Forum

Mixed feelings

Hi there I’m logging on for the first time this evening. I think I’m like a lot of people on the site, I ignored symptoms on and off for sometime (roughly 5 years) like migraines, fatigue, bladder urgency, heat intolerance and dental pain in legs etc. I finally decided to seek some assistance from my GP which for me personally was shortly after the heatwave in July which followed from a stroke like incident at Christmas which amongst other things caused serious blurred vision, heavy legs, vertigo over three weeks and crawling itchiness on my feet which I could have happily used the cheese grater to resolve!! There are two family members with MS in my family and my GP and Neuro have both suggested MS although my neuro expected more problems with his examination but feels the sensory symptoms and heat issues are specific/significant. I’m now awaiting my dx following that 1hr neuro appt on 28/10 and MRI on 9/11/13, I had 10 blood tests taken to rule out the usual suspects. I’ve been told the MRI results will be fedback within 14 days and I suspect they will do this in conjunction with my blood tests. My neuro took my number so I take it he will call me. The issue I have is that I’m going through so many feelings, feelings i’ve never felt before, I feel bad for feeling this way as I realise things could be so much worse. Historically i’ve been a career girl and worked up from a nurse to a director of clinical services and now i’m struggling to sometimes write a letter or complete small tasks :frowning: . I have no children and chose the career path by choice. I now feel like this has been for nothing and that going forward I will be unable to sustain such a role. I feel like i’ve committed my 20’s and 30’s to my career and now potentially have MS and some very real functional issues. I love my family and friends very much but I feel like I’ve been so absorbed in my career that I feel guilty accepting what is and will be some much required support going forward, event though I would reciprocate and I know my family and friends are more than happy to do so. I feel a real sense of loss, guilt and uncertainty, yet I want to know what’s wrong and in some ways if I do get a dx of MS it will be a relief. Is this normal to feel this way? These are feelings i’m struggling to share with my family and friends, they advise i need to get my health issues under control and that’s what matters, I realise that but i feel like i’m grieving and I don’t even know yet! Sorry to go on. Regards Lottie

Hi Lottie, there are others here more experienced than I (still waiting for diagnosis myself) but I just felt the need to say yes, those sound like normal feelings. Would you consider speaking to a counsellor? I had a few sessions to get me through a rough patch a few years ago and it was the best gift to give myself at that time. Facing change can bring up all kinds of emotions. Be gentle with yourself and open to receiving help. Wishing you all the best on your journey :heart:

Hello Lottie and welcome to the gang!

Here, you`ll find an array of folk, some with MS or like yourself, awaiting a diagnosis.

You`ll also get people like me…who were mis-diagnosed with MS and have been tossed from pillar to post on a very rough road!

Having dedicated your life to your successful career, you may feel you have missed out on other things, like relationships and having children.

But had this health issue not affected you, would you still feel you had made the wrong choices in life, when it had come to retirement time, in the usual way? I am not sure you would and there`s nothing wrong with that.

Sounds to me that you`ve enjoyed a full life, probably having met lots of people and done more than your bit to help those needing assistance in one way or another.

Try not to feel bad about the way things have gone.

If you do get diagnosed with MS (or anything else), please try to remember that life can still be interesting, worthwhile and fun!

Be good to yourself and take it steady, yeh?

luv Pollx

Yes, it is normal to feel this way.

I am sorry you are facing all this. You sound like me 15 years ago. When you have something like this hanging over you, it is natural for the brain to go into overdrive. With this level of threat, your brain wants to test out the vulnerabilities in every single aspect of your life from here until your dotage, figuring out every issue, scoping out every potential problem. Which is exhausting, as well as a waste of energy. Please try to take things gently and deal with things as they come along. You do not have to solve everything right now - please try to pace yourself emotionally. And please do not assume that your life as you planned it is over and that all your hard work will have gone to waste and that the fates are making a fool of you. That honestly isn’t the way it works. Even if it does turn out to be MS, that still isn’t the way it works. From where you are right now, you are seeing things in the worst possible light. It is a bit like those 0300 sleepless worries - nothing looks too great at that hour. But in the light of day we find that we can deal with the problems and make something of them, something that looked impossible in the dead of night. Worrying about whether you have MS is a bit like that. The worrying is the worst. If you do have it, you’ll deal with it.

Good luck with it all.

Alison

Hi,

I must agree with others, take what is happening to you gradually, trying to look at the whole picture is to overpowering. I also had to face up and re-look at my career and lifestyle and I must honestly say it was the best thing I did. It made what was really important stand out to me. Its not easy but anything, anything is possible. good luck and be kind to yourself,

Catherine xx