OK so i have ms… fair enough but my wonderful hubby is driving me nuts.
He works full time-ok
he hasn’t been too well (funnily enough ever since i got diagnosed he seems to get lots more illnesses.) -coincidence eh??
BUT he does naff all at home (have spoken to him countless times about helping out etc but he never actually does)
we have 2 kids (12 & 5) who are great
my daughter is soo helpful,she does shopping for me,washes up.hoovers etc but HE says she needs to do more!!! erm thats not how its supposed to work!
(he doesnt even bath the 5 year old or put him to bed) (i have asked him to lots but why should i ask he’s their dad and should just do it)
i feel like i’m in a relapse that won’t lift it’s not really bad but has been going on for quite a while and the last week has got worse, seriously exhausted, on modafinil and quite a few energy drinks to get through the day also speech is going slurry alot mor and cant get my words out. Said to my hubby i might go to the DR and ask for steroids he said that he doesn’t want me tking more pills and i HAVE to rest and that will sort me out"!!! “you need to come to terms with your illness and do something about it” "f you don’t start resting i will try to get you sectioned so you wont have a choice"his words. nice eh!!! OH he did say he would start doing the washing… once a week (don’t think he realises that i do about 9 loads per week if not more)
so who exactly is going to do everything round the house? Do the school run, shopping etc???
Oh Kate! I expect their are many women…and men I daresay…who identify only too well with you.
And how dare he say about getting you sectioned??? If he doesnt start taking you seriously, you may end up being sectioned…after you`ve knocked his block off!
Right, now that I`ve calmed down too, I talk sensibly!
From what you say, I take it you dont go out to work, yeh? When a man works and his wife/partner doesn`t, they get the very false impression that all you do is titivate your nails, hair, beaauty routines, go lunching with girl friends and very little else. They dont see what really goes on.
It would do him good if you went on a week`s respite, to see just how much does get done. He could take a week off work, to look after the kids. Where does he think his clean undies, shirts and socks get into his wardrobe/drawers?
First of all he shouldn’t have said that he would “try to get you sectioned”. It doesn’t work like that, I promise you. I worked in mental health for 12 years so I know. Can’t say more than that but I know, trust me.
If I were you I would go and have a chat with your GP.
I agree with what Poll says though. Perhaps if you got away for a week perhaps with the kids he might think differently while you are away.
i do think he lives in a bit of an ignornt life when it comes to the home!! He would take a week if he had to, but might only just about cope getting the kids sorted but nothing else!!! (we go away and he might hoover just before we get home) i can tell you how his day would go…he would sit on the sofa and think of hiw stressful it was getting the kids off to school and how tired he was, maybe have a nap,play the playstation then get Elliott from school, he would chuck chips and something in the oven if he doesn’t get our daughter to do it make her wash up and supervise elliott in the bath and then read him a story. Then he would go and sing elliott a song.
maybe if i’m still bad in a couple of weeks i will get my fab Dr to put me in hospital for a course of IV steroids
Oh Kate. I don’t know what else to suggest, apart from hiding the Playstation!! You must be really fed up!!!
Thinking about it a week in hospital might do you the world of good. Perhaps you need a course of steroids if you feel that bad eh? But then you will be worrying about the kids won’t you?
Oh my hiding the playstation would be the last thing icould do without him flipping out!!! Iam fed up but because i know i’m ill but don’t look it! And thats what he says to me,so i guess as i don’t look ill then im not… think he’s the one that really needs to come to terms with this illness and accept it!!!
even my lovely Dr a couple of weeks ago said IV steroids might be the way to go so i know he will make it happen if i want it!!! And it will be his suggestion that i go in of course…
I wont worry about the kids that much as i know Jordan though 12 is a really fab help!!!
I’m amazed at how well you’ve coped with so little support from your hubby
I hate to say it, but he sounds like a little boy who needs a grown-up to look after him, not an adult himself. I mean, if he’s still playing on a Playstation, it doesn’t sound like he’s matured at all.
I would say have a complete break (a rest will be most helpful) for a few days and let him look after the kids, but I’d be so worried that hubby wouldn’t be able to manage …and you could almost guarantee that the only people to suffer as a result would be the kids!!
For goodness sake, physically I’m in my late forties but I still have the mind of a twenty year-old (…a twenty year-old cabbage )
Is there anyone responsible who could look after the kids for a few days?
I don’t know if this would help, and it may take a bit of time to do, but it works for me! I created a “week in the life of me” manual, on the basis that, when the next relapse comes, I’d be able to pass it on to hubby or whoever of helping out, and everything would be covered. I went into massive details…starting with getting the kids up and dressed/breakfasted to their daily drop-off and pick-up times and various activities. It turned into a novel, and I deliberately stressed that my 12 hours per week “child free” time HAD to be used for housework, ironing, etc. BEFORE I could have “me time”!!! It’s amazing how much stuff was in there and how much time I spend being a taxi! What helps is that, even though I’m slower than I used to be at housework, hubby is even slower!!! So my timings would still be difficult for him to beat! Luckily my hubby is actually very helpful around the house and I can’t complain, but this is my back up!! X
Would it help to list all the chores and currently who does them and then list who SHOULD do them (allowing for school, work, age etc)? Maybe when he sees how much you and your daughter do compared to what he does, it might help. And maybe a reward / punishment scheme for when the chores are not carried out. You have the threat of taking away his playstation hours if he does not complete them.
Good luck - your rant was enough to make me glad I’m single!! Men - who needs them when a girls got batteries!!!
JellyBellyKelly
P.S. I meant spare batteries for the TV remote control. Really girls - what else could I possibly be referring to!
I think you have to, for want of a better word, force your husband into doing little jobs. Men don’t think the same as us about household jobs so he needs coerced into them. E.g. I load the washing machine at night and he puts his dirty clothes in in the morning and starts it. So, you have to ask your husband to start the washing machine, he’ll soon get into a routine. When washing is done, tell him his are beside the machine ready to be put away. When he doesn’t do it he won’t have clean clothes so he’ll have to do it sooner or later. Your job is done when the clothes are dry and folded, after that it’s over to him. Do yo make him a packed lunch for work, from now on tell him there is bread in the bread bin, ham in the fridge for his lunch and he can sort himself out from there. How do you do shopping. Have you considered doing online shopping. Things like that, just little jobs. Cheryl:-)
bumping this post as stenovski has started a new thread with regards to insulting replies!!!
I feel his reply above is incredibly insensitive and unsympathetic!!!
yes he genuinely is ill at the moment!!! BUT for the 3 months after i got diagnosed you really think he was ill that whole time??? NOPE!!! he had the odd cold, felt exhausted alot but is that any excuse to do naff all???
I was just saying he got alot more of them after i was diagnosed up till then hadn’y had as many colds or exhaustion!!!