I dont want MS to end our marriage

Reading some of the statuses about partners dealing with MS. I’m 30yrs with 2 children & been with my wife for 10 years. If I could take this illness from her then I would in a heartbeat.

this terrible illness has affected every part of our lives & always argue because the MS is making her frustrated. I am starting not wanting any sex anymore & feel the sexual attraction is fading. This is not due to the MS it all down to her mood swings with is understandable.

i feel the pressure now due to my wife’s mobility because I have a great job, fatherhood & keeping the house tidy. I feel as though I have a bag of bricks on my shoulders.


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Hi everyone I am new to to the ms society. I wandered if anyone has been through this situation. My husband got diagnosed with relapsing remitting 1 year after we were married, he was 26. He had relapses just about every 3 months despite being on the injections, so we moved to be closer to family. He then got put on tysabri, and this helped a great deal, his relapses stopped, he was able to do everything he wanted, and was still working and living a normal life, but he changed, he started getting very moody and picking arguments, he would go out and say he was picking up his dad, but i caught him out numerous times telling me lies, our sex life was pretty much non existent he told me he couldn’t have sex, but one day it came to a head a year after being on tysabri, when i was in hospital he came to see me told me he loved me and that he would miss me and to phone him any time, so that night i tried to phone no answer so i tried to text him no reply, so happened that my brother and brother in law were out and seen my husbands car at a house just outside our village, they stopped and seen him hugging and kissing another girl. They told me and i was absolutley gutted i couldn’t believe it. I asked him why he dont this and he denied having an affair, he was so cold towards me and very cruel when he spoke, he started blaming me for everything, he then did not speak to me for 3 days then he decided our marriage was over. He had become a totally different person, not the man i married, i was and still am very hurt and upset, he has moved his mistress into our house. He thinks he has done nothing wrong and keeps blaming me, i just dont understand it, we were together 10 years and i vowed to support him through everything and would always be there. I am so heartbroken and i cant believe he lied about not being able to have sex either, its a horrible thing to do. I know we are no longer together, but i do still love him even though he wants nothing to do with me any more. Please has this happened to anyone else? Could this be his ms? He says he wants to live while he can, is this the case? I just dont know anymore, im so distraught. This all just happened august 2015. If anyone has any advice it would be appreciated.

Hi, This is my first time on the forum and my first post. I am married for 28 years and my wife has relapsing remitting MS for 24 years now. She is now taking early retirement and I am helping her to finalise pensions at the moment.

We have not been happy for several years and my wife constantly attacks me over everything (walking on eggshells) She still has great mobility and gets around for lunches/dinners with her friends. I thought the reason she talked down to me was because she retrained to be a primary school teacher and just looked down on me

Our sex life is non existent for over 10 years (separate beds) although I don’t believe she is seeing anybody else. If I do anything to attract her wrath then she repeatedly tells me and is silent with me for weeks and months. We did not communicate for over 2 years during which time her Father passed away. I was with her to support when this happened and look after her mom and her mom’s finances. I have reacted badly at times to her behaviour and I am not proud of doing so

She takes Interferon every week which washes her out for 1-2 days now. Clearly things are getting worse and the only reason I am still here is the MS. I would feel terrible if anything happened and I had deserted her but she is pushing me away constantly.She is also starting to influence our adult children’s views and constantly states “don’t listen to your father he’s an idiot”

Reading the posts it seems that a lot of her behaviour is because of the cognitive impairment but i am getting really depressed about it all as she is not physically showing any signs of impairment but it is still there ie chronic fatigue. She won’t socialise with me or my friends and partners but expects me to to socialise with hers. My physical duties as a carer are minimal but I do most of the housework and shopping. A month ago I went out for 9 holes of golf, few beers and a curry and we haven’t spoken since. I am a large build and she bullies me to lose weight which I assume is about looking after myself because she doesn’t have the choice

I want to look after her but she appears to hate me so I may have to choose an arms length relationship although I love her deeply but at 58 and retired I am finding her mental torture hard to bear

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I’m new to this site. My husband of 7 years was diagnosed with R&R MS in 2015, he has changed so much, he does nothing all day just sits around the house, is so frustrating he used to work 40-50 hours a weeks.now nothing. i work 2 jobs trying to keep it together. We are seprated right now, but I miss him. I just don’tknowif this is normal or if he is just lazy. I hear people with MS live normal lives, meaning working, Im just resentful and me doing everything and … Please no negitive comments

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Nobody should feel guilty - l do wonder if most of us would be better living on our own. MS does make you feel frustrated with life - but it is not an excuse to make others suffer as well.

There seems to be quite a few posts on this forum - with the same problem. No easy answer - except do not make MS be the blame for it all. lt could well just be a natural falling out. Sadly, very few people live together happy ever after.

The time to be happy …is now!


Seriousely? How long do you think your post will remain on here? High Priests and Voodoo Spells and an email address. Jeezzzzzz

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…not long!

