Hi my name is Patti and my bf was diagnosed with me a few years ago he Tould me and is struggling everyday bc of it he in pain 24 7 what do I do what can I say to him 
I’m so lost and I feel sooo much pain and hurt for him he is 27 years old !! How do we get through this together ??? Please help
Hey Patti,
Sorry to hear about your bf being 27 and going through this is tough. Think my gf was thinking the same as you when I was first diagnosed. Best thing I suggest is just to be supportive and be a ear when he needs someone to talk to about how hes feeling. There was a lot going through my head after knowing a little seeing my aunt go through MS for along time. Sending all the hugs
Hi Patti. Do you know what pain treatments he is using?
Your question says ‘me’. Is it ME or MS that he has.
If it’s MS and if he hasn’t already done so, he needs to speak with his MS Nurse about the pain and how to treat it or at least how best to deal with it
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Hello Patti, welcome aboard.
A little bit of thoughts from the other side perhaps, as I am a 37 years old male diagnosed 2 years ago, with my wife suddenly having quite a bit of work cut out for her in caring for me.
One thing she has especially emphasised to me is that she is strong and reliable, so I shouldn’t worry about her. She has willingly picked up all sorts of random stuff here and there around me to make existence even just that little bit easier for me. In fact I worry a little about her the other way around, I don’t really want her to overdo it.
In relation to you and your bf then, I imagine similarly he will feel relieved from having confidence that you aren’t going to be packing your bags tomorrow or something like that, and he could probably also benefit from seeing you have some amount of confidence that you can handle this. He likely suffers some degree of despair from the illness as it is, and if you are then also miserable from not knowing how to handle the situation he might indeed start to feel it would be better for you if he let you go instead or something.
That then of course goes both ways, you shouldn’t seem too self-sacrificing either. Something I really appreciate personally is the quiet tiny little pieces of support that I almost don’t notice because they just give that extra 1% any given day but might not stand out as obvious help.
Well, it’s very “Japanese housewife quiet support behind the scenes” kind of stuff, if you can imagine. Such as going ahead and putting an extra handkerchief into my bag before I head to work on a rainy day that I then randomly find just when I arrive there with wet and foggy glasses. Well, I guess she pays close attention to what I do and how I do it generally, and then skillfully notices little places she can slide in a tiny bit of help without hurting my pride or otherwise bothering me, if that makes sense.
I suppose overall completely generally speaking it would be nice if he could feel [phew, nice that Patti had me covered there] here and there while NOT feeling [damn I sure feel sorry for Patti for having to put up with me] all the time.
That said, like indeed mentioned before me, talking about things openly is also very nice. Leaving lots of unknowns and doubt hanging in the air is the easiest path to misunderstandings and mismatched expectations.
Well, I speak heavily from my own biased point of view and your bf might be completely different. Only way to find out is to talk!
Warmest thoughts from over here, hang in there! You guys can get through this.
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Hi I didn’t mean to put me I mean ms he has ms and he is in a lot of pain but he don’t want to go to therapy ? I can’t convince him what else can I do
Is he using any disease modifying treatment? If he is refusing any treatments at all then I fear there is not a lot you can do. For your own peace of mind you could refer him to e.g the website of the MS Trust which provides details of all the MS drugs that can reduce the number and severity of relapses and slow the progression of the disease, plus details of how to deal with pain.
Do you know when he was diagnosed and what treatments he was offered?