i've been popping in for a read over the last few weeks and thought it time to say 'hi'.
i guess the main reason for me writting today is that i'm not such a 'positive thinker' at the moment and my doctor enquired if i had been on here at all for support.
i have not been diagnosed yet but the MRI scans and symptoms are indicating that it is MS. I'm still waiting for results of lumbar puncture and blood tests. God the waiting is murder! My doctor is extremely good, after 5 years of seeing different doctors and being told there is nothing wrong with me i finally moved surgery and the new doctor sent me for a series of scans that show 2 big white lumps in my spinal column - on the neck and a little further down, also a big white mass on the brain.
i'm usually a positive thinker and have dealt with it all fairly well over the last few months but today i am struggling emotionally. i went to work today and got taken straight to the doctors as my foot and ankle has swollen to double size ... i was told at work not to come back, 'take the day off'. i have an absolutely brilliant boss who at one point offered to pay for me to see a private consultant because things were going so slow with the NHS. I love my job and am bursting into tears as i write this as i am worried sick about how this is all going to effect my future employment. my boss has told me he will do everything in his power on a personal level in addition to anything he can do as my boss....but my health seems to be getting worse. i have not been able to walk properly for some time now with severe back pains, a 24/7 burning sensation in one leg and i have developed footdrop in my other. lately i have at times not had the strength in my thumbs to press the deoderant down....and have started getting 'tiggling' feelings in both hands. my memory is getting worse & worse and i have blank spots where i cannot think of names or sometimes even single words escape me and then i forget what the conversation is about (although the professor who seen me said the memory thing is not linked with MS)....what the hell is wrong with me, the memory thing is crippling me!
i don't know what to say really and reading back what i have written hasn't given me any real idea of what i'm doing writting on here ......
very emotional and confused