I think there are several issues here. One is the mental self image. If you don’t feel sexy then you won’t want sex. And of course incontinence is a factor that makes people, men and women, often feel completely unattractive and totally sexless.
Then there’s the loss of sensation. If you’ve lost any feeling ‘downstairs’ (so to speak), then you probably won’t want sex.
If on the other hand you’ve become super sensitive, then being touched could be horrible. (Even by your beloved husband!) This could also apply to being touched/cuddled.
And if you have a combination of not feeling like you are sexy, plus having little or too much sensation, then sex is the last thing you want.
Theres also the fact that everything has changed. I remember saying to my OH that having sex with me would be like shag*ing a blow up doll. Because I have no feeling down there. And I have very little interest in being moved into position only to feel nothing, become overheated, and essentially get no pleasure from it.
Is it possible that your wife associates being cuddled as a prelude to sex? Maybe it’s a case of reassuring her that sometimes a cuddle is simply an affectionate cuddle. And that she’s just as nice to cuddle as she ever was.
I do hope you can start talking about physical closeness again.