I hadn’t realised just how badly this week or 2 of severe pain and numbness had hit me, until my friend who was meant to be dropping me at my new doctors to drop off the registration forms today, forgot and i was hit again with the fear that i would have to force myself to make the walk and do it. I did it, even though I still had reservations about how i would be treated, but i suppose nothing ventured, nothing gained. But not before I had a big breakdown moment. I was having a major invisible flea time so was agitated anyway, but I just lost it completely, i have not cried that hard or felt such despair for quite a while 
I kept thinking to myself, i don’t wanna go to the doctors, i don’t want the possibility of this being real, i don’t like this ect… I suffer from depression and anxiety anyway, but that has not been too bad recently. Until I was made to do nervewracking things at work yesterday, and my twitches increased, some of which may be anxiety related but being made to do scary stuff didn’t help, then i was stuck in a hot meeting, and the pain in my foot started, and numbness and i could feel it working its way up past my ankle, so i got scared, and i tried to keep readjusting my position cos i thought maybe its cos i was sitting with my legs crossed (bad for veins so my mum says) but even sitting “in the proper position” as my mum calls it, it was still there and my left leg was completely numb until i got home and started to cool down.
I always thought I could deal with emotions, at least to a degree of still just about functioning, but its like im fighting battles on 2 fronts, and dealing with the physical one is more scary, but the emotional one is easier, but if i don;t try and deal with the physical one i won’t be able to do anything.
Arrghhh I’m all over the place
Hi Jules,
**big hugs
It’s not easy but getting stressed and wound up makes your heart beat faster, increases your body temperature and will make your symptoms feel worse. It took me a while to learn this as I was a bit of a hot head (family business argh!) but I’ve nearly got it under control.
You should right now be rewarding yourself for getting to drs and back not beating yourself up for getting wound up and upset. It’s perfectly natural and totally allowed.
I was in limboland for 2.5 years up until last month, it does get easier I promise.
It is very scary when the symptoms show up, especially the first few times but as bizarre and uncomfortable as they are you do get used to it, I have l’hermittes (sharp electrical shooting pain), first time i9t happened I swear my heart stopped! 2 years later I shrug it off and think to myself “you know better than to look down” . Just take each day (and symptom) as it comes.
Are you on any meds at the moment? Might be worth asking the GP for Amytriptaline (sp?), it’s a very mild antidepresant, aids sleep and can help with some of the “ms type” symptoms.
I also have a great therapist who I can put the world in perspective to and can say anything, for me that really helps
xxx
Not on any meds at the mo, had a bad reaction to one antidepressant the summer before my symptoms started appearing (coincidence or not i don’t know), but in the week the pill took to wear off i hated the way it felt, i had no emotions, did not feel like me at all, does this Amytriptaline have a similar effect? I want relief of course but still wanna feel like myself! Haha, if anything i need less sleep at the mo, sooo much fatigue! But if it helps with some symptoms that would be good… do you not have to be dx to be prescribed it tho? I used to have a councellor but cos it was done in secret (had to be cos of equally stressful family business), and i couldn’t make it last cos it was making me worse having to lie…suppose a quick dx ( well i say quick, reading things on here sounds like there is no such thing!), would be the easiest answer to getting help.
hugs
xx
Hi Jules
So sorry you’re feeling so ‘all over the place’. That’s such a horrible feeling.
However, well done you for getting to the docs without the expected lift.
I agree with Sarah that Amitriptyline could well be a big help as it does deal with neuropathic pain. It was suggested to me by a physio and my GP then prescribed it. (I’m not diagnosed yet).
I was just on the low dose of 10mg but it really helped with the pain, plus sleeping, and I felt better in myself too. I’m sure your GP would prescribe it for you.
My Neuro then thought I should go on Pregabalin, which I did, so I then discontinued the Amitr.
I understand that MS can also bring on ‘emotional lability’ which could be the despairing tearfulness you felt. So, don’t feel guilty about it, but I do think you should get some help from your GP - you shouldn’t be dealing with all this pain etc without help.
Sending ((hugs)) - take care and try to get lots of rest, and I do hope you feel much easier soon.
Bren x
Hello Jules x me too! I feel for you xxx I’m crying over anything and everything! Awful moments of despair - yet now and again I’malso getting this odd feeling of what someone described as ‘euphoria’!! Spot on word! xxxjenxxxx
Hi Jules and (((hugs)))
It’s definitely worth trying the amitryptiline. It’s prescribed for all sorts of things, depression and neuropathic pain being just two of them.
