested road. I have now been told I have PRRMS. I have been feeling emotionally ok but I am struggling with other people’s responsive to the news. They all seem to have opinions which is hard. The only person who won’t talk to me about it is my husband. He is being really stressy and down, and argumentative, I love him very much but really don’t know how to deal with him to make things better. Any ideas on coping with ‘general people’. And sorting things with my hubby would be great. My ‘just keep smiling’ moto to life is being challenged to the ex stream.
Hi Sarah, as if we don’t have enough trouble in trying to sort out own feelings out, we have to worry about others’ too!
Your hubby is probably feeling a whole raft of emotions…anger, not understanding how the chuffin this happened, disbelief, and a degree of sadness too.
My hubby kept quiet and I wanted him to talk about my condition. I tried to gather information and show it to him. He wouldn’t read any of it. He said I was talking myself into it!
As for other people, if you get the feeling they aren’t supportive, then avoid discussion on the subject.
if it isn’t a big enough crock of crap being diagnosed, you also have the upset of it affecting your relationship.
your husband is probably, like most men, someone who wants to fix thing when they go wrong.
unfortunately i don’t think you should let him tinker with your central nervous system!
just understand where he’s coming from.
the other people you speak of, i presume they are friends and family, you may need to shout to get your point across.
my sister drove me nuts when i was diagnosed.
after 2 weeks of comforting her whilst she cried and wailed, one day i just said “this has got to stop”.
“it’s ME that it is happening to and i’m coping, so either stop crying every time you see me or i’ll pretend i’m not in!”
most people have an opinion on what ms is (!) and like to chip in with suggestions although their suggestions are rubbish.4
why not say that you are aiming to live a positive life with a positive mindset.
it would be lovely to have something to look forward to such as coffee with a friend.
just keep smiling! (i stole that from you)
Oh Polls, that sounds so familiar - the ignoring the reality except of course when he’s read about the myriad ‘cures’ out there and why don’t I try this or that. Utter garbage of course.
‘Talking myself in to it’ describes his mindset exactly.
And if I just did this or just lost some weight or just listened to him or just … ad infinitum. Won’t research or read any ‘real’ info that I get or point him in the direction of. I once suggested a support session for family members of a person dx with MS, my god you’d think I’d suggested he jump of Beachy Head. (hmmmm…)
Ah yes, managing others’ reactions. It’s a tough one. At best, worrying about how nearest and dearest are managing can be a welcome distraction from dealing with one’s own feelings. More often, it is just another difficult thing to deal with, as if you needed another one!
I think the only rule is that there are no rules. People’s reactions - including yours - will reflect their own selves, and there’s not much to be done about it. I think most of us know instinctively what we need to do to keep the show on the road at a given moment, and is what we do, as best we can. For some people, it will be facing the world with a calm, all-weather smile and keeping it all inside - for now, at least. Others will weep and rant, completely blank out the whole thing, get plastered, throw things, angrily look for someone to blame… etc.
The only thing I would suggest is this: it helps if everyone tries to cut everyone else a bit of slack and not take others’ reactions too personally if they can help it. Those early days are absolutely no fun whatsoever - for you or anyone close to you. But normal life reasserts itself (well, not proper ‘pre-MS normal’, obviously, but something surprisingly like it), and that can happen sooner than you might think.
In the meantime, hang on in there and be gentle with yourself. I am very sorry about your dx.