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Golf again

I’m not very well today, and my better half has gone out to play golf which means I will be here alone for five or six hours. He did ask if I wanted him to stay at home. I would have liked that but he needs his space so I lied and told him to go. I can’t help but think that if he has to ask if I want him at home, rather than choose to stay, that he might as well just go. Sorry to sound selfish and needy, I’m not usually this negative.

Hi flowerpot. I’m sure he’s not being an ass, or certainly not meaning to be, golf is one of those games that gets you hooked, and he needs his fix, I played of 4 handy cap before this bloody ms thing kicked me in the whatsits about 2years ago, wanted to give up at 1st cos couldn’tove the same, but wife said no you have to keep playing, can’t give in, 1st time in 30 years she’s told me I have to go golf, how could I not, then when I could no longer walk the course, I got a single ride on buggy, so still trying to go, even though I can hardly walk, so I’m sure he’s not even thinking you mind, he’s asking to convince himself it’s ok, could be a lot worse, if its only golf he needs!!! Hope your ok, it’s tough on them, as well as us, good luck.

Sorry that you are feeling poorly and miserable, Flowerpot.

I do remember your post on the same subject a while back. I also remember thinking that these two really do need to involve some more people in the task of looking after you and keeping you company. Honestly, Flowerpot, I think it might really benefit you both of you were to let a little air into the relationship and widen your support circle. It isn’t great for either of you for you to be so dependent on him for every kind of support, and resentments are bound to bubble up - on both sides.

I hope that you feel a bit better soon, and that your husband comes home refreshed and that you can enjoy some time together then.

Alison

Thank you for those replies. I was just feeling a bit sorry for myself, and that’s passed now. Oh Graham how frustrated you must feel, having been a good golfer. My husband has never got his handicap into single figures, although he was over 50 when he took up the game, when his rugby and cricket days were over. As for widening our support network. What support network would that be? We have no family, I’m an only child and my husband was brought up in care having been born to a single mother in the days when it was considered shameful and she was unable to provide for him. As for friends, one by one most of them abandoned us soon after my diagnosis, presumably because being without family they were afraid of being asked to help (I wouldn’t I’m too independent for that) or maybe they were embarrassed to be seen with someone who lurched around like a drunk! I’m not good at asking for help, and I also didn’t talk about my ms (unless they asked) so as not to bore them or anything. I try not to impose on the few friends I have left. We can’t get any outside help until my needs are assessed as being substantial, and with the cutbacks, I think I would have to be paralysed to qualify, even though I know people in better shape than me who get several hours a day. I’m truly happy hubby can enjoy his golf, and spending time with his mates away from me is good for both of us. He once said he’d rather he had the ms than me, which proves his love somewhat, but I’m glad it’s me and not him. xx xx xx

Yes flowerpot, you know what they say a friend in need is a pain in the ass, you do get to know who your friends are, have you not got a ms therapy group near you, I went to one they meet once a week thurs 10.00 till 14.00 there are trainers massage and lots of people in the same boat you can chat with, looking at 4walls 24/7 is not good for anyone, your brain still works so it needs stimulating, being on these forums helps a bit but face to face interaction is best, apart from the golf I was a salsa dance teacher too, we still run the club, salsashine.org.uk + ballroom beats no web, I sit on the door and take the money now, after supervising the setting up, 5 classes about 7 teachers & 20+ helpers, keeps my brain active, and lots of cuddles from the lady’s, my wife says no cuddling him, tough love policy, but they still do. Lol

Hi, I was going to advise you ask for an assessment, think I did this before eh? But if you know already you wont get help from the social services, but can you afford to pay for someone to take you out? A bit of retail therapy, or a cinema trip, or something else you`d like to do. What do you reckon hun?

luv Pollx