I was on it for neuropathic pain, starting off on 10mg and working my way up to 20mg. It can cause a bit of drowsiness - which is what I found - so my neuro switched me over to Pregabalin which I’m now on the maximum dose of.
You’ve got so much to cope with at the moment so don’t beat yourself up if you have an emotionally bad day. It may be hard to imagine at the moment but things will get better. In the meantime speak with your GP and ask for some help - that’s what he’s there for.
Keeping things in perspective is very hard to do, but it is do-able. We all find our own way of dealing with things, sometimes we just need a little help that’s all. There’s nothing wrong or shameful in that.
Look after you Jules - rest up as much as you can too.
Debbie xx
Dont forget txt me if you need to and well done with the doc thing.pip
Wow, you have so much going on right now. You really need to take it easy and try to relax. Do something that makes you happy and feel good. You really, really need to do something about your anxiety levels as this is no good for you at all. I can sense your despair in your post. I feel for you. I really do.
I have been taking Amitriptyline for years. Was on 25mg for years for migraine but it was upped last year because my GP thought it may help with my insomnia. It doesn’t help me with that but it has been a help with reducing the amount of migraines I have.
Please try to manage your stress and anxiety levels. It’s all getting on top of you. Can you get singed off work? The best thing you can do is talk to people who can help you. Is there a friend or family member you can confide in? A partner? Maybe the MS help line? Do they have a support number? Being in limbo is awful because you don’t feel you can access the MS help available yet without a DX and yet you also can’t go on as you were. It’s a halfway hell.
I will be out of a job end of August anyway, as it was only a 1 yr contract, the thought of going back into an interview situation is scary enough without this limboland on top of me too. i’m still not really talking to Mum about it, tho I know I should. i’m still getting angry with her when she nosies at my laptop and nearly sees I’m on here. i would call the helpline but again ur right, they would prob tell me to hang up cos I don’t have dx, don’t even have a neuro!
Hiya…have you booked an appt yet? Im sorry but Ive forgotten where you are at.
I sense you need to slow down and focus on what is happening at the stage you are at now,not get bogged down in what happens in several stages time.
You need help and lots of emotional support and I cant for one minute imagine the helpline would turn you away.If they felt someone else was more appropriate Im sure they would steer you in the right direction.
For now could you focus your energies into things that you enjoy,to distract yourself even for a short while from health and job worries?
Midnightmoon is right in the need to manage your anxiety levels and the first step is going to the gp with a clear idea of what you want to get out of the consultation. They are short consultations so maybe ask if you can have a long one sp its not rushed.
I really apologise if you are futher on and have your scan booked but I delete messages ans I think a brain fart has kicked in. Txt me if you prefer.
Pip
Its ok, im no further, just registered, no app. booked, been chillin and ignoring, but feeling like i wanna get the first app, out the way with! just gotta get some guts!
How about you pick up your phone now and book the appt. Whats to stop you…only you.
You could be back on here in half hour telling us its booked. You are working yourself up in a way thats not good for you. You will never know whats going on until its investigated…you may well have one of the treatable mimics that a blood test can identify and treatment begin.
Go on its half 4 by 5 you could be another step along the path.
You have booked your appointment? Well done you! When is it? xx
this coming Wed 6th June 10.20, regular GP, feel so bad i haved lied to mum about what im seeing her about, but figured i can always say that we got talking about my funny turns (mum does know about these), guess feedback to mum will all depend on what doc. says.
Well done Jules. Can I ask how old you are? x
thanks, yeah im just turned 24, i dunno if i should be on the young persons forum. x
Ah. You’re only young. I was wondering why you hadnt spoke to your Mum about it all that’s all… just me being nosy really 
I need to get out more :s I dont suppose it matters what age you are to be in this awful situation and on this forum, and I wasnt suggesting you should be on a different forum. If you want to private message me, please do, I have children the same age as you and I wouild be happy to talk to you xx
Oh no its ok i didn’t think you were suggesting that, ive just been wondering that myself.yeah its kinda awkward and long winded. my own fault ive ended up sufffering alone really. thankyou, thats very kind if u could have a look at my proposed what im gonna say to the GP and give opinion that would be great! Really bricking it!
xx