Afternoon guys. Right who`s ready for a bit of Friday fun? Hope you enjoy reading this!
As you know, I am the recent recipient of a ceiling hoist.
Just had a wonderful time with it. Here goes;
I was stting in my recliner, reading my PMs when I felt a sudden urge to wee.
Hubby was in the kitchen washing/drying our poodle Lucy. So he couldn`t hear my calls.
Right, its up to me.
Not wanting to wee in situ I knew Id better get sorted. So I pulled the hoist over me (it hangs at my side), fastened the straps of my sling to the hoist (I now sit and sleep on the sling, for easy access, it isn`t uncomfortable) and up i floated.
Now for the tricky bit. I do need someone to guide me over my wheelie or I keep on travelling along the track. I made a grab for the back of the wheelie, but missed. I began to spin. Went round 3 times and was heading for the opposite wall…Thought I`d be joining the neighbours for tea!
Then I wriggled and jiggled until I got back near the wheelie.then I made a grab for it`s back again…got it! Now I needed to lower myself into the seat…yeh, keep going,… nearly there. Chuff it! The footrests were up and one shoved my left leg to the wrong side and I was stuck again!
Bit more writhing around and managed to get hold of the foot rest (I call call
em stirrups!). I yanked it off its post and chucked it out of the way…followed by t`other one.
re all still following this.............no, havent weed myself yet.
At last I was in situ and unstrapped myself from the hoist, gathered up straps and set off for the loo…crashed into the door frame, taking yet another chunk of wood with me (I`m making the house open plan, bit by bit!)
Hubby saw me passing through the kitchen…
How the chuff did you get there? he asked. Lucy looked at me, as hubby held her up by her front legs as he blow dried her tum., as if to say, Mum, help me get away from this torture!`
I dashed to the loo and kept telling myself to hang on to my bladder contents. I was forced to take my life in my hands and heave myself up and onto the loo…whilst pulling at my pants…onto the loo.made it…then I waited for hubby to get me to make the return journey.
Got some more bruises now to add to my gallery! Banged my toes too.ouch!
All good fun, innit?
Hope no-one`s wet themselves reading this.