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Cheers Oliver. The mind boggles. It truly does!

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Hi I’m new to this

I have read through all the posts and some make me question my situation,my wife has had MS for over 15 years now , I have not been the best career I have been told , my wife’s moods change and becomes unreasonable at times , no big deal as long as I’m not having a bad time at work I can cope very easily, to be honest there have been times where we have had some rows some heated and things said I didn’t mean , as my wife suffers from fatigue the physical side of the relationship has been difficult, honestly this has bothered me but I have learnt to live with it , the other day out the blue she sat me down and said she wants a divorce , she has been very depressed over the past few months but has recently started a new course of anti depressants, I am at a loss is it possible for these type of drugs to alter a relationship?

sorry if this is a strange post but a little confused , I am still living and doing my best for her at the moment as once again a both of fatigue has kicked in.

Dear Kelly, Please show your husband your initial post. It is so very heart felt and he needs to understand exactly how you feel.

What about writing to each other so that you can understand what each of you are writing in your own time. My husband and I write and if I am not in a good place, I read his writings later, and vice versa.

I have MS and I have real periods of anger. My family suffer my anger. It usually passes. Sometimes I have deep periods of real sadness, which arrive so abruptly that my family cannot share it and why should they? It is a roller coaster. Of course, we, the family and me and my husband have periods of deep, deep love and joy…you know, cherishing the now.

Your GP has a duty of care and counselling is for all of you. Seek help together. When I was diagnosed I was offered some counselling, which I took. Week three I offered it to my husband and he came. I had no idea how complicated it was for him.

Remember that you need support too? and this forum should go a little way to helping.

warmest thoughts Patience x

Patience, that post by Kelly is three and a half years old. I doubt she’s tuned in to the forum now. I must admit though, I’m always wondering on these kind of threads, what the outcome was.

And this thread was the only one Kelly ever took part in. Hopefully she sorted out her life without further recourse to the forum. It’s a bugger not knowing what happened next.


Sorry Poppy!

still not really got the hang of this thing and often people’s threads often feel so alive and relevant x

Not a bother Patience. :slight_smile: it really is like. getting into a really good book though, and finding the end pages are missing!

Hi Anon, this is an old thread, why don’t you start a fresh one and hopefully you will get some positive advice.

Good luck!

Marjie x

Hello Kelly, my name is Julie I haven’t been on site for a wile,reading your post you sound a lot like us as my husband has also changed he is Moody shouts and becomes angry he forgets what he said after and tells me he nver said it ,think its the frustration and depression, he is under a psychologist but has been under her a long time and they want to discharge him as all nhs cuts putting mental services under a strain,but gp is referring him again when bthey do as his mental state is still really bad and not getting any easier.We have been together 24 years and have 2 daughters aged 11 and 9 he changed his medication recently from beta interferon (Avonex) to Tecfidera and since that seen a rapid decline in his leg muscle tone and bowel bladder incontinence he now struggles to walk in the house falling a lot he has osteoporosis in spine and hips registered blind and lost some of his hearing due to ms also epileptic and has testosterone deficiency and on testosterone injections.Life is hard money worries,my own health problems as i have fibromyalgia and that too affects nervous system.xxx Julie

Hi, it may have been difficult for those of you posting on an old thread, to start your own.

But I am sure you will get more replies if you do start a new thread.

If youre not sure how to start a thread, just click on new thread` and go from there.


reading this makes me cry. I hope it gets better soon.

Hi there I found your post after googling “MS has changed my husband, I can’t cope with his Anger” and wondered what has happened to you as some time has passed? I am so unhappy and my story is so similar to yours, I need help as I want to run away. My husband is irrational and angry all the time and I am completely useless in his mind. I don’t know the man who he has become and I don’t love this version of him. I want to leave him but we have been together 30 years and I loved him SO much until the MS changed his personality to a bully in 2010. I feel so selfish feeling sorry for myself but I have put up with this for 8 years and it’s breaking me down. I have an Autistic Son who gets distressed when my husband shouts at him. My 14 year old daughter gets picked on every day and I am watching her avoiding coming home and being unhappy when she does. I could go on and on with examples of the problems but I think you and everyone who is involved in this thread understands my situation and what I am going through. For the sake of my children and my sanity I know leaving him is the only way to make our lives better but what about my husband? He can not live without care and how can I abandon him when it’s not his fault? I promised to love him through sickness and in health and for better and for worse but I don’t want to anymore. I am just looking to see how you are after the past few years and how you got through it. Any advice or help you or anyone on this page can pass on would be much appreciated. I want to do right by him but also need to think of my children’s happiness first and foremost. I can’t see how there is an answer for this that is right for everyone but I can’t cope anymore.


You said, “I promised to love him through sickness and in health and for better and for worse”.

So did he. If he cannot fulfil his part of the contract then think hard about whether you should be honouring yours.


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