Just been diagnosed at 24. Terrified for my relationship and the future

I found out yesterday that I have MS. I’m 24 and this has completely floored me. I’ve never had any health issues and now I stand in front of a lifetime chronic illness. I am so acres for the future and also about how this will affect my relationship. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years and this is a huge shock for us. He’s not left my side once since I’ve been in hospital and has been incredibly calm and positive. He’s been reading about MS and watching videos to learn more. He said he’s not going anywhere and we will deal with this together but I still have this major fear that it will crack our relationship under the pressure and if he needs to care for me. I love him so much and we are making long term future plans together, Im devastated that this has now happened but I don’t want it to ruin our lives.

I am sorry that you and your partner have had this grenade go off in your young lives together. I’m afraid that’s something MS is good at - it tends to arrive when we are establishing ourselves as adults: building life partnerships, building careers, starting families. It’s tough, and there’s not easy way through any of it.

I hope that your man turns out to be the man you hope he is, and that he probably hopes he is, too. If you’ve got a good 'un, that’s great. I’m sure you’ll both do your best, and that is all anyone can ask.

It’s rotten news you’ve had, and of course you will be fearing the worst, as we all do when a life-changing dx arrives. All I can say about that is that we are resilient creatures and tend to find ways of dealing with whatever comes along and making a good life. It might not quite be the life we had planned, but that’s OK. But it is very unsettling when a person finds out that many of the comfortable certainties of life are not as certain as they looked. It’s upsetting and disorientating, and I wish I could suggest something to make it easier. All I can say is that it does get easier, but those early days can be tough and I wish you well as you navigate your way through.

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**[quote=“katodizzle, post:1, topic:76018, full:true”]
I found out yesterday that I have MS. I’m 24 and this has completely floored me. I’ve never had any health issues and now I stand in front of a lifetime chronic illness. I am so acres for the future and also about how this will affect my relationship. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years and this is a huge shock for us. He’s not left my side once since I’ve been in hospital and has been incredibly calm and positive. He’s been reading about MS and watching videos to learn more. He said he’s not going anywhere and we will deal with this together but I still have this major fear that it will crack our relationship under the pressure and if he needs to care for me. I love him so much and we are making long term future plans together, Im devastated that this ****

Hi Kato, ‘been there, done that, got the T-shirt ‘! Sorry if this is misplaced humour but I hope the following is of some help and reassurance. As a 70 year old male Im much older than you and it’s 18 years since I was diagnosed . When diagnosed I had a ‘girl/ woman’ friend of some 4 years. It was, and still is, a good relationship! I did say to her that I would understand if she wanted to end it but basically, yeah we have dealt with it together and got married 10years ago last month.

MS is a pain and it’s certainly very scary and shattering when you get a diagnosis and I can still get down/ scared. Bit by bit however, I and wife adjusted to the new ‘normal’.

Every case is different but I can still walk for 10 mins or so, use a mobility scooter for anything longer, have to make sure that a toilet ( or hedge/bushes :sunglasses:) is within a short distance, find noisy busy or warm/ hot places a struggle. Generally though I’m not too bad.

Your boyfriend seems to be doing the right thing/ doing well and reading / learning about MS.

MS might well start affecting your life but it’s by no means a definite that it’s going to ruin it. We are just back from a couple of weeks in Bamburgh where the biggest challenge was getting my scooter down to the beach ( too many rocks and sand dunes) but apart from that we were able to do most things. And just as an example of what is possible, some 6 or so years ago we did a cruise on a smallish ship around Svalbard- watching polar bears, walruses and whales ( even managed a short walk on the snowy/ icy land).

So Kato, yeah, think about and make contingency plans for if things turn out bad for you but also plan and hope for the best.

More than happy if you are want to message me through this site, or similarly if you want to ask any questions using this forum. Equally, if your boyfriend wants to ask any questions etc.