This is something I’ve been meaning to post for months but because of its very nature I’ve either been too busy or plain wiped out with fatigue. At the time it would have been a major rant but time passed and with it so did the anger.
Last December 4th my husband and carer was diagnosed with Stage 3 colo rectal cancer. This came like a bolt out of the blue because he’d had no symptoms whatsoever but it was picked up early through the Bowel Screening Wales Programme. We spent countless hours talking and drinking peppermint tea in bed during the nights putting things in place for me, in prep for my own self care once he went into hospital and during his post op recovery.
We saw my MS Nurse who told us that as long as I could wash my hands and face myself then they couldn’t help, despite the fact that looking after someone 24/7 could potentially affect my MS. We were left to sort out which friends and family could e.g. drive me to places and help in general - household chores such as putting the bins out etc.
The operation itself went amazingly well - an anterior resection of the colon using keyhole surgery . However my husband did need full time care from me, consisting of wound dressing, cooking different food for him than what I eat myself- and I’m not even safe in the kitchen due to dexterity problems, cleaning and ironing, much of which he usually does for me, also need to wash and sterilise towels etc.
I hit the stage that the fatigue brought on by all this caused me one day to just lash out screaming loudly and in anger “I HATE MS”. Not only was it the first time in a lifetime of living with MS that I’d felt anger but my husband heard it all and that made him feel dreadful when he needed my support. It was anger borne out of frustration at not being able to give my 100% the man I love and married 37 years ago,not directed at him.
Anyway time passed and we worked our way through it together and yesterday his surgeon gave the all-clear although we’ve another week of his chemoherapy to get through but once we see the Consultant Onclogist we’ll exptect to get the all clear there too.
The question still remains, “Who cares?” yet I refuse to dwell on the negatives so will say just this - life is short, life is as sweet as we choose to make it,but most of all - Make Every Moment Count.