Thanks everyone :D you are a great bunch of people
I feel that my friends and family only phone/visit to ask "how are you today" and I hate it! All through my life I have been the carer, the one asking and worrying, and it feels horrible to have the tables turned. This year I spent the first 4 months caring for my (ex) brother in law who had terminal liver cancer, and I looked after him till he passed away. And, whilst he was so ill, my Mum had a major health scare so I was running her around everywhere, and my Dad, who has poor health anyway, needed to go to hospital appointments so I took him. As soon as my brother in law passed away I have been ill! What a great year this is! And now I am in the middle of tests for diagnosis and then see the neuro again September 25th, so its going to be a whole year of rubbish times for me! And I am still dealing with selling my brother in laws house, solicitors, renovation of the house, blah blah blah.
I spoke to a really good friend last night on the phone, and she said that I sometimes come across as aggressive when she asks how I am. She also said that she has learnt over the years to ignore it. I feel bad about that as I have never meant to come across as aggressive, just as capable and independent I suppose. I dont want people to worry about me, and yet I am annoyed at people who just dont seem to care!
I have no conversation apart from what doctor I have seen recently, what test I have had done, and what new symptom I have got this week. I am bored out of my mind, and today I am so emotional its stupid! Hence the rant.. sorry people, but sometimes I just have to let it all out I suppose.
Today is not a good day :( I ache from head to foot, my spine feels like someone has put me on a rack and stretched me, I am staggering rather than walking, and I keep deleting sentences on here as I have already typed them and just forgot and my fingers dont want to work properly either today, my right side is completely numb from my scalp to my toes; I could go on for ages about whats going on with me, but I wont bore you anymore.
Oh, did I mention that this whole cr*ppy year means that I am now in debt to just about everyone and everything! And my daughter broke her foot a couple of weeks ago, and I had to defer my OU degree exam until October (and I was getting an average score of 89%!!). Cant stop the tears now :(
Anyway, wishing this year was well and truly over with, that I know whats wrong with me, and I can get on with my life!