Hello
Just wanted to ask if anyone who has MS and young children, have they been accused (like us) or has it been implied to you that your MS causes your child to miss out and if so how did you handle this. Is this legal ?.
This question is not to cause offence just wanted to know how to handle being accused of this.
thanks
Hi,
I realise you might not be able to get into too many specifics, without identifying yourself, but I just wonder, accused by whom?
Is it some kind of officialdom, like the school, or a social worker, or is it a remark by a neighbour? If the latter, then yes, it’s legal - they can hold what views they like. Doesn’t make it true, though, and they probably wouldn’t get anywhere with any complaint to the authorities.
But if it IS some branch of the authorities, presumably there is some formal process to contest this allegation? You would need expert advice (i.e. lawyer, most likely).
I don’t have children, so no, it hasn’t arisen. But how many parents can genuinely offer the “perfect” childhood, anyway? Is there any such thing? Family illness, relationship breakups, money worries are just some of the things that can go wrong. But that doesn’t imply all children affected by such things are “neglected”. Challenging circumstances and neglect are not the same thing.
Tina
Anyone suffering from MS - who have a young family to look after as well as themselves - certainly can not be accused of neglect. The real cause is they are not getting enough support from social services/OT’s as well as other family members.
lts not a time to be too proud. lf you need help you must speak up for yourself. And also speak to teachers at school - they need to know the situation as they can do a lot to help. Just getting children to and from school - making sure they get a good lunch will help.
F
thanks all.
Hi In law, there are very criteria for charging child neglect but these are very specific and certainly do not include your child “missing out” . It very much depends on the accusations made and by whom as to the substance of the allegations and any potential ramifications for you. From a legal perspective, should these allegations not be being made by an official body, you may well feel that they are malicious and therefore have good grounds to counter allege slander or defamation of your character.
Slander/defamation cases are very, very expensive to pursue, and you won’t get Legal Aid for it. Also pointless, unless the alleged slanderer is very well-to-do, as unless they have the means to pay damages, you won’t get anything should you win. Basically, never sue anyone who hasn’t got money, because if you win damages from someone who can’t afford to pay them, you’ve thrown your own money down the pan.
If this is just some kind of neighbourhood name-calling, it’s seriously not worth the stress OR the money. IF, on the other hand, it’s a formal allegation from Social Services or the like, you might be entitled to Legal Aid to contest it (not sure of the exact rules on that).
But I’m guessing, from the limited amount of information available, it’s just an unfounded remark by a busybody, and nothing official at all. Walk away!
Tina
Slander and defamation cases do not usually result in suing anyone. A well placed letter by a solicitor, warning about the behaviour and the consequences or pursuing the conduct often has the desired effect and is not expensive. It depends how strongly you feel about what is happening to you and whom is accusing you of such actions. I work in law so feel free to pm me if you need any further advice.
prior to me being diagnosed with MS my children already had grown up with disability both my brotther-in-law and mother-in-law are in wheelchairs.
Did it do them any harm, no quite the contrary , it has made them more well rounded people, they dont treated folk with diabilities with any less respect If your accused are busy bodies, well believe with their attitute their children could potentially have been ‘neglected’
take care and dont let the busy bodies get you down
trish
Hello, I have a young son who is 7. Some members of my family have tried to imply that we don’t do enough with our son. Me and my husband have a lot to deal with, it has been unrelenting crap for the last 4 years, my MS only joined the party officially this year. My son is happy, loved and I do what I can. I ask him regularly about joining clubs or doing things and he doesn’t want to at the moment. I keep being told he is at that age now when we need to do more. Well, I don’t see them offering to help, so until they do they can keep their opinions and there activity planner for my son shoved up their backsides. I have always wanted to be a mum and I am one doing the best I can. It is a struggle everyday, I suffer with guilt but I love my son with every inch of my being as I’m sure you do with your children. This disease has changed how I parent at times but I am still his mummy and our relationship has as much love and time together as more active parents, it’s just different. I can’t be of much help, so I hope you can get some advice/help with your situation but when I have this kind of thing said to me, I just say to myself, ‘you wouldn’t last a day’. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone but when people bring my chid into it, I do want them to swap with me for a day. Sam x
If it is a neighbour who has said this I would think about reporting them to the police. It is harassment.
If it’s family, I would tell them where to go.
If it’s someone working in official capicity, (housing officer, social worker, health visitor, teacher etc), I would contact their manager and report it.
Children grow up in wide variety of circumstances & loads of children grow up with disabled or ill parent or parents. It’s absolute nonsense to think they are neglected or missing out.
Pat x
People that are so bloomin judgemental and opinionated are generally the ones who are best ignored. Walk a mile in our shoes then offer advice. Did anyone see the documentary the other week about disabled Mums…the Mum with no arms reduced me to tears with her sheer determination. A quote I was sent recently from Albert Einstein; “The difference between stupidity and genius, is that genius has it’s limits” Much admiration coming from me to anyone that does the hardest job in the world. Xx
My husband has suspected ms, lesions found on brain also partially sighted and we have two little children its very hard coping with children and helping hubby .My childrens school have been quite understanding with our situation and sometimes i find it hard helping with school work with all other tasks have to do everyday it gets abit much sometimes.Seems like they get more and more homework too much if you ask me.Other parents are the worst i find for poking there nose in at school they dont seem to understand what its like, Their to busy getting their hair done, and nails painted ,going clothes shopping , to realise how the other half live. I didnt see that documentry but it would have made me shed too with admiration Mrs H. xx julie
spelling error lol shed a tear with admiration i mean lol,
[quote=“Samantha72”] Hello, I have a young son who is 7. Some members of my family have tried to imply that we don’t do enough with our son. Me and my husband have a lot to deal with, it has been unrelenting crap for the last 4 years, my MS only joined the party officially this year. My son is happy, loved and I do what I can. I ask him regularly about joining clubs or doing things and he doesn’t want to at the moment. I keep being told he is at that age now when we need to do more. Well, I don’t see them offering to help, so until they do they can keep their opinions and there activity planner for my son shoved up their backsides. I have always wanted to be a mum and I am one doing the best I can. It is a struggle everyday, I suffer with guilt but I love my son with every inch of my being as I’m sure you do with your children. This disease has changed how I parent at times but I am still his mummy and our relationship has as much love and time together as more active parents, it’s just different. I can’t be of much help, so I hope you can get some advice/help with your situation but when I have this kind of thing said to me, I just say to myself, ‘you wouldn’t last a day’. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone but when people bring my chid into it, I do want them to swap with me for a day. Sam x [/quote] Yes i know this feeling to well, i have family members who poke their noses in i agree as long as a child is happy loved by parents thats the most important thing.Everyday is a struggle people should step into our shoes to see how hard it is and all the worry that comes with it all.
Sam - lts plain to see how much you love your son. And time spent with him is priceless. Too many parents fob their children off to all sorts of clubs/classes just to get them out of the way. He knows he is loved and will grow up to be a kind well adjusted lad.
F
Maybe we should think about making a forum or club within this group to help support ppl who are going thru crap from other ppl be it frm authorities or busy bodies?
this way there is power in numbers and we can see just how bad this attitude to diabled parents is throughout the UK. this would give ppl more weight behind them when they are fighting the powers tht be so to speak.
any thoughts?