My boyfriend of 2 years seems to be having a lot of mood swings, recently. Most of them revolve around insecurities about our future, and being jealous of the opposite sex. I’ve never cheated. I’ve never considered it. I love him. If someone talks to me he finds it suggestive each time, and instantly tells me he hates them. If someone does hit on me, he tries handing out restrictive rules that he feels I should adhere to. Obviously, I’ve told him no to his “rules” and that we have no reasons for rules aside from healthy boundaries that most monogamous partners agree with. I did get him to calm down. He said he was wrong, and said he agreed and that he trusted me… but then he freaked out on me again just for discussing how we should find better coping mechanisms instead of lashing out. Anyway, is this severe jealousy something that is triggered by MS/insecurities/mood swings? Anyone deal with this? Any help is appreciated.
Which one of you has MS?
If it’s him, perhaps he is so scared of you finding it hard to be with a person with MS that he is jealous and insecure.
If it’s you with MS, maybe he’s being overly protective??
Very difficult to answer without knowing who has MS and who doesn’t. Give us a bit more background, including maybe what age you both are as this might have a bearing on things too. For example, if you are in your early 20s it’s a very different situation to if you’re in your mid 30s. Life experience and previous relationships can have a massive influence on our behaviour. But if you are both young, then maybe you don’t have as much in the way of ‘history’ so are fighting with the MS just as much as with the jealousy within the relationship.
He has MS.
MS can come accompanied by odd mood swings. Also, imagine you were the one with MS. Would you feel like saying, ‘you should be with someone completely healthy?’ Or maybe you’d be frantic with jealousy every time some good looking girl comes on to him?
I’m in no way suggesting that he has the right to set rules and limitations for you. In fact it sounds like he is well and truly in the wrong and is attempting to control you.
You are right, he should trust in your love for him. But I can also see what it must be like to be a young man with an uncertain future. Having MS can seriously screw with your brain.
He needs to learn that you cannot control what another person does or does not do. And that has nothing to do with MS.
But at the same time, it’s impossible for me or any of us to suggest ways of getting that message through to him.
I wish you and him all the best and hope you can find a way to stop his jealousy from ruining your relationship. Perhaps someone else (maybe a man?) can help.
I can’t tell whether your boyfriend is insecure or just immature but I don’t think that MS is the root.
The “rules” he’s telling you to stick to are controlling behaviour and have no place in a relationship in our society. If you concede to his demands you will make yourself desperately unhappy and probably lose all your friends.
You have to decide whether this is the man you want to spend your life with or whether you’d be better off on your own. But don’t be a martyr.
MS is no excuse for being a jerk. Irrational jealousy and attempts at controlling behaviour are red flags in any relationship, and I think you should be careful.
If you feel able to, please share your concerns with a confidential friend or relative who can keep a watchful eye on how things are for you. Even the most strong and capable people can find themselves losing their perspective on a relationship with a jealous and controlling partner - that’s where the views of someone who knows you well can be so valuable.