GP today - emotional

New diagnosis and before diagnosis
1

I get on well with this new GP, shes very good and honest, and I can ask her anything. But why oh why do I cry whenever I go there and talk to her about symtom control, new symtoms etc? Its embarrassing as Im not an emotional person usually! She did say that the tabs Im on can make people tearful, but I do feel silly!

Anyway, I was talking to her about the neuro appointment I had a few weeks ago (and subsequent letter I received last week) and she asked if I have applied for DLA; I sent the form back today funny enough, and she said that I will prob be elligible for new meds as its looking more likely that its MS.

Not sure how I feel to be honest (prob bit more tearful!). Maybe I am going to be a complete wreck if/when I am told!

Its funny that even though I have always thought I was a really strong person, maybe all these health symptoms have actually made me feel like a lost little girl.

Paula xx

2

I wonder whether this is just something that happens when we find someone we do not have to look strong for, and whom we trust enough to let our guard down a little? Is there anyone with MS who is lucky enough to have a good GP and who has NOT howled in his/her surgery? Don’t know. Count me out for a start. But that’s OK. It’s bad stuff we are dealing with and we are human. Don’t worry about it! Good luck with DLA. Alison x

3

Thanks Alison

I dont hold alot of hope for DLA to be honest, but its worth a try and I already plan to appeal as I am actually disabled by these symptoms and by the ON I have in both eyes for over four months. I have just found out that my job has gone as 1) I cant drive to get there and 2) my boss (an authoress) actually does need someone there as her PA, and Im not there and havent been for months now! So I dont blame her really. Not sure what happens to the ESA I claim now tho as I dont have a job :frowning:

Oh well, sure it will all work out

P xx

4

Sometimes you need to let the emotions out…no good keeping them all stacked up, they will surface at some point.

Maybe subconciously u find it easier to let it out with the GP as they are not emotionally involved. I think we worry about worrying our loved ones.

MS can affect emotions but whatever it is, you are scared, understandably.

Letting it out, having a good cry, is a strength, not a weakness.

Hope you get clarity soon.

x

5

Thanks Clare

I think you are right about not worrying our loved ones. My kids are mainly adults now, 28,26,21 and 17, but I still am the one worrying about them, it shouldnt be the other way round.

Think tomo I am going to put on a slushy film and cry my little heart out. Get it out as its just under the surface at the moment.

P xx

6

heynhun…glad you have founda good gp also who is supportive and you can be totally open with…they are human too!!! re work well access to work may be able to help with taxis to work, you will have to pay small contribution but usually ataxi form can do an count that you can submit monthly or weekly and they pay the taxi firm direct minus your contribution which is usually whatever the public transport cost would be. may be worth chatting to ESA once you know more re dx…fingers crossed Hun hugs em

7

(((Hi Paula)))

Everything about ms and going through all the motions in getting a diagnosis is emotional. A rollercoaster - up and down like a yo-yo, so you mustn’t feel embarrassed. Besides which, GP’s see all sorts of things and all kinds of reactions from people - and they’re human too.

As Scoobs’ has pointed out look into the various kinds of help that you could receive in terms of keeping your job. The government website maybe a good place to start as is www.yourworkhealth.com/

Clare said that crying is a strength not a weakness and she’s right. Let it all out and have a good boohoo, it can work wonders.

Debbie xx

8

Thanks Debbie/all

Trouble with my job is I am self employed, but only do work for one person, so now my ex employer has actually employed someone else I dont really have a leg to stand on (hehe at the thought of me standing on one leg!).

So the job I had for the past 4 years has gone, but am hoping that I will get help from the Job Centre to get another one. But at the moment I am physically not able to work as my eyesight is very poor, but I also have horrible twitches/jerks too and just feel really ill (also the fatigue means I get up in the morning, then go back to bed a couple of times a day). So really I am not worried about not working now, but obviously when I get better I would like to work (there really is only so much daytime tv you can watch!).

P xx

9

Hi Paula

I almost burst into tears when I went to ask my GP for a second opinion. I’d seen my pathetic neuro earlier in the day which had got me all riled up and upset and I was worried the GP wouldn’t believe me - I just felt at the end of my tether.

Theres so much we have to deal with; the symptoms, making people believe, deciding what meds to take, the impact on our jobs, social life and families. Its no wonder it all gets too much.

I’ve had bouts of getting frustrated and then crying on my partner when things have got too much. Its good to let it out. I always feel that much more calmer afterwards and ready to face whats coming next.

