thats it, ive had enuf and im totally p i s s e d off, i know this is a rant, but ive got no one else to talk to or any where to go to talk to someone, part time carer for mum n dad, mum talks to me like im crap, has a go and picks n chooses wen she wants to listen to me if its interesting to her so much so that she can twist it round to suit her, im in the middle of a relapse so i need to use a crutch to help me walk properly…im in HER way, she cant do somethin immediatly so its all my fault, i have to jump wen she tells me to coz if she cant get her own way then me n dad pay for it, im struggling to cope with ms as it is but still have to go out wen she wants, go round to clean, tidy n look after her wen she wants, dad is happy for the help coz it gives him a much needed break and he talks to me nicely and doesnt take it for granted, i dont mind helpin out as much as i can, but i hate the crap i get from mum, i get it everyday that she talks to me like crap coz i have no idea how bad it is for her, how much pain shes in, how tired she is, that i dont understand anythin, the fact that i wake up hoping i can stay awake for more than 5 hrs n that my legs wil work properly and not hurt like hell, that i need to take tramadol for the pain i have, that doesnt come into it as i have no idea, but its fine wen she decides she wants me to go do the shoppin, go out to get gas n electric, clean the house, cook dinners, feed the cats, and go out as soon as she decides she wants to go out, if i dare try to say somethin to her she will either blank me out or twist it round so im the nasty one making her feel bad and i have no right at all to say anything, ive had enuf and about ready to crack or rip someones head off
yep, can totally understand why you feel the way you do about your ma.
Of course, you know you`re gonna get loads of replies telling you to stop being her doormat, dont you?
Are you getting paid for helping? If so and you rely on that money, then try to let her know how you feel more. Even if she does blank you or get nasty, do it all the same!Sounds like she is spoilt and has been getting her own way round your dad for eons.
She is selfish and cruel for treating you so badly.
You`re gonna HAVE to change something, before you do crack up completely.
If you are not relying on a wage for doing all her biddings, then STOP. get dad to tell her it is too much for you.
If she is genuinely ill and needs help, then direct her to Social Services. Maybe Direct payments would be right for her.
Now I`m mad about her too!
luv Pollx
Vicki
I read your post earlier and I can’t get it out of my mind. I think you are brave for putting your ‘RANT’ here, but I feel that you need more than just a rant.
Although I can’t hear your voice, I can feel so much frustration, desperation and pent up anger in your post. You do not have to be in this situation, your life can be made so much easier without any financial penalty to either you or your parents.
I know that you are worried about doing or saying something that you might regret and you don’t want your relationship with your mum to break down irretrievably. There are sources of help (both practical & financial) available that have been designed for people who are in your situation. It’s just a case of finding them, Pollx is correct, Social Services might be a good place to start.
Can I also suggest that for your own health & sanity you urgently need to speak to someone in your own time and just for you. Please try the MS Society’s free & confidential helpline 0808 800 8000 that is what they are there for. Just having a conversation with a real person will make you feel a bit better and they should be able to set you down the right course for getting help.
Please do this, you deserve better now and in the future, you also need to make friends with your mum again.
Good Luck
Bill. x
Hi Vicki
That sounds like a horrible situation to be in, especially when your mum is meant to be someone who should be supportive of you. To be fair to your mum, I expect she’s feeling scared about her own health, and as with the best of us, it can be easy to lash out at those nearest to us when we’re tired and in pain. And on top of that, knowing that you’re ill and may not be able to provide for her as much as she needs or wants has made her feelher situation is even more uncertain, and she’s even more worried about the future.
That’s not to make an excuse of how she’s treating you though, and you need to look after your own needs too. Do you know if your mum is entitled to any care support? I’d contact your council’s social services department to find out, as if she could get some other paid support that would help take the burden off you and give you some space. But getting some boundaries in your relationship with her sounds like an important thing to do. That’s easier said than done though, and I don’t know what those boundaries should be, or how you can get your mum to hear how you feel. Writing her a letter may be one way to do that, as it will mean you really think about what you want to say and how you say it. And even if you don’t give it to her, it might be a useful thing to do for yourself, as another way to get out what you’re feeling.
Sorry I can’t help more. I hope you somehow get the space and support and kindness you need for yourself though.
Dan
hi everyone, mum gets a carer that comes in 2 days a week 3 hrs at a time, then every other week 3 hrs at nite so dad can go to his meetings for carers n things, i know mum gets scared bout her own health probs and i really do understand that coz im in the same position, it just gets too much when i keep being told i have no idea, i dont understand, i dont know the pain shes in, which i get everyday, as my dad has arthritis in both hips n spine he cant do much wen they hurt like hell, which i see the pain he goes through, i go to the hospital everytime with her wen she needs it and i see what she goes through while shes there, dad asked me yesterday if im getting p i s s e d off with going to the hospital? i said half of me is, but the other half off me isnt coz i want to help, im p’d off coz of the constant ramming down my throat all of the above crap, i have no idea when im the one helping her control her breathing when she keeps messing around wen she doesnt get her own way as soon as she gets to hospital, im the one who holds her hand thru the pain, but still basically im stupid n i have no clue, i refuse to show the pain im in wen im at mum n dads n how bad i get coz all i get is mum tellin me…welcome to my world, now you know what im having to go thru, so i keep my mouth shut and grin n bear it, with tramadol, she just seems to get more and more demanding, ive been refered to the healthy minds by the psychiatrist which i dont see till january, i finally have the appointment to see the neuro dr at hospital in a week n half, so im hopin hes now going to refer me to a ms nurse instead of telling me im not that bad, , if ive offended anyone by having a rant on here then im sorry, i just needed to let this out before i go n blow my top, ive blown up before and ended up in hospital the next day as i couldnt remember the day i blew up n still cant, i cant let it get to that point again
ok just rang the helpline n they gave me 2 numbers to call, one for the councelling line and the other to the local ms nurse centre which i dont need to get a referral to go see them, atlast i can get the help i need, thankyou everyone for ur advice, i really appreciate it
Hi Vicki
You’ve no need to apologise at all - you’re clearly having to deal with a lot of cr*p, so rant on here as much as you need to. Glad you’re starting to get some help.
Dan