I’m bored too. In all honesty, I was bored while I was still working, as the job was deathly boring and often pointless, and I did not really have enough work to fill all the hours. I wasn’t really surprised to be made redundant, as I hadn’t had enough to do for ages, except once or twice a year, when there was a crisis. I worked from home, but was still afraid to go out or get engrossed in anything too far from my desk, just in case my boss suddenly called or instant-messaged, and realised I hadn’t been sitting there dutifully waiting!
In theory, it should now be better, as I could go anywhere or do anything, without the fear of: “Where were you when I called?”
But in reality, the novelty is wearing pretty thin, as I don’t go anywhere or do anything. OK, that’s not strictly true - I’m learning 2-3 languages with cheap/free online courses (I say 2-3, because I haven’t touched the Russian for quite a while, but am still persevering with Dutch and German). But I’ve now got to the stage I’ve finished ALL the course materials, and everything is just prompted revision - which is necessary, but pretty dull. I’m not going to be able to take my studies further without investing in more advanced courses.
I also do a lot of free Futurelearn courses, with varying degrees of success. A few have been excellent, others have turned out to be not really my thing, and others still, I’ve just gradually fallen behind, until I ended up not finishing them.
I’ve just recently returned to Art History one afternoon a week, for 20 weeks. The tutor is very good and inspiring, but due to the constraints of public transport, I’m out a good 6-7 hours for just a two-hour lecture. In other words, I’m spending twice as much time in transit or waiting for buses & trains as I do in the actual lecture. I’m starting to wonder if it is worth the effort, as I get home absolutely exhausted, and am fit for nothing next day. I keep wondering if this will be the last year I’m still able to manage it. I’ve prepaid, so will do it, but it keeps getting harder and harder.
The past month, I’ve been walking about a mile round the park, whenever I don’t have anything else on (like shopping) and the weather is good enough. This has averaged about five times a week. In that time, I think I’ve speeded up, and now complete the route more quickly, but I’m very disappointed I’m NOT finding it any easier or less painful - this is compared to walking three or four miles not so very long ago (within a year). I thought I would gradually be able to build back up to that, but I’m not so sure I ever will.
Reading that lot, it looks as if I do loads of things, but most of it is just sitting at the computer, and the things that aren’t exhaust me. It’s really hard to find interesting things to occupy oneself, that are neither too tiring, too expensive, nor both.
I suppose the underlying problem is feeling I have no real purpose (although I felt that when I was still at work as well).
I often scan the volunteering opportunities, but they all seem to be quite physical and demanding things, like helping in kitchens, showing people round, or driving (I don’t drive). I’d love to help in a museum or library, but those opportunities are popular and oversubscribed, and very rarely come up. And even for volunteer jobs, you need a certain level of commitment - you can’t just phone in sick because you’re having a bad MS day, even if there’s no contract - you’re letting people down.
So I don’t know what the answer is for a “meaningful life”, really.
I’ve got hundreds of books here I’ve never read - probably enough to last the rest of my life if I never bought another book again! Why don’t I get cracking reading them? But I’ve discussed this here before. I hardly read now - I gather from folk here it’s “probably” an MS thing. It’s not that my eyesight’s affected or anything - I just can’t seem to concentrate long enough. I used to do most of my reading in bed, but now I go to bed so doped up, I can’t stay awake.
What’s the answer? I dunno.
Tina
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