i’ve been popping in for a read over the last few weeks and thought it time to say ‘hi’.

i guess the main reason for me writting today is that i’m not such a ‘positive thinker’ at the moment and my doctor enquired if i had been on here at all for support.

i have not been diagnosed yet but the MRI scans and symptoms are indicating that it is MS. I’m still waiting for results of lumbar puncture and blood tests. God the waiting is murder! My doctor is extremely good, after 5 years of seeing different doctors and being told there is nothing wrong with me i finally moved surgery and the new doctor sent me for a series of scans that show 2 big white lumps in my spinal column - on the neck and a little further down, also a big white mass on the brain.

i’m usually a positive thinker and have dealt with it all fairly well over the last few months but today i am struggling emotionally. i went to work today and got taken straight to the doctors as my foot and ankle has swollen to double size … i was told at work not to come back, ‘take the day off’. i have an absolutely brilliant boss who at one point offered to pay for me to see a private consultant because things were going so slow with the NHS. I love my job and am bursting into tears as i write this as i am worried sick about how this is all going to effect my future employment. my boss has told me he will do everything in his power on a personal level in addition to anything he can do as my boss…but my health seems to be getting worse. i have not been able to walk properly for some time now with severe back pains, a 24/7 burning sensation in one leg and i have developed footdrop in my other. lately i have at times not had the strength in my thumbs to press the deoderant down…and have started getting ‘tiggling’ feelings in both hands. my memory is getting worse & worse and i have blank spots where i cannot think of names or sometimes even single words escape me and then i forget what the conversation is about (although the professor who seen me said the memory thing is not linked with MS)…what the hell is wrong with me, the memory thing is crippling me!

i don’t know what to say really and reading back what i have written hasn’t given me any real idea of what i’m doing writting on here …

very emotional and confused

Hello, and welcome to the site

Your boss sounds fab! Try not to worry about work - deal with one thing at a time. Once you get yourself a diagnosis (hopefully soon), then you will also get better access to meds and you will be able to work out how to make things easier at work so you can keep going. So, one step at a time.

Not sure what kind of Professor you saw, but memory problems are very common in MS and word finding (or lack of it!) is really really common. Most MSers would know exactly what you mean when you say you have “blank spots”! When you get the chance, ask to see a neuropsychologist - they specialise in the effects of brain damage and can assess and advise re cognitive problems.

I hope you don’t have to wait too long for a diagnosis. Remember, one step at a time…

Karen x

Hi ya & welcome to the site

Like you I have fantastic bosses too! I still work full time and yes it is a struggle at times, some days being worse than others. I just try to go with the flow really and make adjustments where necessary.

Memory & cognitive issues are related to ms (amongst other things of course). I have days where I just can’t think straight, find it difficult to find the right word and use it at the right time and my memory is not so hot either! My speech is the same. It tends to be worse when I’m not well or am under pressure and feel stressed. It varies. But there are loads of things you can do to help.

For now try not to worry about work. Once you have a diagnosis and maybe start different medications things will be different again. You’ll be in a better position to see what - if any - changes need to be made. Now is not the time for that.

I hope that you get some answers soon but right now just look after you and don’t worry about things that you can’t control.

Good luck

Debbie xx

Hi positive thinker I was recently dx with MS and I am always forgetting names, nouns and suddenly have a blank moment. A lot of the Msers on here say that this frequently happens to them too. Karen and Debbie have given you sound advice. Try to take things on a day-to-day basis and remember we all can empathise with how you feel. There are always people on here who understand and are ready to offer support. You are not alone. Good luck and hang in there, Teresa xx

Wow, to have a boss who takes you seriously and offers private help is a true blessing!

Your symptoms sound very MS like, but many other conditions mimic MS…as I have found to my own detriment with wrong diagnoses!

Hopefully your dx won`t be too far away, so look after yourself and give yourself time to rest and pace yourself.

luv Pollx

thank you all for your replies.

I do have very good people around me but I’m glad I posted on here because of the identification and understanding of the ‘blank spots … word loss etc’ … I must admit I have questioned my sanity a lot over the last few years; especially when told there was nothing wrong with me. I was begining to think I was making it up in my head. That sounds so stupid now I read it but even when my leg ‘drags’, I was trying in my mind to make it work properly, telling myself there was nothing wrong it was just my imagination making me walk like that …lock me up, I’m going crazy

but once again, thank you for the replies.

best regards,