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BF just told me he has ms

We’ve been together less than a year and I had a feeling he was unwell but on Monday he told me he has the mildest form of MS.

It doesn’t change the way I feel about him. I could just do with some advice as I do not know anyone who has, or supports someone with, this illness.

He’s asked me not to mention it to my family. I understand - I wouldn’t want anyone to look at him differently/pity him, only I need support from somewhere. He’s also worried that they might tell me to break up with him - they wouldn’t but I’ve told him I’ll honour his request for a couple of months and made it very clear to him that I also need support.

Any help, support or advice would be gratefully received,

Thank you:-)

Hiya Anon,

My MS is the mildest form - I am one of the lucky ones. I’ve had it over 12 years, no medication and I still go to the gym, still go out with friends etc, just as I did before. My symptoms don’t really interfere too much with my life.

After this long the main thing I find is that I can’t walk as far and as fast as I used to but also my legs get stiff very easily if am still for too long. And I know its little things compared to some people here but it is still frustrating for me to find I can’t do things as well as I used to be able to. That frustration is probably one of the main problems he will have if his MS is mild.

It will be a steep learning curve for you both hun - but stick with it and if you ever need a rant and a rave then thats what we are here for as well.

JBK xx

Thank you for your speedy response JBK.

It’s a blur right now. I want to be there for him but have no idea how to do that.

Do you have partner? What help do you find most beneficial?

Or am I just being condescending?

Hello Just keep doing what you are doing. You don’t really need to change anything. Honestly, I think you sound very caring, looking on here for advice. The only thing I will say is to listen to what your boyfriend wants. Just keep on enjoying each other’s company, just the same as you did before his diagnosis. Best wishes xxx

Hi - I’m currently single but the best thing you can do is to let him know that the support is there if he needs it. Don’t try to force him to accept it but also don’t let him take advantage either.

The fact that you are on here to find out some information is a good indication that you will find a path between the two extremes. But it will take time.

Good luck hun

JBK xx

Hello!

Its great that you came on here to ask us - it shows you are interested!

What I would say though, is just know what MS is and what causes it, and then it is less of a mystery to you. Know what it is by reading up a little bit on here, and than ask him how his MS affects him personally. Everyone’s MS is different, you see.

Then leave it at that intil it comes up naturally in a conversation.

Bye!

Steffi

PS - I have had relapsing-remitting MS for 8 years.

Hello,

I also have very very mild MS. I still party hard, i still go to the gym, i still work in london and commute and do overtime. I just have to look after myself a bit more…big nights out then I try and book the next day off etc…

I was diagnosed 7 years ago, a year after I got with my boyf (still together now) and he has been fab. He read up more than me to start with… he treats me the same as he did before… he knows that I like early nights but thankfully so does he :slight_smile: and will still rave together :slight_smile:

My MS is mild, been diagnosed for three years and life remain the same apart from I can’t walk as far as I used to. I am married but I don’t need any support from my partner, apart from him being understanding that I sometimes get tired. We have two small children and I just have to get on with it. Fingers crossed things stay like this, but as others have said you never know with MS.

I think when you are first diagnosed or first come in contact with MS it can be shocking and overwhelming but when you come to terms with it, it just becomes life.

Husband was told about 8 weeks ago that he has MS. Only had once scan done and we are back at the hospital on the 4th to have a contrast scan. It all started with blurred vision which we have been told that it is Optic Neuritis, now his hand shakes occasionally and he has a constant headache. He says its like shooting pains from his neck all the way up and over his head…could this be a secondary attack??? is this normal symptoms or is it something else? Will a chirpopractor be able to help and can he still go to the gym as he was a huge gym goer but now he is soo tired he doesnt want to risk it.

Also, how can i help him see the positives in life because right now all he keeps thinking of is the negatives.

Please help…worried new wife of a newly diagnosed MS Husband

KDM, It’s hard but your husband needs to accept his dx and start learning what he can and can not do…yes can still go to the gym…and most importantly a positive attitude is HUGE (just like with any illness). MS is NOT a death sentence. For starters he needs to get some meds for those migraines (shooting pains)! That pain is more likely a symptom of the neuritis than a secondary attack. But make sure he is keeping a journal now, if he has not already started one. I’m not sure a chiropractor could help, but that’s because it’s my opinion the headache/shooting pains are from the neuritis. (That’s my opinion however, and I am not a doctor.) As for being so tired, fatigue is a pretty common MS symptom, but so is being exhausted when you’re under that much pain all the time! Hopefully if he can get the pain under control he will be less tired all the time. If not, you should look into some the fatigues medications that are available for him. Good luck!! Tracy

As said by others, just carry on as you have been but ask bf to share with you when/if he is feeling any new or ms type symptoms so that you understand.

You obviosly care and dom.t p;an to run away so reassure him of that and take life a day at a time without letting ms take over your lives

I wonder if your bf told you now because he wanted to be honest with you and share it or if he is worried that something is getting worse…maybe he noticed a new symptom or is worried about being too tired to do things sometimes.

My advice would be ask him if he told you now because of something like that or maybe because he just wanted to be honest with you…then make it clear you are there for him and ask him to tell you if something worries him so you can cope together.

Good luck, I hope he stays well and in mild form for a VERY very long time … illness does tend to focus the mind on making the most of every day.

Ell

Thank you so much for your advice guys. I am so glad I came on here. Big hugs to you all x