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need some support

Things r really bad at home im at the playpark with tmy son and my daughter has taken her friend home, which is where the problem started My husband got right in my face shouting about family dinner we r supposed to do and why should we have to wait for jordan to get back from taking her friens home I said she would oonly need a snack as we had a huge breakfast at the local ms societies big breakfasy they do. He shouted oin my face to stop arguing so I stepped back (bad idea) he got I my fac even mre telling me to not do that agar n I must of said something as he said if i carry on hes gonna smack me Of course my jaw hit the floor and I just stared at him He told me I really need to stRt being a better parent Then said im totally useless now I walked off with him saying aboout m attitude and maybe he should just leave BUT he wasnt gonna pay csa. I stayed silent And here I am now at the playpark writing this Im starting to think maybe hes having a breakdown or have I really got that bad??? I do think hes mad at me because he had a vasectomy tuesday and now cant have more kids… it was his choice to have it done.I said I would but he was adamant it was easier andd fairer if he did. Dont really know wat to do… Kate x x

Oh Kate

I didn’t realise it was as serious as this when you posted the other day.

Have you got a friend or famiily member you could call and stay for a few hours? I almost feel like suggesting that you call the police if you are as scared as you sound. He threatened to “smack” you afterall so you need to do something.

Would it be a hormone thing if he had a vasectomy on Tuesday. I’m not sure if that is an excuse mind. I really hope you get help soon!!

Shazzie xx

Thanks Shazzie To be honest im not scared just shocked by this outburst! !! And at a loss as to wat to do. Im hoping he has thought about it whilst we hav be en out. Gonna go home and just carry on as normal at the end of the day he is the one that seems to have issues. Im gonnja sort the kids dinner out and get the youngest to bed Tomorrow is a new day. Kate x x

To be honest I reckon that is the best thing to do. As long as he is not scaring you!!

Remember we are always here for you if you need to talk.

Go careful!!

Shazzie xx

Oh hun - it sounds like you have three children instead of two. You have to ask yourself if it was a frustrated blowup or is this something that is a taste of things to come. And where does he get off telling you to be a better parent considering your last post. You might need to have a heart to heart with him hun & tell you just how it all made to feel - probably quite scared. Also consider whether honestly you would be better off without him to look after too!! Hopefully Kate when you get home, he will realise he was out of order. Please take care of yourself xx Kelly

I was sad to read about your problems Kate, and it must have be a shock to have been spoken to like that. Like many domestics arguments the real underlying problems, are often masked by hurtful things said on the spur of the moment. I hope you are able to stay safe and you and your husband are able to address your issues, maybe with the help of an intermediary. Where possible we all need to put our energies and resources on what really matters. and let the less important day to day stuff slip a bit. All the best, Peter

Hi, Ive not been on here for some time but felt I had to add a comment to your post.

It sounds to me like you both need an honest face to face discussion about where your relationship is going and how important it is for you both to be good parents to your children and when your not feeling very well how he will have to take up the slack.

Some men get very angry when illness comes in the way of a previously happy relationship as the dynamics change meaning he will have to pull his weight more. You had dreams which may have had to change and therefore his dreams will also have changed. Hes feeling very hurt as you are right now.

Only talking and maybe counselling can do the trick, but you both need to be very honest and calm when discussing things otherwise things may take off in a direction neither of you want.

Make sure you have somewhere to escape to if things get really bad but I really hope it doesnt reach such a conclusion.

Best wishes

bren

x

Sorry Kate,

But after your post recently, this just seems to be a further example of your hubby’s inability to deal with things

Sounds very much like you have another child to cope with. Maybe confiscating his Playstation until he apologises is quite justified ?

Dom

Hi Guys

Thanks for all your messages,

Petrer; It was a shock as he’s not normally like that…yes we have had the odd spat but not that bad. Have known him 20 years so have too much history t just chuck it away so i’m sure all will work out fine!!! It was just a shock!!

Bren; Thank you, I think alot of it is that he doesn’w want to accept this illness and that it’s for life and that things at home have to change, which means him helping out more especially at the moment as im not good. But he’s doing evn less than normal, think he’s got his head in the sand and doesn’t want to face facts! Havetried many times to discuss things but it always seems to go over his head and he doesn’t take much notice! Just need to give him some time and not rise to anything

Dom; It really does show that doesn’t it!!! I actually can’t be bothered to take it away, he hasn’t played on it since friday which is good… but then footies been on and he’s been catching up on sleep again. Just gonna carry on as normal and see if yesterdays blow up has made him step back and think about how he’s being!!!

Kelly; 3 children indeed!!! he’s very quiet today and not really speaking to me sooo maybe he’s a bit embarrassed /contrite about yesterday!!!

Take Care all

hugs

Kate x x x

What - you mean a bloke is ignoring something that either scares him or he’s embarrassed about - probably both. Wow, I’ve never heard of that before!!! (present company excluded guys, for this comment you can think of yourselves as honourary women)

And if you are feeling extra sleepy today hun just remember the post that mentioned a link between sleep and the production of cells that produce myelin for your brain. A lazy day may be just what you need. You can go back to your strong woman personna tomorrow.

Take care Kate - lots of hugs for you.

JBK x

He’ not a typical bloke though I guess and has said he cant take back wat he said but it wS out of order. He doesn’t know if the pain hes in made him soo spiteful but thats no excuse it was still out of order!!! His words so at least we can start moving forward again Kate x x

I am really pleased for you both Kate and for the kids too. Glad you found comfort from some of us who have been PMing you.

Shazzie xx

Oh Kate, that sounds so scary for you. I would be devastated if my husband did that. You have an awful lot to deal with and your husband not facing your diagnosis or the changes to both your lives is not something you need. I can only guess that he is very scared which does not justify his behaviour but if he apologises and has a mature and frank discussion with you now you may be able to move forward. If he keeps his head in the sand and just continues to do his own thing and not up his game then you have to maybe accept he is just not ready to deal with things and you have to get help in another way. Maybe try and get some help at home through Social Services. Has your husband talked to anyone about how he is feeling or is that just too girly for him? When my daughter was diagnosed my husband found it very hard to deal with, I spoke with her MS nurse, accessed this site, spoke with her neurologist and him. He had no one to off load to and to my surprise asked me to set up a meeting with her MS nurse for him to go and speak to him privately. That was a big surprise to me as being a West of Scotland working class man talking about feelings and stuff just is not the done thing. But this was just too big for him and he needed help. I hope you can both come through this, for both your sakes and your children. With hugs Linda x

Dear Kate,

I understand what you are going through. My husband had a big breakdown and I know my MS contributed to this. He still has odd moments when he’ll say something that makes my jaw drop.

One day, in winter, I was walking to the front door and he told me off for putting my hands in my pockets and that it was disrespectful! I just stared at him.

Later, when I tried to talk to him, he got panicky and stressed and so, as always, I end up swallowing my stress.

It’s not good to keep on not reacting to him. Eventually, you’ll pay a price - it took 10 years for me to start having panic attacks out of the blue.

Two days ago I suggested that he do a Sudoku puzzle to help him switch off and he threw his book at the wall. I was pretty scared at his violence.

If you can - try to get some sort of counselling for him first and then both of you together. It’s a bit too late for me, I had to start taking Citalopram, but if you can do ask for help for both of your sakes.

I’m the carer at times. It’s not great, as I don’t drive and if he’s having a bad day, he can’t drive.

Shouting back doesn’t seem to help. I’ve tried that too.

I wish you the very best and that you get some help for him and for you both,

love and ((hugs))

anon person, who’d rather not be, but it’s necessary.