'Giving up'

So, I have ‘given up’. I care for my Mum who has SPMS, diagnosed in 2002. Since the beginning of November, she has had two suspected infections and has been experiencing a cognitive decline that we are unsure is MS related. Aside from this side of things, Mum is now chair-bound, and needs help with almost all tasks. It’s just Mum and I - no immediate family or friends who are close by. All our support from friends is given over the phone, because of the pandemic. I am also trying to complete my degree - I was doing really well last year, but my grades have slipped because of everything that is going on.


I was able to cope with the physical side of things, but the mental aspects have been hard. After sleepless nights, frustration, fear and upset, I have reached out for more support in the home and I have also told my doctor about my mental state. I feel as if I have failed and given up. I am absolutely dreading sorting everything out in regards to putting care in place, especially whilst juggling exams and deadlines, but I am trying to see the positive side of things. I am looking forward to leaving the house for more than 10 minutes without worrying that Mum is not safe. I am looking forward to Mum having more simulation, and hopefully picking up a bit.


I am not sure what the point of this post is, but just felt that I needed to get this out of my system/off my chest.



I hope you have all had a lovely Christmas and New Year. x


Aww you sound exhausted physically and emotionally don’t know how you have continued this far with all this juggling. Now is time for you and your mum to have your needs met apart, assess what is , needed for you both so that you can regroup. AND you wish us all a merry Christmas too hid bless you. Please, don’t give up. You need a break what a wonderful daughter xx

Hello, you have done the right thing in seeking care for your mum other than doing it all yourself.

I`ve been receiving care from PAs and agencies, with my hubby being the main one, for many years.

I`ve just engaged a new agency and they start on Saturday. I have a total of 27 hours and 2 sleeps a week.

Your mum will be glad you can return to your studies in a more refreshed way.

Please dont see this as giving in. You are not…not at all. You are doing your best and that is admirable.

I hope your grades improve and you get the most out of life you can.

Take care sweetheart.


Thank you so much - best wishes x

Hi love, well my heart goes out to you, what a great responsability you have…I too have spms and my husband is my full time carer, its a hard job for anyone, but for you being so young and trying to do exams it must be awful. You’ve done right to ask for help and also telling your GP about your mental health, that’s a very good thing to have done. Your mum is so lucky to have you, I’m sure she reaslises this, take care love, chin up.

Jean x

Hello there,

I am new here and have just seen your post. I am studying for a degree and also caring for my parent with MS. So I truley understand how hard this is for you, especially in the pandemic.

My advise regarding your studies is to tell your close friends and peers what is going on, and also all your academic staff. From my experience, they are so understanding and you may find that they can offer you additional support outside of academic hours etc.

Given the situation, they may also be able to offer deferrals, extended deadlines, or even delayed exams/more time during exams. Additionally, if your institution offers student support services: reach out to them! You never know who they can put you in contact with to help you mentally and also with your parent at home.

I promise you are not alone, and it can be so difficult. You will get through this, and you’ve done amazing to reach out for help so far

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I am new here also and I started with reading your thread first. I see that it is a few months old. How are you now, how things are going?
Caring for someone can be very exhausting both physically and emotionally, unfortunately, I understand you because I have a similar situation in my family. You have to stay strong and keep going no matter what. Don’t be afraid to ask for additional help for your mom’s care. Other members have given you very good advices, I hope that you tried some of them. Also, find some time for yourself, at least once per week, for activities that are important for you or you like. It is important for mental health.
Take care,