Yesterday I went for my initial consultation.
Doctor: I’m going to examine you first.
Me: If you do that I will have to kill you or at least deploy my water pistol full of permanent ink.
Doctor (in witty tone):
What colour? Me: Pink with yellow spots.
Doctor (smug tone): You can’t do that with a water pistol.
Me: Twin barrels.
I didn’t actually say this; just thought it.
A lump has been found so it’s a case of strap myself down.