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Heat - friend does not understand

Hi everyone

Feeling rubbish. I must admit I am not the most life of the party person though i do like to have fun. My friend is very ‘out there’ parties, late nights in with everything. She kindly invited me to a fun in the sun afternoon which is due to start now. Unfortunately it is in a big park that will take me 45 minutes to get to by bus. Obviously on a day like today it is very stuffy and hot. Once there she wants us all to play games where i would want to find the nearest shade.

I must admit I rarley go out with her as I do make excuses because of getting tired etc so I can understand her thinking nits just another excuse but on this occasion I am not making an excuse when I say its too hot. If it was cooler I would have gone. Her response was its great weather and to come and get out of the house,when I told her it was too hot she said ‘stay in then’ with such a defeated i give up with you tone I have come to the conclusion that people just don’t understand. I now feel like an odd ball…I can never just do things spontaneously without having to weigh thinngs up.I also have a problem with excess sweating under arms and back which doesn’t help.

Hi Anon, I know just how you feel. This weather is flattening me. I went to the cinema…bliss! I should have gone to see another film, moved in for the duration even. It’s hard for people who don’t have ms to understand our fatigue issues and combined with the heat… They just don’t get it. The people who care about you, I’m sure will understand. Keep calm…go to the cinema! Sara x

Cinema works well for me too…as do the fridge and freezer aisles in the supermarket !! Fed up of this weather and, sorry but, longing for autumn and winter to reappear !! Xx

How much of a friend is this person?

The only thing I would say is that friends can’t be expected to be psychic. Have you explained to her exactly how the heat makes you worse - what it does to you? Rather than just saying: “It’s too hot”? Which, unless someone is aware heat can be a special problem with MS, might sound like a bit like a cop-out.

If you’ve never told her the illness makes you extra-sensitive to heat, perhaps you should? She might understand better if you try to describe the problem.

If you think she would be bothered to read it, there’s even an MSS factsheet about the effects of temperature on MS:

http://www.mssociety.org.uk/ms-resources/hot-and-cold-effects-of-temperature-on-ms-factsheet

Perhaps this would help her to see it’s a known scientific phenomenon, and not just something you make up, when you want to get out of doing something?

Tina

x

I feel your pain. The heat today has totally floored me! X

hi anon, People without ms will never understand how we really feel no matter how close they are to us or however hard they try to understand. If I didn’t have ms I’m sure I wouldn’t understand either. It’s just a sorry fact. It’s your friends issue if she can’t understand, not yours. You need to live your life as comfortably as you can. I now have to plan any trips I take as I get fearful of how far I can walk, whether I’m going to pass out with the dizziness i experience, whether I will need the toilet urgently etc. It’s a pain in the backside but that’s how it is and people around me will just have to accept it or lump it. As for this heat…oh god, I have to be in the shade or I cannot function. Like you I have problems with bad sweating on my back which doesn’t feel very nice. I only seem to be able to function in about 18/19 degrees celsius when it’s just pleasantly warm. So don’t feel bad about how you cope and other peoples reactions.

The opnly way I can adquatly describe to folk how I feel is tell them your concentration &effort is the wquvalent of lifting 100 kilo of wet cement. they might not have attempted this but they could image how heavy and difficult difficcult this woud be.

Hi Anon,

I really do feel for you the heat absolutely wipes me out, Tina has given you great advice, you need to explain that you do want to do things with her but can’t always cope with the heat, suggest that you do something cooler that you can both enjoy, then you’re getting out the house and spending time with your friends at the same time.

Take care

BeckyX