Reemz

X

10

Emotions are what make us, well us! They have a strange way of overwhelming us sometimes when we least expect or want it to. It sounds like you have an understanding GP who is human too and would understand you feeling tearful so try not to feel embarresed. Myself I found the not knowing for sure what was causing my problems worse than the dx itself…I had me down for a brain tumour like my nan at one point! I think my emotion ‘chip’ has been turned to automatic at the moment I have not cried since dx except when watching things like The Waltons! I am sure it will hit me at some point but I’ll cross that bridge when it happens…if it happens. Just know that everyone on here understands the roller coaster of emotions that come with a dx and will be here to support you whatever the outcome. Mish x

11

Thanks everyone :smiley: you are a great bunch of people

I feel that my friends and family only phone/visit to ask “how are you today” and I hate it! All through my life I have been the carer, the one asking and worrying, and it feels horrible to have the tables turned. This year I spent the first 4 months caring for my (ex) brother in law who had terminal liver cancer, and I looked after him till he passed away. And, whilst he was so ill, my Mum had a major health scare so I was running her around everywhere, and my Dad, who has poor health anyway, needed to go to hospital appointments so I took him. As soon as my brother in law passed away I have been ill! What a great year this is! And now I am in the middle of tests for diagnosis and then see the neuro again September 25th, so its going to be a whole year of rubbish times for me! And I am still dealing with selling my brother in laws house, solicitors, renovation of the house, blah blah blah.

I spoke to a really good friend last night on the phone, and she said that I sometimes come across as aggressive when she asks how I am. She also said that she has learnt over the years to ignore it. I feel bad about that as I have never meant to come across as aggressive, just as capable and independent I suppose. I dont want people to worry about me, and yet I am annoyed at people who just dont seem to care!

I have no conversation apart from what doctor I have seen recently, what test I have had done, and what new symptom I have got this week. I am bored out of my mind, and today I am so emotional its stupid! Hence the rant… sorry people, but sometimes I just have to let it all out I suppose.

Today is not a good day :frowning: I ache from head to foot, my spine feels like someone has put me on a rack and stretched me, I am staggering rather than walking, and I keep deleting sentences on here as I have already typed them and just forgot and my fingers dont want to work properly either today, my right side is completely numb from my scalp to my toes; I could go on for ages about whats going on with me, but I wont bore you anymore.

Oh, did I mention that this whole cr*ppy year means that I am now in debt to just about everyone and everything! And my daughter broke her foot a couple of weeks ago, and I had to defer my OU degree exam until October (and I was getting an average score of 89%!!). Cant stop the tears now :frowning:

Anyway, wishing this year was well and truly over with, that I know whats wrong with me, and I can get on with my life!

P xx

12

Reading your last comment made me cry, sending you ((((((((((hugs)))))))))). Hopefully you will get answers soon and get treatment to start making you feel better. Xxx

13

Sorry to make you cry sparku912 :frowning:

I just wanted to add to my rant that to try to feel ‘normal’ again, I went into the garden to do some weeding, and promptly fell over on the concrete path; so now I have a grazed elbow and shoulder, and bruised knee, elbow and back. Yay I think I will go back to bed now as at least then I can make sure I am safe (as both my children 21 and 17 are out today).

Pxx

14

I am actually covered in bruises down my right side because of my fall in the garden :frowning:

Worse thing for me was not being able to get up as I use my right side much more than my less naturally, and my right side mainly doesnt really work now - numbness, weakness, jerks and tremors plus decreased sensations.

I cant even have a hot bath to help the aches I now have as I feel rubbish after a bath :frowning:

I dont like feeling sorry for myself, but at the moment thats all I seem to do now.

P xx

15

aww Hun you’ve hada pants couple of days…and as you say a year…mines been much the same Hun since jan. all I can say things will change but perhaps not now…stay strong re work…well it doesn’t sound like you are up to working self employed or otherwise. I claim ESA and do permitted work but like you have been unable to work plus it’s been very quiet…at least I can continue to promote and market myself…could you perhaps do that ? there will be a time ahead where you can get back to some sort of work…just not now! like you I a, independent and it’s not easy to be the one who needs practical and emotional support…aslwell as being in limbo re a dx…buti am learning fast you havea right to help and just see it as temporary…it’s easier that way…maybe look into relaxation techniques if soak in the bath isn’t an option…I’ve not hada bath for yrs just couldn’t cope with it…just showers…oops yes I have washed btw!! would loves bubble pool…but tried ones while back and my back and legs were very jumpy after and nerves were. ot happy!! bummer! I love water too!! (((((( hugs))))))

16

Thanks scoobie xxx