How can I best support my sister

Hello there I am looking for honest feedback on how I can support my sister who has recently had diagnosis of primary progressive MS.

We live 60 miles from each other and I would like to suggest that we meet once a week ( now we are able to ) with me driving to her then just having a coffee helping out around the house and garden go shopping or going out to National trust properties etc But I don’t want to crowd her.

We are pretty independent we’ve never lived in each other’s pockets but we are close. Hence I dont want to over do the sudden interest.

So feedback please what sort of things can I do how regular

Any suggestions welcome

My sister is still working but her hours are dropping off. She has a partner at home and son (single) and daughter and son-in-law all living locally .

My sister is not one to ask for help so I just want to know what are the best things I can do to help her

Hello Milly

Welcome to the forum.

I’ve just read your post and to be honest the best thing I can think of is simply to ask your sister. Be clear, just as you have been with us; suggest meeting at her home and you helping with house/garden, or just going out somewhere together.

The trouble with MS is that it often has fatigue as a major symptom. This could cause your sister to find your offer (either option) to be adding to her load rather than easing it.

So, it’s probably important to couch your offer in a sensitive and open way. Don’t take offence if she doesn’t bite your hand off.

Instead, be prepared to counter with simply being available on the phone or email.

Your love, support and kindness might be enough to make your sister feel your presence.

Sue

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Hi GM, do nothing. I can answer this open and honestly as i too have a sister and when i was diagnosed with PPMS her idea of going out and mine were two different things.

for example. go to a garden centre right, sounds nice doesnt it? 2 things.

1 it would wipe me out for the rest of the week.
2 it just reminds me of all the plants and potting i cant do anymore and i ended up more depressed.

Our best support really was skype. or face time. I found all this wanting to take me out and help me suffocating, even though the intentions were not there.

Now my brother i get on great with. we can argue about politics and have a good laugh lol.

My sister means well and i know that and i know she cares about me. but her idea is going off on holiday, walking, and complaining she feels tired too so she knows how i feel, oh yes and she gets aches and pains.

I think the best thing you can do is send her a little card. perhaps with sorry to hear about your recent diagnosis sis, if you need anything you know where I am.

to suddenly help around the house etc well. also i always say why does it take a diagnosis like PPMS to suddenly go to her for coffee and help her around the house? she has family at home. let them absorb this news first. but make the contact but let her decide where to take it from there.

My sister and I, now chat on facebook about once a week. I know if i need her she is there for me. but my daughters are my go too as they dont make me feel suffocated or disabled.

No you cant help yourself sadly it always ends up that way. PPMS well hun i have had it since 2000. No one believed me in my family until i got diagnosed in 2016 then suddenly even though the situation for me was the same as always i had all this interest and advise, and help. where were they when i was struggle prior to the diagnsosis.

the label is just that but the affects of the disease were always with me. My sister even got irritated with me, when i said i couldnt face the hour journey to her place to see her fancy new caravan, surely sitting in a car cant tire you can it she actually said that. Once i had the label she was all over me lol.

Your a lovely and caring sister, all your sister right now needs is to know your there for her if she needs you. xxxxx good luck.

PS. MY IDEA OF BLISS… AN afternoon watching Nowtv uniterrupted lol.

Agree to all that, it is pricesely what my sister did to me she just added the load and made me more vulnerable as she made me feel weak.

Thank you so much I really appreciate your honesty your advice is very helpful

Thank you for your feedback I really appreciate your wise words. Your insight is very helpful and you have given me very useful advice.