I've lost my smile, can't seem to find it anywhere at the moment!

Hi folks

I know it’s been a hard winter for all of us and my only child broke the news that she is not coming home from her year teaching in Indonesia but is heading off to SA and then maybe on to Canada before she comes home.

I think I’ve come to terms with this and have revisited my local church and had some wonderful support and friendship from the people there (my new mate is an 89 year old whose daughter also had ms, anyway she over fusses around me bless her). I am looking forward to a trip out next week to meet up with my cousin who I haven’t seen for many years. Despite all the good things going on in my life I’ve noticed when out on my buggy and whilst taking part in ms activities, that I don’t seem to smile anymore.

There was a photo taken that showed the proof of this, at a coffee morning. Everything is an effort, pain is constant, hopefully my smile will return in the summer but for now it’s disappeared.

Wendy x

Oh Wendy,

That’s not like you! But it happens to all of us, sometimes. I know what you mean about everything being an effort. I find it even with nice things: I keep wondering if the enjoyment will be worth the hassle.

I’ve been doing my Art History class once a week, but due to the feeble public transport, my college session is only three hours, but I’m out of the house for six. Really starting to feel the strain of this, whilst enjoying the course itself. Don’t want to quit over it, but it’s hard.

I’m glad you got back in touch with the church. That’s another of my “keep meaning to” things - although I never felt particularly comfortable at the last one (bit “happy clappy” for me), and wonder if there’s another, where I’d feel more at home.

If it’s any consolation, it’s wonderfully sunny here today, and the clocks go forward (had to think, but yes, it is forward) tomorrow, so hopefully, that should help us all feel a bit better.




Hi Wendy, You must be missing your daughter terribly. You sound like you might be a little depressed. Maybe the doc could help? Are there any other groups you could get to? This companionship may help to fill the space your daughter has left. I know it seems like a big effort to do it, but the effort may be worth it. What about studying a new subject at home? Maybe an open university course might be challenging and give you something to focus on. Hope you feel better soon. At least the sunshine is making an appearance more often! Boo x

Thank you very much Tina and Boo, my brain is a bit too addled for studying although I am trying to learn the piano (as you can imagine my fingers jump all over the place; it’s worse than typing)! fun though. I am very busy with my local ms Socitey and have plenty of work to keep me busy but even that gets too much at times).

I decided to return to the Methodist church as I find they are not too judgemental and I yearn for people like my daugher who don’t blame everything on the poor/people on benefits and immigration.

It is a beautiful day out there today and has cheered me up some.

Wendy x

thinking of you wendy-u will find ur smile, it cant hide forever…

ellie x

hi wendy

i know how much you must be missing your daughter.

my son went off travelling whilst i was at home being diagnosed with ms.

12 months in australia then 4 months in new zealand where he’d have stayed but for the earthquakes.

but you got to hand it to them, travelling whilst young, child free, mortgage free.

just think how much catching up you’ll both have when she comes home.

in a way its something to be proud of that our children grew up to be adventurous and confident.

smiling is a skill that needs practising. something will make you smile without realising it.

love carole x

Hello Wendy.

I have a special saying and I am sending it to you today.

If you see someone without a smile, give them yours`.

Here you are Wendy…it comes with a kiss and a cuddle.

luv Pollx

Thank you Poll and Ellie, I can feel it returning already, oh and Carole thank you too. My daughter has already spent a year in Peru volunteering, a year in Spain studying and doesn’t seem to be able to settle. I have reconsiled (sure I’ve spelt that wrong) to the idea that you can’t live through your children and you have to let them go, I am going to sit in the garden and read my kindle, that should cheer me up.

Take care all

Love Wendy x