I think you’ve given this man enough time to get a handle on his MS and his temper tantrums.
As a woman and a parent, you need to do what is best for you and for your children. There is no shame in leaving someone who has changed so very much. It’s true that MS does some terrible things to our brains. But that doesn’t mean sacrificing yourself and your family because you promised to love him.
As Anthony says, if he can’t fulfill his part of the deal, then you shouldn’t be ashamed of giving up on the marriage.
You deserve more. And so do your children.
If it were just you and him, would you stay? If the answer to that is no, then you certainly shouldn’t stay because you have children, in fact the reverse is true.
Just my opinion.
I wish you the best of luck with a very difficult decision (which btw, I feel you have virtually made, but need to be told it’s OK by some people who have MS - which Ant and I have).
I can understand Cathy’s dilemma though. She loved her husband and is struggling to be loyal but the brain lesions have changed him to the extent he can’t honour the marriage contract. The worse thing is it’s not his fault, he didn’t ask for this but neither did Cathy. I am in a similar situation, my life is not always a happy one but my family are grown up and give me a great deal of support which means I can cope, just. I think Cathy’s situation is different because she has younger children to consider. I think in those circumstances I would want to leave the marital home if the financial situation allowed it, but would still offer support if my husband wanted it… Difficult situation with no easy solution!
Thank you so much to all if you who have responded to my post, I am so grateful and really appreciated you taking the time out of your days to help me.Just hearing from someone that understands my situation is a relief as when I have told people around me I want to leave they are so judgemental as they don’t know what it’s like. Gosh you have all given me things to really think about, especially the comment that he’s had long enough to come to terms with his MS, that really hit home. I have spent so much time feeling sorry for him but he’s using that to keep me with him. You are so right he has had a long time to come to terms with it and should have done so for his family’s sake. The other questions you put to me I.e Would I be with him if I didn’t have the children? No I don’t think I would. Would I be with him if I could afford two homes and get live in care for him? No again is the answer.
After his huge blow up at me yesterday he has spent all day today apologising and telling me how ill he feels and what the stress has done to him but I don’t feel it’s genuine, it’s manipulative behaviour. It will happen again and each time my feelings die a little more.
Again I am really grateful for your support and can’t tell you how much it means to me. I have decided to take my kids away to family for a couple of days next week as my husband is going into hospital for a couple of days as we all need a change of scenery and some quality time together. I am going to take the time to really think about what I want and need to do and how different it is being able to do and say what I want without worrying about what he might do or say.
I hope that life is kind to you all and will post an update in due course.
Enjoy your time away. Don’t worry too much about other people’s opinions whatever your decision is, it’s you and your children that are important. And yes, him too, but you bear ultimate responsibility for yourself and your children’s lives and happiness. He will still be part of their lives whether you choose to stay or leave.
And let us know if you need help or support. I know it’s only virtual help, and we don’t know exactly what life is like, only you do.