Q. What is a 'Winter Fuel’ payment ?
A. It is money that the government will send to taxpayers.Q. Where will the government get this money ?
A. From taxpayers.Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?
A. Only a smidgen of it.Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase gas and electricity…or a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.Q. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.K. Economy by spending your 'Winter Fuel’ cheque wisely:
* If you spend the money at Asda or Tesco, the money will go to China , Taiwan or Sri Lanka
* If you spend it on petrol your money will go to the Arabs
* If you purchase a computer it will go to India , Taiwan or China
* If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala
* If you buy an efficient car it will go to Japan or Korea
* If you purchase useless stuff it will go to Taiwan
* If you pay off your credit cards or buy shares, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead, keep the money in the UK by:
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Spending it at car boot sales
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Going to night clubs
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Spending it on prostitutes
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Buying beer or whisky
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Getting yourself a Tattoo
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Visiting a bookie
(These are the only UK businesses still operating in the U.K. )
Conclusion: Be patriotic - go to a night club with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a car boot sale and drink beer day and night !
No need to thank me…just glad I could be of help. …