What help/support is there for my sister?

Hi there

I have joined this forum this evening due to feeling totally helpless and useless. This isnt about me but my sister who is struggling emotionally, physically and mentally with her current situation at the moment. Her husband has had MS for 20+ years and she has a routine with him down to a T

Shes such a strong person, wise and intelligent and I always turn to her when I have a problem and she generally never asks for help but just lately, especially during this hot weather, she is going through a very tough time with him. He definitely doesn’t enjoy the heat. She has had her own health struggles to cope with but just lately, her husband has become obsessed with going to the toilet for a bowel movement.For instance, he went to the toilet 5 times yesterday but only actually passed a stool 3 times. She works 3 days a week and has had to take time off to look after him and her employers have been very understanding but she cant keep taking time off work. Its really starting to take its toll on her now and my other sister and I are becoming very worried about her wellbeing and her mental state in general. She is is saying she ‘feels like walking away’ - which we know she wont do as she isnt a quitter but she can see her life passing her by. Can I ask if this is normal and can anyone give me any advice as to how we can help her? Its heartbreaking

I can see both sides of this by the way, I see the struggles my brother in law goes through daily with just simple everyday tasks and can see what a horrible ‘illness’ this is. He doesnt mean to be rude but forgets his manners and has a very short memory. The whole situation seems to be getting out of control and me and my other sister are at a loss as to how to help her

Also, can anyone recommend a satisfactory wheelchair to toilet aid as he (my brother in law) has great difficulty getting out of his wheelchair and transferring to the toilet

I have ordered some incontinence pads today too for him to try

Thank you all for reading



I’m not sure as I’ve never been in her situation, perhaps her husbands MS Nurse or consultant could point her in the right direction or social services. Social services might be more helpful as they will be the ones delivering the help if he qualifies.

There is a forum of carers, have you looked on there? You might find a few helpful Topics.

Best wishes to your sister and her husband.

Jan x

Hi Hilary,

Thoughful of you to come on this site.

Your BIL should have an MS nurse. Ask your sister to contact them and ask for an OT to go round and assess.

Strangely, an OT is coming to my Dad’s this afternoon to deliver a mobile comode. It’s a wheelchair that has a commode underneath or remove the comode bit and just wheel it over the toilet.

Haven’t seen it but maybe worth asking.

Hope she gets more help.


Hi, sorry to hear of this worrying situation.

I am the one with MS in our house and have needed a lot of care for several years.

Hubby looked after me by himself for the first 11 years, but as my condition progressed it got too much for him. We got carers in with help from Social Services.

Sounds to me like your sis could do with this sort of help.

Ring them and ask for a care assessment…your sis I mean.

It is always hard to accept help, but needs must or there will be worsening problems.

Advice from an OT will definitely help.

I am hoisted at home, onto a commode for toileting and am wheeled over the loo.

Hope this helps.


a difficult situation for everyone - the reality is things are not going to get any easier.

Is your brother in law getting all the financial help he should?

Could your sister identify what help she needs and when she needs it - e.g. your b-i-l may need assistance to get out of bed and dressed or help in the evening.

Next work out how much actual physical support family members can provide - draw up a rota - then consider paying someone to come in at times when there is no support available.

Re. incontinence pads - expert advice is needed here. Get the m.s. nurse involved.

There are no easy answers - it’s basically a rubbish situation!