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Having a partner. Good or bad experience?

Hia all Well I first got ill over 5 yrs ago with bad dizziness after about a yr I got diagnosed with 2 dizzy conditions and had to give up work. I had been with my partner for 8 mths when I first got ill. Over the next 4 yrs I got asthma, food allergies, had a anaphalatic shock attack, had a bad car crash n went on to be told I had fibromyalgia in 2010. From a very supportive husband turned into I can’t be bothered with you anymore. He was always out never showed any support, after a lot of thought I left him. Well that was a yr ago, since then symptoms been getting worse n I met a new partner 10 mths ago. I told him within a wk of dating all my illnesses as thought best to be upfront. The same happened he was all supportive n caring, but he didn’t understand any of my conditions n in the last 2 mths iv had problems with my eyes n after a urgent eye clinic apt, being rushed to AnE, having a urgent MRI I’m now being referred to neuro to look at what’s now going on. I suspect MS but I know there are lots of conditions with the same symptoms so I’m doing a bit of research trying to find different things out as hate going to a hosp apt n not knowing anything. Well my once supportive partner has turned into a not really caring, telling me to stop moping about n dwelling on being ill n all I do is sit on my iPad every night on forums n I need to do more. He knows I’m in pain n knows how tired I am, yet wants me to go here n there with him, gets moody when I say no. He makes me carry things with him, when there too heavy for him, n just says things like its only gonna take a minute your be fine, or it’s only a 5 min walk do you really need your stick it’s not far etc It’s just starting to really upset me that I just can’t be myself n I have to be this girl that he wants, I honestly can’t keep doing it, I’m so tired n he makes me so unhappy. I’m crying now just writing this. I do love him but it’s such hard work. Does it get easier, or should I just except this is the way it is being with someone that doesn’t except a partner with a long term illness. Sorry for the long post :frowning:

Oh luv! Your post saddened me for you.

You`ve had the same experience again, as your first.

It is no wonder you are feeling less than loved and that you should behave differently from the way you do.

You are bound to feel less confident and confused as to how any other person would find you interesting and attractive.

I think you need to find the courage to ask your partner outright, what he`s thinking. I know that is a big ask and it will be so hard to do, but if you are so dreadfully unhappy, then it is best to bring all the dirty laundry out into the open.

If you find yourself on your own, then perhaos that`s the right thing…for now.

It doesnt have to mean you`ll never find love and security in a different relationship…there are plenty of examples here, from folk who have moved on from a bad relationship, to a much, much better one.

Look after yourself.

luv Pollyx

hun - unless someone finds a miracle cure the chances are that you and any partner will have to live with this for the rest of your lives. If your partner cannot support you and deal with your problems I think you are better off without him.

I know that it sounds harsh and it is easy for me to say but do you need the extra stress of dealing with his problems?

No relationship is plain sailing all the way but if the cons start to outweigh the pro’s then you need to be a bit selfish and do what is right for you and how you manage your condition. You say you love him but don’t tell us any other good stuff about him. Maybe that is a indication that you already made your mind up?

It will be difficult hun if you split with him but it sounds like you are already miserable staying with him. And remember that it is entirely possible to find some-one who will accept you and your limitations.

Take care and lots of hugs.

JBK xxx

I feel that if you cant be youreself,then you shouldnt be with that persosn. MS or no MS,thats what i think,maybe you will be better off without him.the stress of not being able to be yourself muct be causing you a lot of stress.whichc you can well do without.

You poor thing. There are plenty of supportive guys out there - I was lucky enough to find one. We’ve supported each other through family bereavements, lymphoma, a late miscarriage and now MS. Ask him to try putting himself in your shoes - how would he feel if the situation was reversed? Supportive relationships need more give and take - he needs to show you if he’s capable of this… Hope you get the best outcome for you. Xx